"The British are coming", Paul Revere.
Then it was a bad thing.

 

"Never argue with a fool, the listeners can't tell the difference".

Saw it in a bar somewhere in western Montana.



"We aim to please, you aim to please".

Pioneer Auto Museum, Murdo, SD, and in a place where only guys would read it.

 

"It is impossible to defeat an igorant man in an argument"

One of the ancient greek philosophers, forgot which one.

 

In the spirit of the last couple posts:

"Never argue with an idiot - they'll just drag you down to their level, and then beat you with experience."

LK

 

This just in:

Literary Taunts

"I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here." -Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man & worships his creator." - John Bright

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
-Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."
- Winston Churchill

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing
trivial."- Irvin S. Cobb

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."- Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time
reading it." - Moses Hadas

"His ears made him look like a taxicab with both doors open."
- Howard Hughes (about Clark Gable)

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others."
-Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." --Jack E. Leonard

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln

"You've got the brain of a four-year-old boy, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it." - Groucho Marx

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
- Groucho Marx

"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." - Robert Redford

"He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them."- James Reston (about Richard Nixon)

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
-Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain

"A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity." - Mark Twain

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I
approved of it." - Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
- Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go." -Oscar Wilde

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."- Oscar Wilde

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

 

A mans gotta know his limitations

Dirty Harry

 

I love good insults like - It's peope like you that give stupidity a bad name.
It is not a one liner, but my all time favorite insult is from Shakespeare's King Lear, Oswald asks, "What dost thou know me for?" Kent replies, " A knave: a rascal; an eater of broken meats; a base, proud,shallow, three-suited, hundred pound, filthy,worsted- stocking knave; a lily-livered, action-taking knave, a *****son, glass-gazing, superservicable, finical rouge; one- trunk-inheriting slave; one that wouldest be a bawd, in way of good service, and art nothing but the composition of a knave, begger, coward, pandor, and the son and heir of a mongrel bitch; one whom I will beat into clamorous whining, if thou deniest the least syllable of my addition".
Now that's an insult!
Dono

 

You guys are getting way too serious about this.

"What's up doc?" Bugs Bunny.

 

I like that one!

 

"Youth is wasted on the young."

 

If I'd aknown I was gonna live this long, I'd ataken much better care of myself!- stepdad.

If it was easy, anybody could do it- lil brother

That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.- sister

Don't bother me while I'm busy screwing up- me

 

"Why hell! Everything is legal in Mexico...its the American way. " -uncle Jimbo from South Park (animated show)

Rich

 

From the UK, via a friend:

"He couldn't organize a ****-up in a brewery"


Commonly heard between me another friend and myself in the vicinity of an attractive lady.

"She's got that look in my eye"


often heard in the shop when something is not cooperating:

"Put the Whammy to it"

Implies using the biggest, strongest tool you can locate with the intention that this thing is coming apart one way or the other.

And one of my all time favorites:

I cut it twice and it's still too short!

 

It well feel better when it quits hurting - high school coach

 

Reminds me of my football/lacrosse coach

"Are you hurt or injured?"

"Hurt"

"Hurt means you're fine, get back in there"

OR

"Injured"

"Bullsh**!" Followed by either "How many fingers?" or "Can you stand?" then, "Good, walk it off and get back in there."

If you were conscious and breathing you were good to go . You'd never get away with that as a coach now. (Maybe a good thing.)

Waxy