Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'" asked the lawyer.

Farmer Joe responded, "Well. I'll tell you what happened.
I had just loaded my favorite donkey Bessie into the..
"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted,
"just answer the question. Did you not say,
at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'".
Farmer Joe said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer
and I was driving down the road..."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge,
I am trying to establish the fact that,
at the scene of the accident,
this man told the Police officer on the scene that he was fine.
Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client.
I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."
By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer
and said to the lawyer,
"I'd like to hear what he has to say."
Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded,
"Well, as I was saying,
I had just loaded Bessie into the trailer and
was driving her down the motorway when this huge semi-truck
and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side.
I was thrown into one ditch
and Bessie was thrown into the other.
I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move.
However, I could hear ol' Bessie moaning and groaning.
I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.
Shortly after the accident a Policeman came on the scene.
He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her.
After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.
Then the officer came across the road with his gun in his hand
and looked at me. "He said,
"Your donkey was in such bad shape I had to shoot her,.
How are you feeling?"

 

As a court clerk,
I am well-versed in the jury-selection process.
First a computer randomly selects
a few hundred citizens from the entire county
to report for jury duty on a particular day.
Then another computer assigns
40 of those present to a courtroom.
Then the 40 names are placed in a drum,
and a dozen names are pulled.
During jury selection for one trial,
the judge asked potential Juror No. 12
if there was any reason
he could not be a fair and impartial juror.
"There may be," he replied.
"Juror No. 1 is my ex-wife,
and if we were on the same jury,
I guarantee we
would not be able to agree on anything."

 

A beautiful young model boarded a plane to New York
with a ticket for the economy section.
She looked at the seats in economy,
and then looked into the forward cabin at the luxurious first-class seats.
Seeing that the first-class seats appeared to be much larger and more comfortable,
she moved forward to the last empty seat in first-class.
The flight attendant checked her ticket and told the woman that her seat was in economy.
The blonde replied,
'I'm a famous model, and I’ve never had this problem before.
I'm going to sit here all the way,
until we get to New York.'
Flustered, the flight attendant went to the cockpit
and informed the captain of the problem.
The captain went back and told the woman that her assigned seat was in economy.
Again, the blonde replied:
'I'm a famous model.
I'm sitting here all the way to New York.”
The captain didn’t want to cause a commotion,
and so returned to the cockpit to discuss the blonde problem with the co-pilot.
The co-pilot said that he used to date a model like her,
and that he could take care of the problem.
He then went back and briefly whispered something in the blonde's ear.
She immediately got up and said,
'okay, thank you'. She then hugged the co-pilot,
and rushed back to her seat in the economy section.
The pilot and flight attendant,
who were watching with rapt attention,
asked the Co-pilot what he had said to the woman.
He replied,
'I just told her that the first-class seats aren't going to New York.'

 

Two women came before wise Alien Captain,
dragging between them a young man in a three-piece suit.
"This young lawyer agreed to marry my daughter," said one.
"No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other.
And so they argued before the Alien Captain until he called for silence.
"Bring me my most powerful blast riffle," said the Alien Captain,
"and I shall cut the young attorney out of this time Warp Hole.
Each of you shall receive a Hologram Plug in to replay in your Computers."
"Sounds good to me," said the first lady.
But the other woman said, "Oh Wise Alien Captain, do not spill innocent blood.
Let the other woman's daughter marry him."
The wise Alien Captain did not hesitate a moment.
"The attorney must marry the first lady's daughter," he proclaimed.
"But she was willing to cut him out of the Warp!"
exclaimed the king's advisor.
"Indeed," said The Wise Alien Captain.
"That shows she can be a good mother-in-law."
Release them after probing in their own time porthole !

 

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice:
"Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step,
a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him.
The man was astonished. He went on,
and after awhile he was going to cross the road.
Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still!
If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die."
The man did as he was instructed,
just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
"Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh yeah?" the man asked...
"And where the hell were you when I got married?"

 

 

 

 

Now that's Frigging funny, I don't care who you are.... Shame it is the Truth.

 

^^^^ is that where they all come from?? Or where they are all going?? Or both!!?

 

maybe the very smart Alien gets a huge Bonus to fake all the rest out !

 

or matbe the people are really that stupid and believe all what the gov't says


still waiting for the 180 day disclosure .........