Understanding alien abduction
Fleet Owner
Joined: Mar 2012
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From: Near Cal. Avenue
WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face).
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).
WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."
WIFE: - - - silence - -
HUSBAND: "S**t"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not - don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face).
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan).
WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
WIFE: "Would she use my golf clubs?"
HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."
WIFE: - - - silence - -
HUSBAND: "S**t"
Fleet Owner
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 26,117
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From: Near Cal. Avenue
4 aliens crash land onto Earth and know no English, but can learn quickly.
The aliens split up, to hopefully develop their knowledge in the language.The first alien walked into an office building and heard someone speaking into the phone.
"Yeah. Of course." he heard.
The second alien walks by a restaurant and sees a little kid playing with utensils and saying,
"Forks and knives, forks and knives..."
The third alien comes by a park and sees a kid crying and pointing at another kid and saying:
"He stole my lollipop!"
The fourth alien passes by a sports stadium,
and the home team just scored, so he heard
" Woohoo! Let's go!"
The group then met up and walked along the sidewalk.
They came across a dead body when a cop pulled up.
Cop: "Did you kill this man?"
First alien: "Yeah. Of course."
Cop: "How did you kill this man?"
Second alien: "Forks and knives, forks and knives."
Cop: "Why did you kill this man?"
Third alien: "He stole my lollipop!"
Cop: "The four of you are going to jail!"
Fourth alien: "Woohoo! Let's go!"
Fleet Owner
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 26,117
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From: Near Cal. Avenue
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife..
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it's 3am in the morning and it's bloomin'well pouring with rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife.
"Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down,
and those two guys helped us?
I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!
"God loves drunk people too you know."
The man does as he is told, gets dressed,
and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark,
"Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?"
calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk..
Fleet Owner
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 26,117
Likes: 4,148
From: Near Cal. Avenue
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Fleet Owner
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 26,117
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From: Near Cal. Avenue
A blonde, wanting to earn some money,
decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type
and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house
and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?
" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house,
heard the conversation and said to her husband,
"Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?
" The man replied, "She should.
She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over,
so I gave it two coats.
"Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type
and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house
and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?
" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house,
heard the conversation and said to her husband,
"Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?
" The man replied, "She should.
She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over,
so I gave it two coats.
"Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
Fleet Owner
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 21,253
Likes: 1,656
From: Reynoldsburg, Ohio
Looks like some contact from #34 into #2 who touched #22 and around they go!
Fleet Owner
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 26,117
Likes: 4,148
From: Near Cal. Avenue
Ya can't go chicken shat in the final 10 laps of Daytona is a Prayer all say in the final laps of Daytona ! Yep that's the Mantra/bible verse for ever start, restart ect. if in a NASCAR Car !
Fleet Owner
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 21,253
Likes: 1,656
From: Reynoldsburg, Ohio
Regarding NASCAR----when we can strip all the politically correct crap they've adopted beginning in 2020 its still one helluva great race series. There's more than a few aspects I hated seeing brought in, mostly those "stages" and qualifying changes, so my interest did slip a bit and hasn't really returned back to the days when I'd actually visit a few tracks each year.
I've always been in awe how creative and near-genius level some of the earlier good ole boys put on the factory-funded teams, how the "cheating" has or has not been exposed and the great stories coming from so many years past.
When it comes to Toyota they're American made, far far more so than the Chrysler stuff they were trying to run a few years back---if someone can build a car to Cup Series spec's let 'em run---spectators are the beneficiaries IMHO.
I've always been in awe how creative and near-genius level some of the earlier good ole boys put on the factory-funded teams, how the "cheating" has or has not been exposed and the great stories coming from so many years past.
When it comes to Toyota they're American made, far far more so than the Chrysler stuff they were trying to run a few years back---if someone can build a car to Cup Series spec's let 'em run---spectators are the beneficiaries IMHO.