I have heard it said , "if its that much work , it isn't working ...

 

I just saw this thread today. I didn't read all the replies, but I bet that a lot of them are going to be the same. But at the risk of repeating everyone else, here goes.

It sounds like the problem is your girlfriend is controlling, selfish, overly critical, and highly manipulative. If you stay with her you will be very unhappy, because no man wants to spend the rest of his life being hounded like you say she does to you. I understand that leaving a relationship is scary, but you have to put your own long-term happiness first. As soon as you realize that this girl is not the one you marry (and I think you know that) then you have to realize it's the best thing for you to move on with your life (without her in it!) To stay in a relationship that has gone bad isn't fair to you OR her.

I have had to end a few relationships that just weren't going anywhere. They were comfortable and nice but if the person you're with isn't making you happy then you need to decide to make some changes.

This last piece of advice is the best, and you would do well in your life if you find the real meaning behind these words and follow it everyday.

"You are the sum of all your decisions."

In other words, you are ultimately responsible for every aspect of your life. If you are in a relationship with someone who is making you unhappy, you can't blame them at all. It is your responsibility to run your life the way you want it.

 

I agree 100 % .. We spend our lives teaching people how to treat us ...you make it what it ends up being ...

Most people will not change , unless there is pain, then (especially ),you still can't trust the change.

They just want the pain to go away .

Some can change , but they have to decide to, on their own

 

This just sounds like a clash of personalities. She wants to be a controlling bully, and she probably can't really help that. It will be that way in all her relationships, with both men and women. She is who she is. Does she have a really good relationship with anyone else? I doubt it.

They say there is someone for everyone in this world. And hard to believe as it may be, there are some men who need a woman who controls them in everything they do. That does not sound like you Bill. And unless you can become that man, it is best to let this one go now. Give her the opportunity to find that milquetoast man she needs, and who needs her.

You don't love her, if I may be so bold as to say that. You cannot love her and be angry at her all the time. You love the thought of being in love with her, but you don't love the person she actually is. If you can begin to understand the difference in those two concepts, it should become easier to let her go.

 

it wasnt a matter of negotiation....he was asking for different ways to TRY to make this work with this woman and ALL I read was DUMP HER, RUN, GetTheFrickOut, and all the cockamaimybullschiedt and sexist opinions, I was trying to give him a different point of view....he wanted options....I gave him some...


based on the minimal information he provided, I gave him MY best approach for his situation...after reading further information, I admit he should TURN THE PAGE and write a new storyline....

and just for the record MY MAN is on this board, I am surprised he hasnt got into this post and proceeded to tear the hell out of it......he has got stories to tell to, good and bad....

EVERYBODY in my life gets all their needs and MOST of their wants before I even begin to consider anything for myself.....NO ONE who KNOWS me can dispute that....I ASK FOR NOTHING, if I cannot get it myself I dont get it.....

as long as my family is provided for and I am safe, I want for NOTHING...

not all women are the same.....you CANNOT generalize and stereotype....like many have said THERE ARE MORE WOMEN OUT THERE.....ANOTHER ONE WILL COME ALONG....and that is true....but he was asking how to work it out....

and SOMETIMES people see things more obviously when it is writing in front of their face.....I dont know this woman to know what 'type' she is....hands on, audio or visual......

{{{{{hugs}}}}}



.

 

Keith!!! I LOVE THIS POST......you're Daddy must have been awesome to sit and chat with......

you wont find me getting pee'd at this....I am not your NORMAL female with NORMAL liberal BS views....

I feel a womans place is in the home, taking care of her children, man, and home.....unfortunately that isnt possible these days anymore.....

it is kinda sad...

but I do have to repeat....I LOVE THIS POST....I hope you dont mind if I borrow it!!!


{{{{{hugs}}}}}

 

PS.....I have gotten a lot of reps for this....wasnt looking for them, but thank you to all who have posted to me.....I just figured a different point of view may be helpful.....

 

Bill I didn't read all four pages but I read through two of them and got the full gist of your issues and the advice that you were given. It's pretty clear that your unhappy with her and miserable without her, that sucks dude.

1. It's good that you don't officially cohabitate with her. You can go to your separate corners and unwind a little.

2. Hopefully you haven't merged your money with hers.

3. I've followed your posts for nearly two years and I consider you a friend. I think the two of you should have a serious sit down and hash some things out. She deserves to know how you feel and you owe to yourself to spell it out for her.

If she thinks she can micro manage you it's only because YOU allow her to. I know, at first it was kinda fun and cute but after a while it started to get old. Now your simply tired of it.

If there is any physical or verbal abuse, then the relationship is already a lost cause. Time to soul search my good friend.

Tim

 

First of all.. I want to apologize to anyone who may feel as though I am ignoring your thoughts / opinions, etc etc.. My computer is simply not fast enough to actually quote each one of you and thank you all. I do want every single one of you to know I really am grateful, and that I am touched you all care as much as you do.Thank you all very much.

Tim, I am indeed your friend. Thank you man.

After tonight, I think it's safe to say it's over. I miss her like crazy and I'm heartbroken. I feel like I have been pushed in front of a semi-tractor. I was crying in my truck until I finally opened the door to throw up. Yeah, I think it's safe to say I do love her. But after tonight, she's made it clear she is just going to keep treating me like an animal.

