................

 

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.
They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied,
"especially the tight pants and all the big muscles,
but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin,
one team got it, and then for the rest of the game,

all they kept screaming was,
'Get the quarterback!
Get the quarterback!'
I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"

 

A newly dating couple were walking in the woods
When suddenly, a bright light appeared in the sky, it was a UFO!
a door opened, and a male and female alien stepped out of the craft.

“We would like to experience love making with humans”, said the male alien.
“Please swap your partner with me, and we can all try making love with a different being.
The human man and woman agreed, so the human man went off into the woods further with the alien woman,
and the alien male approached the human female.
“Let us make love!” said the alien male.
“If you require more pleasure,
pull my ears outwards and my ***** will get thicker,
pull my ears down to make my ***** longer”.

After a few hours of very happy lovemaking, the human female meets up again with her boyfriend.
“Goodbye, and thank you!” The aliens board their UFO and disappear into the night sky.
“So, how was it?” enquired the human male.
“Wow, that was incredible! It was a night I’ll never forget!” exclaimed the woman.
“How was it for you?”

“I really enjoyed it”, he said, “but she kept playing with my ears!”

 

There's a family with the last name Joke who have these creepy stalker impostors, when one day, the Joke family sees A shooting star while on a road trip and disappear.

The news breaks that this family had disappeared while driving on the road. The search begins and they find a car similar to the one Mr. Joke was driving. They open and find who they believe to be the Jokes. They interview them but the story seems to be inconsistent with the actual event. They get DNA evidence from the Joke's house and from the other people and it's not a match. They determine that the Jokes had been sucked off to an icy extraterrestrial body. The impostors are put on trial for impersonation and obstruction of justice. During the trial, the imposter defendants' lawyers tried to defend the impostors with Amnesia but the attorney for the Jokes said, "Nonsense, the real Jokes are about a comet out there somewhere."

 

^^ I believe you have been abducted a few too many times..

 

^^ He's addicted to the probe!

 

Or maybe it's that ear pulling thing?

 

I sorta like ear bending !

For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female,
faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.
You've been such exemplary statues, he announced to them,
"That I'm going to give you a special gift.
I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes,
in which you can do anything you want."
And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.
The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes,
from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches.
Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.
You still have fifteen more minutes,
said the angel, winking at them.
Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said,
"Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on it's head."

 

PT, phone home...