Bill get a freind or family member to go in and throw that stuff away..now... It is a lot easier. And there is no shame in admitting you lied to us. contrary it shows true character to admit it. Not surprised one bit myself because these things are hard to do. Thats where freinds come in. It will get better and the sun will shine on you again..Put all her crap in a box and set it in the attic or garage, the day may come she will want it back, and you can trade it for your stuff..As a matter of fact it will probably be here excuse to call and talk to you, so be prepared with your answers..Doug

 

delete everything about her off you computer/phone, collect all her stuff up into a box to put away into a box for when she comes for it. collect all pictures of her and other stuff that reminds you of her and whatever you cant give away, put it into a different box and put it into your pickup. then beg or borrow a tank of gas from an understanding friend. as soon as you reach the open road, crank up the radio (I prefer eve6's *open road song* and *anytime*) and go somewhere, anywhere. and get rid of everything that reminds you of her.

that drive has always been the one thing that has helped me out in the past.

 

I would say to box up her things and drop them on her doorstep when she is not around. Maybe she will return the favor, maybe not. But at least you did the right thing.

 

Good advice, guys. Driving does help me too. I'm not returning any of her crap unless she returns my clothes. For one thing, I bought most of her crap. I've been doing the right thing since day one. I think I'll be the bad guy this time. I've got all her crap put up out of sight now. If she wants it, she'll have to return a few things of mine.

 

Forget the clothes or anything else she has of yours..
Chock it up as payment for a valuable education..

Box her crap up and deliver it to her like BDox said.. This way she will get the hint it's over and you remove her reason for calling you later..

 

Wise advice!! Is there anything so valuable that she has of yours you would want it back?? (Hint: NO is the correct answer here.) Go cold turkey and cut her off. Don't play games ..she will know you are in charge, going bye and NOT returning.

 

Whenever I find those pics I just toss them in the trash and chalk it up to a life experience. She and I had a lot of good times before she started to become controling, a lier, a cheater, and just down right mean. It's hard to look back at some pics and remember that was when things were all good, but they still have to go in the trash. What happened in the end just outweighs the good. You just have to be strong one night soon and get rid of all the pics and shut her out of yur life totally. The whole ring thing really sucked. I was going to ask her to marry me a year or two down the road, but I bought the ring and was making payments on it. I wanted it paid off before anything else. Luckily I found some guy to buy it for exactly what I paid for it. Since she and I broke up almost two years ago I've seen her in person twice. Once I was getting pizza and she happened to be at the same place. The other time sher showed up at my house. I opened the front door, saw it was her, shut the door, and locked it. I live a good distance from where she lives, so it makes it easier to avoid her, but I'm still in that town a lot because I went to school there and that's where all my friends are. She still calls me atleast once or twice a month and leaves the same message everytime. It's two years later, she needs to get over it!

 

As with the other 100-some ppl on here, I am glad that u got out of that lil trap, from what i have read, she seems like my wife in a way...

"And so Bills' saga continues...."

Maybe you guys can help out another FTE member in somewhat of the same boat.....

Heres my story: I met my wife (Amy) when I was 15, almost 16, and since then she has been a pretty reasonable partner. But in the 4 1/2 yrs prior to our marriage, I made a point to spend the weekend with her, I drove my gas guzzling Crown Vic the 40 some miles to her house, etc and fed her, clothed her, took her where she needed to go, etc...And then when she graduated high school and started college her grandfather bought her a 1998 Buick Park Avenue for college, nonetheless, 3 months later she rolled it 3 times and wlaked away with only a couple scratches, and a couple o weeks later we married. Since Sept.21 2009 she has tried to tell me what to do, what job to get, she even told me she wanted me to let my truck go (Sorry to say, but she will go before the truck-It doesnt complain) and for the last week she has been pushing my parents a bit.

Now, I am 20, be 21 next month, am currently unemployed, but I am garuanteed a job next month, and for my lack of monetary contributions she has made fun of me, told me since I havent had the money to help on the bills that she was the head of the house, etc, and she goes ballistic when I remind her of all the times I have went without a meal, so she could eat, or had to borrow a few bucks from my parents to get to work, because she wanted to go somewhere on the weekend, knowing I had work...

She absolutely hates the idea of me doing ANYTHING for my truck, even the basic maintanence, yet her car has to be tip top.....If I mention my truck needs an oil change she says it can wait (My truck has NEVER been put on the back burner) and then she promptly asks her grandfather for more money to fix her car (He just went and bought a battery for her and an oil change) and then she turns around and gives him down the road like she has done since I met her, yet he never wanted her with me, never wanted to feed her, clothe her, etc (He adopted her)....

And last but not least she has been making these snide remarks about my being able to father a child for her, (I hurt myself really bad in a former job), and then she makes me feel so horrible, I mean I feel so inadequate for that reason....

I mean I really love her, and she has her good and bad days like everyone else, but she seems to take all her stress out on me....IDK guys, you seem to have some excellent marital advice, any ideas, I dont want to split up with her and just be another statistic, I really want to make this work, but she seems to put the blame squarely on my shoulders.....

P.S-You guys are right, women do use the rule of guys not supposed to hit them....

