If you've ever worked for a boss who reacts before getting the facts and thinking things through, you will love this!

Arcelor-Mittal Steel, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?"

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $400 a week. Why?"

The CEO said, "Wait right here." He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, "Here's four weeks' pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back."

Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?"

From across the room a voice said, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's.

 

Both xlnt ones! I've already shared them.

 

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How do you know if a redneck man is married?




















































Look for tobacco spit down BOTH sides of the pickup....

 

Redneck Palm Pilot-



Miss Idaho 2006

 

 

 

tried to rep you for it no go but man that made me laugh!!!!

 

Did you hear about the $3 million Redneck Lottery ?
The winner gets $3..00 a year for a million years.

 

This has been around the web before but it is still interesting enough to read again............





There is an old Hotel/Pub in Marble Arch, London which used to have gallows adjacent. Prisoners were taken to the gallows (after a fair trial of course) to be hung.. The horse drawn dray, carting the prisoner was accompanied by an armed guard, who would stop the dray outside the pub and ask the prisoner if he would like ''ONE LAST DRINK''.
If he said YES it was referred to as ONE FOR THE ROAD
If he declined, that prisoner was ON THE WAGON
So there you go.
More bleeding history.
They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot & then once a day it was taken & sold to the tannery. If you had to do this to survive you were "**** Poor". But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn’t even afford to buy a pot they "Didn’t have a pot to **** in" & were the lowest of the low.

The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s:
Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and they still smelled pretty good by June. However, since they were starting to smell brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odour. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.
Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the Bath water!"

Houses had thatched roofs, thick straw piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, "Dirt Poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way. Hence: a thresh hold. (Getting quite an education, aren't you?)

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme: ''Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old''.

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, "Bring home the Bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around talking and ''Chew the fat''..

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning & death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or ''The Upper Crust''.

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of ''Holding a Wake''.

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift.) to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be, ''Saved by the Bell '' or was considered a ''Dead Ringer''

And that's the truth...Now, whoever said History was boring ! ! !

So . . ... get out there and educate someone! ~~~ Share these facts with a friend like I just did! ! !

From; George's Humour - Expanding your knowledge of useless facts

 

Only in Ky do you get this.....
Warning - Zombies | LEX18.com | Lexington, Kentucky

 

Did you hear about the guy who figured out women? He died laughing before he could tell anyone.

Scientists have recently begun to suspect that beer contains female hormones- If you drink enough you can't drive, start talking gibberish, and lose your ability to think clearly.

 

One of these days we ought to round up all the dog and pet jokes in one place, ya know?

Puppy dog laws of motion:
1) If stuff is flung everywhere, amid great clamor and consternation - but you yourself are travelling in the direction you intended to go; it is called co-ordination.

2) A Puppy at rest tends to remain at rest as long as you are looking

3) A Vector is a body at a steady speed in a constant direction. A Delta Vee is a changing vector. A Puppy is a Delta "PEE" - where "PEE" is expressed as the last known Indication of Position

4) In order to bring about a change of motion, some form of energy must be consumed. Scooby snacks are very useful for this

5) Occasionally Puppies may lose their internal GPS co-ordinates and have to be retrieved - the reset function is located in the tail

6) Speed is relative. If anything is left of your favorite shoes or boots when you find them, they were relatively tasteless...

Other notes:
Recent studies may have uncovered an ability that Puppies have to prioritise and assign values:
Given any choice - Puppies will invariably chew on the most expensive item first!

Puppy fur is wash and wear. If you have a Puppy - any fur that gets into your washing machine you get to wear.

PUPPY DEFINED: "Diversion/Portable - Self Guiding/Organic" see also "Delivery System, Water/Mud Slurry"

"Portable Party Leftover Eliminator; 01 EA"

"General Rodent Remover" (Yep - "Grr")

Prolly the riskiest:
"Portable Organic Outer Perimeter Excrement Replenisher"
(In charge of maintaining the "DOO" Line)

 

woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet
she had stayed by his bedside every single day.

One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, 'You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side...
You know what Martha?'
'What dear?' she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.......


'I'm beginning to think you're bad luck....'