I have her pictures all over my house, my room. I have them all turned face down. I'm having a hard time forcing myself to go to bed. I wake up at night thinking I'm holding her; when I fully wake up, I realize it's the pillow. Now that things have really gotten flushed I'm sure I'll have more nights like those.

She's emotionally abusive. She's a bully. She's cold. She's lied to me about very serious issues. I know I'm making the right decision by letting her go; but it still hurts like Hell.

Sigh. I shouldn't say this, but I will. I am actually regretting not picking her up last night. I hate myself for saying that, but it's how I feel. I keep telling mysef I made the right decision and I'm making the right decision by ditching her. Still hurts. I wish one of you would just beat me in the head until I forget who I am.

I'm hurt and angry. I know time will heal these wounds but right now I'm just wishing I never met her. Son of a

 

Bill, your situation sounds a lot like a guy I used to work with. He worked hard, both at work, and when he got home. He was the sole provider (money-wise) for the family and things were tight, but he never spent a dime on himself. He did some side work for extra money and little by little he bought a lot and put a very nice modular home on it. He worked all day long on his house, then came to work and worked until late at night. To thank him, his wife made him get up and watch their infant daughter so she could sleep late. He was not allowed to watch TV, except for cartoons and history programs. Since I'm a movie buff, I often loaned him movies and he had to wait until his wife was either gone shopping, or in the shower before he could sneak in and watch them. I'm not talking about anything "adult" or even questionable in nature, just plain old, PG movies. Then one day, his wife called at work to tell him she had cleaned out some stuff and tossed all his video tapes in the trash. It seems he had a bunch of old movies (again, nothing with nudity or even bad language, they were all taped off TV) that he liked to watch occasionally, but she couldn't handle it and tossed them while he was at work. He was completely broken down by her constant badgering and asked me what he should do. I told him to lay in the line and leave. I offered to help him move, do whatever it took, yet he couldn't. I asked him how old he was and he said that he was 35. I pointed out that he would easily live to at least 70, and that his life was less than half over. He could either start again right now, or endure this crap for another 35 years, the choice was his to make. That was 5 years ago and the last time I saw him, it was even worse. Wanna know how bad she was? My wife's nephew has a blown alcohol drag boat and gave me one of his teams T-shirts. It had a picture of the boat and a young girl in a bikini as well as the boat's name and sponsor list. He was pouring cement and asked for help, and I was glad to help, then he said, "could you do me a favor and not wear 'that T-shirt with the girl on it' when you come over? My wife would get mad if she saw it" Now I don't even let MY WIFE pick out what I wear, and she holds the pooter in our home. I'll be a monkey's uncle if I'll let someone elses problem dictate what I wear. Needless to say, I wore the "bad shirt" in protest...

 

Bill,

At first I thought you were talking about my ex-wife...

I am with the majority of posters.. Run as fast as you can to the nearest exit..

If you don't want to be alone then treat her like you would a car..

Start shopping for another model right now before that one leaves you stranded all alone on a deserted road..

 

My heart breaks for you after reading that post, Bill. I know it's painful right now but it will get better.

 

Bill, hey man, I don't know you personally, but have read your posts. And found you to be a smart and sensible person. I went thru a divorce 22 years ago. With 3 kids it was hell I think I cried every night for almost 8 mths. and I lived ea. day 1 breath at a time. So I know the pain a man can feel. I wasn't a quitter and wanted to make it work. but she was like your g/f. and finally found a sugar daddy literally ( guy was 22 years older) then the sarcasm really started... Man save your self and stay out!!!!!!! no matter how hard, have a freind or family member go in your house and take every picture and thing of hers out and burn it or throw it away..If I lived closer I would gladly help ya do it for you if needed...
Take life one breath at a time. and you will make it and be much happier, start doing things to forget her even if it is washing your just washed truck..I had the cleanest and best house and yard in the county.
The right girl will come along that will love and apprecitate you. and support you..

 

Bill, it hurts right now, but a couple months from now you will think back and wonder how you ever allowed yourself to be treated with such disrespect. Keeping busy and having your mind on something else will help. Maybe pick up a new hobby. You will be in my thoughts, I know situations like this are never easy anyone involved.

 

I went through similar with my ex, and even though she had treated me poorly and such, I still longed for her. In a few months, I finally was free of those emotions, and have never looked back. I now have a great wife, we rarely if ever fight, and get along great. I still can do no right by my ex, but then, neither can any man. She ditched another fellow like myself and tried to say it was all him, but our daughter tells a different story. It is going to hurt for a bit, but it will pass. It is almost like an addiction, you want it, think you need it so bad. The longer you stay away from it, the better you become, and you begin to understand. There is no reason to stay miserable, which was all you were headed for by staying. Now you have an opportunity to find something better, and trust me, better is out there. Be yourself, don't try to change to impress anyone, because you will be expected to keep that change, and you likely will not be happy that way. You sound to be fairly young, and I was very similar back in my days like that as well. Don't be in a hurry, the good ones somehow will find you when you least expect it. If you are hard at searching for them, they never seem to come, but if you relax, they find you.