and some other alien characters 
Understanding alien abduction
Fleet Owner
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 26,127
Likes: 4,149
From: Near Cal. Avenue
A guy falls asleep on the beach for several hours
and gets a horrible sunburn all over his body.
He goes to the hospital and is promptly admitted
after being diagnosed with second degree burns on his legs.
He was starting to blister and in pain by the time the doctor arrived.
To help, the doctor prescribed an IV with saline and electrolytes,
a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.
The attending nurse was rather surprised by the prescription and asked,
"What good will Viagra do him?"
The doctor replied, "Erection !"
"Will keep the sheets off his legs."
and gets a horrible sunburn all over his body.
He goes to the hospital and is promptly admitted
after being diagnosed with second degree burns on his legs.
He was starting to blister and in pain by the time the doctor arrived.
To help, the doctor prescribed an IV with saline and electrolytes,
a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.
The attending nurse was rather surprised by the prescription and asked,
"What good will Viagra do him?"
The doctor replied, "Erection !"
"Will keep the sheets off his legs."
Scope Wizard
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 6,530
Likes: 25
we have alien artifacts at Ollie's
Fleet Owner
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 26,127
Likes: 4,149
From: Near Cal. Avenue
A man standing at a urinal notices
that he's being watched by a lil person.
"Wow," comments the lil person.
"Those are the nicest ***** I have ever seen!"
Surprised and flattered,
the man thanks the lil person and continues to pee.
Then the lil person pulls up a step ladder
right next to the urinal and says,
"Listen, I know this is a rather strange request,
but as they're so admirable, I wonder
if I could take a closer look."
Again the man is rather startled,
but sees no real harm in it.
Just then, the lil person reaches out,
gets a tight grip on the man's *****, and says,
"OK, hand me your wallet, or I'll jump off the ladder!"
that he's being watched by a lil person.
"Wow," comments the lil person.
"Those are the nicest ***** I have ever seen!"
Surprised and flattered,
the man thanks the lil person and continues to pee.
Then the lil person pulls up a step ladder
right next to the urinal and says,
"Listen, I know this is a rather strange request,
but as they're so admirable, I wonder
if I could take a closer look."
Again the man is rather startled,
but sees no real harm in it.
Just then, the lil person reaches out,
gets a tight grip on the man's *****, and says,
"OK, hand me your wallet, or I'll jump off the ladder!"
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Fleet Owner
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 26,127
Likes: 4,149
From: Near Cal. Avenue
So a Nun,
a Rabi,
a Lion,
a Zombie,
a Leprechaun,
a goldfish,
a Space Alien,
a pair of Siamese twins,
and a blonde walk into a bar.
The bartender looks at them and says,"Is this some kind of a joke?"
.... ..
Fleet Owner
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 26,127
Likes: 4,149
From: Near Cal. Avenue
A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time,
and she shows him into the living room.
She excuses herself to go to the kitchen
to get them some snacks and drinks.
As he's standing there alone,
he notices a cute little vase on the mantle.
He picks it up, and as he's looking at it,
she walks back in. He says, "What's this?"
She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there."
He turns beet red in horror and goes, "Geez, oh . . . I . . ."
She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy
to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."
and she shows him into the living room.
She excuses herself to go to the kitchen
to get them some snacks and drinks.
As he's standing there alone,
he notices a cute little vase on the mantle.
He picks it up, and as he's looking at it,
she walks back in. He says, "What's this?"
She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there."
He turns beet red in horror and goes, "Geez, oh . . . I . . ."
She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy
to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."
Fleet Owner
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 26,127
Likes: 4,149
From: Near Cal. Avenue
An alien spaceship hovered over a golf course and
two aliens watched a solitary golfer in sheer amazement.
The golfer duffed his tee shot,
shanked his second into the rough,
took three to get out of the rough onto the fairway,
sliced the next shot into the bushes.
He then took a putter to get it out and
on to the fairway again.
Meanwhile,
one alien told the other
that he must be playing
some sort of weird game and
they continued to observe the golfer.
The golfer then skulled a shot into a bunker by the green.
He then took several shots
to get out of the bunker and
finally on to the green.
He putted several times
until he finally got into the hole.
At this point,
the other alien told his partner,
"Wow, now he's really in serious trouble!"
two aliens watched a solitary golfer in sheer amazement.
The golfer duffed his tee shot,
shanked his second into the rough,
took three to get out of the rough onto the fairway,
sliced the next shot into the bushes.
He then took a putter to get it out and
on to the fairway again.
Meanwhile,
one alien told the other
that he must be playing
some sort of weird game and
they continued to observe the golfer.
The golfer then skulled a shot into a bunker by the green.
He then took several shots
to get out of the bunker and
finally on to the green.
He putted several times
until he finally got into the hole.
At this point,
the other alien told his partner,
"Wow, now he's really in serious trouble!"
Fleet Owner
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 26,127
Likes: 4,149
From: Near Cal. Avenue
A man travels to Spain and
goes to a Madrid restaurant for a late dinner.
He orders the house special and
he is brought a plate with potatoes, corn, and
two large meaty objects. "What's this?" he asks.
"Cojones, senor," the waiter replies.
"What are cojones?" the man asks.
"Cojones," the waiter explains,
"are the ********* of the bull that
lost at the arena this afternoon."
At first the man is disgusted,
but being the adventurous type,
he decides to try this local delicacy.
To his amazement, it is quite delicious.
In fact, it is so good that
he decides to come back again
the next night and order it again.
After dinner the man informed the waiter
that these were better than the pair
he had the previous evening
but the portion was much smaller.
"Senor," the waiter explains,
"the bull does not lose every time."
goes to a Madrid restaurant for a late dinner.
He orders the house special and
he is brought a plate with potatoes, corn, and
two large meaty objects. "What's this?" he asks.
"Cojones, senor," the waiter replies.
"What are cojones?" the man asks.
"Cojones," the waiter explains,
"are the ********* of the bull that
lost at the arena this afternoon."
At first the man is disgusted,
but being the adventurous type,
he decides to try this local delicacy.
To his amazement, it is quite delicious.
In fact, it is so good that
he decides to come back again
the next night and order it again.
After dinner the man informed the waiter
that these were better than the pair
he had the previous evening
but the portion was much smaller.
"Senor," the waiter explains,
"the bull does not lose every time."