No ive never seen your little girl before Jim, what a cutiepie! You better stock up on shotgun shells now!

Jay id post a pic, but ive posted all the ones i have of me!

 

Post 'em again Spoon!

 

David, I love the look at on the little one's face. He almost looks like he is staring the camera down.

 

I'm already teaching her that boys are bad and that if any boy that comes here has to talk to me first. While I am cleaning the guns or putting a coat of butchers wax on the baseball bat.

 

YouTube - Rodney Atkins - Cleanin' (This Gun)

 

I know that I have posted this before but it is time to post it again:

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my pnuematic nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like washing my truck?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

 

Hey Jim did you get that from one of Roger Welsh's books?

 

YouTube - Dierks Bentley - What Was I Thinkin'

 

During one of our conversations, I also told her that most boys out there are bad news...but that there are some good ones out there too.

I did tell her to listen to you, and that since you were a good man you'll be able to pick them out. lol

 

I have had that kicking around for a few years Jacob. I have no idea where it came from. Someone gave it to me when J-L was born. I have always kept a copy of it.

 

Good One Pete!!

 

Your grandsons are adorable. I especially like the camo on the littlest one.

Sheldon...you have some pics on facebook you haven't shown here.

Hot hot hot hot...

Post those so Cris knows why I'm so enamored with you.

 

I originally saw that as "Rules for dating a DI's daughter"

I think it makes more sense as that though with the whole chopper in hanoi and such.

 

Ok because I read the exact same thing in a book called Old Tractors and the men who love them By Roger Welsh.

 

Thanks Lisa, She was just reading them and laughing like crazy. Like I am for letting her stay up until 10 tonight to watch Gray's Anotomy

I should change that last part to something else. I might when I reprint it to hang on the fridge.