I knew a project manager who would often say "you can't have 9 women make a baby in a month" when increasing the manpower wouldn't shorten the schedule.

 

Sure, it took some thought but unemotionally abstract also.

 

"I want you to skip your diet every other day.!"
The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."
When the blonde returned, she shocked Her doctor by losing
nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing," h er doctor said,
"Did you follow my instructions?"
The blonde nodded... "I'll tell you though,
I thought I was going to drop dead every other day.
"From hunger, you mean?" , asked the doctor."
"No, from skipping."

 

Whoops!

 

A beautiful woman steps out of the water and up onto the beach,
with a floating large steamer trunk. The Guy helps her get settled,
rested, fed, dried off and they start to talk.

Emma asks Barry, " is there something you've really missed
being out here on this Island. "A clean shirt," was Barry's reply.
Emma reached into the steamer trunk and tosses Barry a new shirt.

"Surely there's SOMETHING you've really missed out here?"
"Your all alone...on an island with nobody all this time?"

"Oh wow, YEAH, there sure is,"
"I'd REALLY like a dry pillow to sleep on."

 

The Attorney has passed away and at the pearly gates he is standing Infront of the gatekeeper,
"Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret?" "Yes," the Attorney admits.
"When I was a young prelaw student at Harvard we played a soccer game against
Yale & I scored a goa, I knew I was offside.....I scored a goal, but the referee did not see it, and
the goal won us the match. I regret that now." "Well," said the gatekeeper.
"That is a very minor sin. You may enter." "Thank you very much, Saint Peter," Attorney says.
"You're welcome, but I am not Saint Peter," said the gatekeeper. "He is having his lunch break.
I am Saint Harvard..."

 

The kids that worked at Rag's Restaurant
weren't bad kids, they just wanted to have a lil fun.
So one summer day the river slides, rides and Blue pool that opened up
and Gonzo, their boss wanted to take them to the Fun pools.
So Gonzo said were closing up early tonight.
and going to the Slides and pool.
Gonzo breaks out the bottles of beer and
the kids start getting messed up.
So later that day Gonzo is swinging from a rope and
falling into the Blue pool and the kids laugh, thas funny !
Next day those kids are at work and in comes Gonzo.
Kids say they need some help Gonzo !
So Gonzo goes in the back and goes
into the walk in cooler & tries to get down a
big container of mixed sandwich spread from
the high shelfs, thus spilling it
all over his head cause he's 5' tall
And the kids just rolled in laughter. .
Them kids aren't bad childs
they just want ta have a little fun !

 

^^^We need a Papa Tiger translator algorithm or something to decode this one! Holy shyte WTH is that about exactly?

 

I don't get most of his posts

 

An Italian, a Scotsman and a Japanese man were hired at a construction site.

The foreman shows them their task, which is to move a large pile of sand. He assigns each of the men their respective roles.

He points to the large, muscular Scotsman and says "You're in charge of shoveling".

He points to the moderately sized Italian and says "You're in charge of sweeping".

Finally he points to the rather thin Japanese man and says "You're in charge of supplies".

He then points to the pile of sand and says "Now, I have to go away for a while, and when I get back I expect you to have made a dent in that pile of sand".

After having gone away for a while he returns and finds the pile of sand the same size and looking untouched.

He asks the Italian "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"

The Italian replies, "I hada no brooma, youa said to the Japanesea guy to get supplies but hea hasa disappeared and Ia cannot find him anywherea."

The foreman then asks the Scotsman "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this!"

The Scotsman replies, "Aye ye did, but I couldnae git myself a shuvl, and ye put that wee Japanese lad in charge of gettin supplies but he's gone 'way and I cannae find him anywayr."

Now furious, the foreman walks off to look for the Japanese man. As he passes by the pile of sand, the Japanese man jumps out from behind it and shouts,

"**SUPPLIES**!"

 

↑ now thas good ! And I was er waiting for the biga fighta !

 

I laffa so hard my bellie hertz!

 

Fate ee hasa itsa saya !