When you click on links to various merchants on this site and make a purchase, this can result in this site earning a commission. Affiliate programs and affiliations include, but are not limited to, the eBay Partner Network.
^wears an aluminum foil hat while watching lost in space episodes. Spews passages from Carl Sagan's Cosmos and offers tips on how to live long and prosper to residents of the local nursing home.
^prefers the Black and Yellow Star Trek uniform over the red and black but gets dizzy at warp Speed and so is a land lubber Consultant to a Crystal manufacture of a fake fuel ! What the heck he got Grit !
^^ Wore his *$$-less chaps to the grocery store. Wore his mask so he was good to go, this is California after all. Bent over the meat counter & accidentally swings his posterior over the frozen steaks. Slightly sweaty cheek makes contact with super frozen pack of sirloin and immediately sticks to it, like sticking your tongue to a frozen flagpole. Tries to pull it off but ends up having to go to rest room and run hot water over it to break the bond. Leaved massive red mark on cheek akin to getting a hickey from a toilet plunger. Goes thru checkout slightly embarrassed by his condition. Is met by California mandated feel good personnel at the end of checkout. Feel good group consists of a homeless transvestite, a gay Catholic priest, and a retired ladies roller derby enforcer. They give him a participation trophy, a rainbow coloring book, and 3 gold stars to put on his chaps. Makes him all smiley. Goes home and soaks his frost bit cheek in used motor oil.
^^ Started buying up old satellite dishes (the big ones) and welding them together then stringing Christmas lights on them and selling them on the side of the road in Roswell, NM as UFO's. Didn't think about the size factor and shipping cost to get one back home to the typical tourist so he loads them up and takes them back to Cali. There he gets a brainstorm and cuts them in half, fills them with the appropriate foam strips, adds a little something on the top, garnishes the perimeter with really long door sweeping material, adds hook and chain for hanging from ceiling, and takes them to SF flea market and sells them as re-birthing loungers. The acid trippers and meth tweakers go ape doo-doo over the prospect of being able to re-live that experience on demand and they all want one, but don't have any money. Not to worry though as the governor supreme works the cost of a unit into the spending bill so they all can have one on the tax payers dime. Demand is so high that the supply of old satellite dished dries up and he is forced to go back to the panhandling business.
^^^ Personally knitted mittens for politicians' Inauguration Day outfits. Saw his "handiwork" on TV and the intert00bs, got all excited, and tries to get a sleeve tattoo to celebrate. But the tattoo shops are all closed due to virus concerns, so he buys a fake sleeve tattoo. It excites the sisters and he runs for his life, but falls into a trap behind a vinyl fence and gets trucked straight to their lair where he spends the rest of his life providing pleasurable experiences.
^^ Spent the night in a culvert underneath the interstate. Sound of cars & trucks overhead reminded him of his days as a wee tyke when his parental unit was entertaining clients in the upstairs bedroom. Had cassette boom box blasting Twisted Sister to re-crate audible sensations. Keeps poster of Freddie Mercury on his garage wall for inspiration when doing his kegel exercises. Has special razor to touch up palms when meeting new people. Keeps WD 40 in his medicine cabinet to combat heat rash condition n nether regions. drinks his PBR's through a straw.
^Opinion accepted in the high Courts. U can go home via free will but the phone calls, the Videos and Conferences simply amplify the need for a good interference strategy !
^ has a wireless direct connection with the mother ship, they abduct him every so often because he does a good Good of cleaning windows via licking. He is then sent back to earth with a case of alien PBR'S and a bad case of tongue rash. Tells his female unit the rash is from razor stubble. Coats tongue with Elmer's glue & calls it a day.
Rezvani's Latest Post-Apocalyptic Monster Is a Ford F-150 Raptor Underneath
Slideshow: Called the Fortress, the 850-horsepower pickup combines Raptor underpinnings with military-inspired features, survival equipment, and a starting price of $285,000.