Thanks all-

-Wes

 

A wife is someone who supports you through the good times and the bad, doesn't hold it against you when things out of your control don't necessarily go how you want. She is very much like my EX wife. Think about it, would you really want to have kids grow up in that atmosphere? It takes two to make it work. The only way it could work is to try to talk to her about what she is doing, have you ever tried to do that, and how did she respond? A marriage counselor might be able to help IF she is willing to try to make it work as well. I tired the counseling route with my ex, she outright lied to the counselor and made me look like the bad one. I pretty much knew at that time there was no salvation for our relationship. I was making almost twice as much money as she was at the time, but she told the counselor "I was jealous of her POTENTIAL to make more..." Also that she gets along with EVERYBODY, but yet holds grudges and such...I typically get along with most, but of course not EVERYONE. She made it sound like I couldn't get along with hardly anyone.

She also spent her income on whatever, while I paid all the bills. Her grandparents gave her pretty much anything she wanted, yet I wasn't providing good enough. She would get upset because I took too long putting her Mustang together, but then would bitch when I tried to work on it. She made a snide comments at monster truck show when they commented how fast they could swap out a motor and tranny that maybe she should have them do her Mustang. I refitted a 79 Mustang with a 351W back before the parts for the swap were readily available, before the days of the internet, so it was harder to learn and find parts for such. I built my own oil pan, modified 302 headers to fit and the like. That stuff takes time. She even wanted me to pay to have someone else fix the vehicles for me because I was spending too much time on them.

Her idea of spending time was to sit and watch tv, which bored the heck out of me. That also was when we had 3 channels to choose from.She now has alienated our daughter as well, constantly accusing her of doing things and lying about it. I had thought if I didn't fight her for custody, that she might be more workable, it now seems there was no way to work with that woman. It was hard to split up, partially because of our daughter, and I thought I loved her. After a few months I no longer had much feelings for her, and now, I could be happy if I never saw her face again.

I don't outright hate her for what happened then, but I greatly dislike her for what she has done to my relationship with our daughter, and what she continues to do to our daughter. She has lied to our daughter about how I am and such, but my daughter now is getting smarter and realizing it is not true. She is afraid of her mother, who has done well to block her from spending time with me. My ex used to make her feel guilty for coming to see me, so much so that she would cry and not want to go because she knew what it would be like when she came home. It wasn't that she didn't want to be with me, it was what she would get afterwards. So think long and hard, it only took 5 years to get to that point that if I stayed it was going to just get uglier, and I honestly feel and felt that our daughter might be better off than to see us going at it. She constantly accused me of cheating, yet was actively pursuing it herself. It was so bad I didn't want to go home. If you feel that badly about the relationship, I wouldn't pull getting out off the table. I don't advocate that lightly, but sometimes it just has to be done. She made me into a person I didn't like, so the only way to change that was to get away from her. I am not a violent person, but I had to hold it back with her, then she would taunt me to try to get me TO hit her. I knew why, it was so she could use it against me for custody. Never did, but she would tell you I did hit her.

 

Hey Wes, I don't know what to say, but I wanted you to know my heart goes out to you. I'm sorry brother. I wish you would have seen this side of your wife before you married her. Please man, please, just wach your own ****.. Don't do anything without a lot of thought before it. If you divorse her, count on half your paycheck going into alimony. Can you even afford that?

If at all possible, if I were you, I would try and put up some money that she doesn't know about. Are you sure you didn't marry my ex, Wes?

I'm sorry Wes. Man, relationships suck.

 

Wes,

Seeing as how you are married the route you should take is professional counceling..

That will hopefully get things on the right track..

It will at least let you know where she stands on being with you..

If counceling doesn't change things I would call it quits..

There is no need for you to be treated like that from someone who is suppose to love you.. You wouldn't let a stranger treat you that way.. Would you??

As far as not being able to give her a child, you are lucky you didn't.. There are many men and women that can't.. That is what adoption and surrogate mothers are for..

Some of the same advice we gave Bill goes for you..

You don't ned to live like that..

Take it from someone who called it quits after 14 years and 3 kids..
If I didn't have kids it would have been over sooner..

 

Getting out of an abusive relationship is not a failure, it is a positive step forward. And those are often difficult but very rewarding in the long run.

 

Wes, no one, absolutely no one, deserves to be treated like you describe. No self-respecting man would stand for that kind of treatment. You have to tell her that things have to change or you will leave. You absolutely do not have to tolerate that kind of nonsense. Bruce is right, leaving an abusive marriage (there doesn't have to be physical violence in order for it to be abusive) is a step forward, not a failure.

 

10 years of every imaginable type of abuse here and it took everything I had to get out....we had three young boys and I am a firm believer in a child needing both parents and that a father is MOST important to a young boy.....

what moved me to take that step forward was when my young son hit a little girl he was friends with and she cried, he told her to 'stop crying'...she said 'you hurt me'....my son replied 'my daddy hurts my mommy all the time, it's ok'.................I was talking to a lawyer that very afternoon

offer her help for the both of you, make sure she understands it is for BOTH not just her as you are in it together, get the help you both need, or get out.....it does NOT get better after the threshhold has been crossed.....

*embarrassed*

 

Some of you guys already think I'm nuts, , but corny or not , here goes...

The first serious relationship I had ended badly & hurt a lot for a while , I really cared for her . That was what got me through it , thinking if I really cared , I should be happy for her, instead of hateful. It kind of let me off my own hook.

Looking back with her & others , I have realized, I was teaching them how to treat me , but I didn't know myself as well as I thought I did .. All of us use the experiences in life one way or another , I have found that forgiving those that hurt me (even if only to myself) helps immensely to ease the pain. I know I have contributed to the problems , but I also know I wasn't entirely to blame as well .
It seems ,a lot of the failed relationships & friendships in my & others lives , are due to actions that do not match ones view of them selves (if that makes sense)

I think pain is a great motivator , sadly.....

And many will avoid it at all cost.....