O/t
Post Fiend
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 5,398
Likes: 1
From: Gilbert, Az
Do you fart in bed?
If this story doesn't make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know and I'll pray for you.
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.
The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor, she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out. Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of hus underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes. After years of tortue she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.
He said, 'honey you were right.' 'all these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you'.
'What do you mean?' Asked his wife.
'Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened.'
'But, by the Grace of God, some vaseline and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in.'
If this story doesn't make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know and I'll pray for you.
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years.
The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor, she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out. Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of hus underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes. After years of tortue she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.
He said, 'honey you were right.' 'all these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you'.
'What do you mean?' Asked his wife.
'Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened.'
'But, by the Grace of God, some vaseline and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in.'
That is too funny and gross at the same time
Gone, but not forgotten
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 5,026
Likes: 2
From: Charlotte-Fairbanks-Bflo
Smokin
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 8,849
Likes: 0
She decided that her husband would fall for it, and stand there and scream bloody murder until she came upstairs to help.
I decided it would freak Randy out for a minute but that he'd catch on.
...he does sleep really hard though.....
Post Fiend
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 5,584
Likes: 0
From: Millbrook Alabama
My girlfriend and I discussed this joke over lunch.
She decided that her husband would fall for it, and stand there and scream bloody murder until she came upstairs to help.
I decided it would freak Randy out for a minute but that he'd catch on.
...he does sleep really hard though.....
She decided that her husband would fall for it, and stand there and scream bloody murder until she came upstairs to help.
I decided it would freak Randy out for a minute but that he'd catch on.
...he does sleep really hard though.....
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Postmaster
Joined: May 2008
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From: horicon Wi
Gone, but not forgotten
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 5,026
Likes: 2
From: Charlotte-Fairbanks-Bflo
I used to check this daily but have not in maybe a week. I am only putting this here now cuz this is the first time I've seen the National average under 4 bucks in many moons.
e T r u c k e r - Fuel Prices - eTrucker.com is the online destination for everything trucking. For truck drivers looking for jobs, loads, free email, routing weather, trucking news and more! The best truck driving jobs with the best trucking compani
e T r u c k e r - Fuel Prices - eTrucker.com is the online destination for everything trucking. For truck drivers looking for jobs, loads, free email, routing weather, trucking news and more! The best truck driving jobs with the best trucking compani
Gone, but not forgotten
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 5,026
Likes: 2
From: Charlotte-Fairbanks-Bflo
I am sure in his camp there. I hate using public restrooms. I flush the toilets or urinals with a paper towel. If all they have is those damn hand dryers I will use cannon fodder, even to open the door if it has a handle that has to be turned.
Snowboard season cometh..
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 5,406
Likes: 1
From: Gulf Coast of Florida
That's such a contradiction, because y'all go camping, yes? I mean, does he take a barrel of instant sanitizer with him? Because I'll tell ya, when I go camping (not car-camping mind you) I'm gone for days and get filthy at times.
Lead Driver
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 6,708
Likes: 5
From: Kiowa CO
Smokin
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 8,849
Likes: 0
He doesn't care about mud or grease or anything like that..its DIRTY people, you know, people with personal hygiene issues. I think he's a germaphobe. When we go camping/hunting, after the 2nd day or so he won't let me touch him or hug him because he feels dirty. (or maybe its because I'm dirty and he doesn't want to hurt my feelings)
But this summer we had a makeshift shower set up, it actually worked out pretty neat, kept most of us clean enough to stay sane.
Everyone has their ticks.