Originally Posted by willeo6709

mark, all I get is a" restricted page" whats the poll about?

Originally Posted by Texas Outlaw

That's hilarious!

Sort of reminds me of the time not too long ago when Susan accidentally walked through a gaseous cloud that I had emitted. See below:

YouTube - Bwa ha ha ha ha!

Originally Posted by Texas Outlaw

Yeah, I like that song too. Randy Travis does do it but it's actually a Chris Knight song. He writes a lot of songs for mainstream artists.

Your CD was supposed to ship today but Cody didn't get it out. She will tomorrow though.

Check this out, this is that one song, "I Got The Guns" that I was telling you about.

YouTube - Roger Creager - I Got The Guns

Originally Posted by jtharvey

Originally Posted by Texas Outlaw

Glad you like them, Jeremy. Did you notice at the end of the "Come On Get Happy" video that Dallas starts biting the crap out of my feet?

The urinal diving video is something someone sent to me. I didn't film that one. Pretty crazy guy in that one, eh?

Originally Posted by RedBoat

I havent had time to view the OT thread for a while so I thought I would "catch up". Well scott I got to your amusement park story a few pages back and i thought I would share an equally horrific experience I had with some of my HOTTER THAN HELL CHILI. Here goes:

I went grocery shopping recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented "you're definitely going to ****** yourself" chili. Tasty stuff, albeit hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off.

Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No "Watson's Movement 2." Despite habanero peppers swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I was unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my next door neighbors as "thunder and lightning."

Knowing that a time of reckoning HAD to come, yet not sure of just when, I bravely set off for the market, a local Wal-Mart grocery store that I often haunt in search of tasty tidbits.

Upon entering the store at first all seemed normal. I selected a cart and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase. It wasn't until I was at the opposite end of the store from the restrooms that the pain hit me.

Oh, don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talking about. I'm referring to that "Uh oh, gotta go" pain that always seems to hit us at the wrong time. The thing is, this pain was different.

The habaneros in the chili from the night before were staging a revolt. In a mad rush for freedom they bullied their way through the small intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines, and before I could take one step in the direction of the restrooms which would bring sweet relief, it happened: The peppers fired a warning shot.

There I stood, alone in the spice and baking aisle, suddenly enveloped in a noxious cloud the likes of which has never before been recorded. I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odor might escape me. Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of my body and I began to move up the aisle and out of it just as an elderly woman turned into it.

I don't know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what her reaction would be to the malodorous effluvium that refused to dissipate. Have you ever been torn in two different directions emotionally? Here's what I mean, and I'm sure some of you at least will be able to relate.

I could've warned that poor woman but didn't. I simply watched as she walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of odor so terrible that all she could do before gathering her senses and running was to stand there blinking and waving her arms about her head as though trying to ward off angry bees. This, of course, made me feel terrible
but then made me laugh. .......BIG mistake!!!!!

Here's the thing. When you laugh, it's hard to keep things "clamped down," if you know what I mean. With each new guffaw an explosive issue burst forth from my nether region. Some were so loud and echoing that I was later told a few folks in other aisles had ducked, fearing that someone was robbing the store and firing off a shotgun.

Suddenly things were no longer funny. "It" was coming and I raced off through the store towards the restrooms, laying down a cloud the whole way, praying that I'd make it before the grand mal assplosion took place.

Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time I got to the john and began the inevitable "Oh my God," floating above the toilet seat because my azz is burning SO BAD, purging. One poor fellow walked in while I was in the middle of what is the true meaning of "Shock and Awe." He made a gagging sound and disgustedly said, "Sonofabitch!" then quickly left.

Once finished I left the restroom I reacquired my partially filled cart intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee approached me and said, "Sir, you might want to step outside for a few minutes. It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store. The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two which ought to
take care of the problem."

That, of course, set me off again causing residual gases to escape me. The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover his nose, and pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted, "IT'S YOU!" then ran off, returning moments later with the manager. I was unceremoniously escorted from the premises and asked none too kindly not to return.

Home again without having shopped, I realized that there was nothing to eat but leftover chili so I consumed two more bowls.

Originally Posted by just another truck

I read this, and thought about Lisa's Story about Randy...

Originally Posted by jtharvey

Double post. It seems the FTE server is being cranky this morning.

Originally Posted by Markadeck

Could not make it any easier than this. I was not so concerned about this until I quit smoking cuz I figured I'd be dead by Inauguration Day anyway. But if I am going to survive, I don't want to be confronting Islamic extremist's on every corner of the country.

https://www.ford-trucks.com/forums/7...teresting.html

Originally Posted by That_Guy

It has been all morning, its taking me forever to check FTE this mornig between making the donuts...

Originally Posted by just another truck

Lisa, if you could understand us, we would be women....enough said lol

Originally Posted by Smokin'

Hey, I understand men a lot better than you might think. I understand why you don't want to go shopping, or to weddings, or to the opera or the ballet. I understand why you can spend hours in the garage, or fishing. I understand why you'd rather watch football or racing rather than some cheesy love story about two people that lived in 17th century England. I understand why you insist on wearing that gross holey t-shirt over and over again. I understand why you think farts and other bodily movements/fluids are funny. Really, I do.

But I fail to understand why anyone would purposefully volunteer themselves to spend the day in agonizing gastrointestinal PAIN.

Anyone who can explain this to me in a way that makes sense gets a gold star for the day.