The Safe for GNAC Joke Thread!!!
Thread Starter
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Cargo Master
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 3,191
Likes: 2,007
From: SW Washington
A New Car
Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for
women.
Mixing the Renault 'Clio' and the Ford 'Taurus' they have designed the
'Clitaurus'. It comes in pink, and the average male car thief won't be
able to find it — let alone turn it on – even if someone tells him
where it isand how to do it.
Rumor has it though, that it leaks transmission fluid once a month,
and can be a real bitch to start in the morning! Some have reported
that on cold winter mornings, when you really need it, you can’t get
it to turn over.
New models are initially fun to own, but very costly to maintain, and
horribly expensive to get rid of. Used models may initially appear to
have curb appeal and a low price, but eventually have an increased
appetite for fuel, and the curb weight typically increases with age.
Manufacturers are baffled as to how the size of the trunk increases,
but say that the paint may just make it LOOK bigger.
This model is not expected to reach collector status. Most owners find
it is best to lease one, and replace it each year.
Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for
women.
Mixing the Renault 'Clio' and the Ford 'Taurus' they have designed the
'Clitaurus'. It comes in pink, and the average male car thief won't be
able to find it — let alone turn it on – even if someone tells him
where it isand how to do it.
Rumor has it though, that it leaks transmission fluid once a month,
and can be a real bitch to start in the morning! Some have reported
that on cold winter mornings, when you really need it, you can’t get
it to turn over.
New models are initially fun to own, but very costly to maintain, and
horribly expensive to get rid of. Used models may initially appear to
have curb appeal and a low price, but eventually have an increased
appetite for fuel, and the curb weight typically increases with age.
Manufacturers are baffled as to how the size of the trunk increases,
but say that the paint may just make it LOOK bigger.
This model is not expected to reach collector status. Most owners find
it is best to lease one, and replace it each year.
Lead Driver
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 6,335
Likes: 6
From: Midwest
Timbuktu
A Poetry Competition was held in the Baton Rouge had come down to two
finalists;
A) An LSU graduate.
B) Boudreaux.
They were given a word, and then allowed two minutes to study the word and
come up with a short four line poem that contained the word.
The word they were given was ' TIMBUKTU '.
First to recite his poem was the LSU graduate. He stepped to the
microphone
and said:
Slowly across the desert sand,
Trekked a lonely caravan
Men on camels, two by two
Destination - Timbuktu
The crowd went crazy !. No way could Boudreaux top that, they thought.
Boudreaux calmly made his way to the microphone and recited;
Me and Tim a huntin' went
Met three hoes in a pop up tent
They were three, and we were two
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu .
Boudreaux won.
A Poetry Competition was held in the Baton Rouge had come down to two
finalists;
A) An LSU graduate.
B) Boudreaux.
They were given a word, and then allowed two minutes to study the word and
come up with a short four line poem that contained the word.
The word they were given was ' TIMBUKTU '.
First to recite his poem was the LSU graduate. He stepped to the
microphone
and said:
Slowly across the desert sand,
Trekked a lonely caravan
Men on camels, two by two
Destination - Timbuktu
The crowd went crazy !. No way could Boudreaux top that, they thought.
Boudreaux calmly made his way to the microphone and recited;
Me and Tim a huntin' went
Met three hoes in a pop up tent
They were three, and we were two
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu .
Boudreaux won.
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Hotshot
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 11,537
Likes: 27
From: Long Beach, Ms.
The guy has a spiel that is terrific. He's going places.
<iframe width="853" height="480" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/heoL50v1_Y0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature...v=heoL50v1_Y0#!
<iframe width="853" height="480" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/heoL50v1_Y0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature...v=heoL50v1_Y0#!
Fleet Owner
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 28,609
Likes: 18
From: Lake Tahoe, Nevada
Hotshot
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 11,537
Likes: 27
From: Long Beach, Ms.
Hotshot
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 11,537
Likes: 27
From: Long Beach, Ms.
An old sailor was out walking on the dock one day when he met a former ship mate of his. They had not seen each other for many years so they had much to talk about and many old memories to renew. After some time, one said to the other , "If you don't mind my saying so, you don't look very good, you must have experienced some bad luck".
"Yes," the other one said, "I have. You see this peg leg? Well, one day I was out on deck and my leg become dangled up in a loose line and it was so badly mangled that they had to take it off at the knee."
His friend agreed that was bad luck.
The other one continued. "You see I have a hook for a hand. One day I was out on deck when a shipmate of mine fell overboard. I leaned over as far as I could in a attempt to rescue him and as I extended my hand to him a shark took my hand off."
"My, you really did experience bad luck, the other responded, I see you have a patch over one eye, What happened to your eye?"
"Well, I was out on deck again one day and just as I looked up, a seagull that was flying over , unloaded, and got me right in the eye."
"Did that take your eye out?
No, that was the first day I had my hook."
"Yes," the other one said, "I have. You see this peg leg? Well, one day I was out on deck and my leg become dangled up in a loose line and it was so badly mangled that they had to take it off at the knee."
His friend agreed that was bad luck.
The other one continued. "You see I have a hook for a hand. One day I was out on deck when a shipmate of mine fell overboard. I leaned over as far as I could in a attempt to rescue him and as I extended my hand to him a shark took my hand off."
"My, you really did experience bad luck, the other responded, I see you have a patch over one eye, What happened to your eye?"
"Well, I was out on deck again one day and just as I looked up, a seagull that was flying over , unloaded, and got me right in the eye."
"Did that take your eye out?
No, that was the first day I had my hook."
Hotshot
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 11,537
Likes: 27
From: Long Beach, Ms.
Q. What's the difference between a terrorist and a redhead?
A. You can negotiate with a terrorist
Q. How do you know a guy at the beach has a redhead for a girlfriend?
A. She has scratched "stay off MY TURF!" on his back with her nails
Q. What do you call a Redhead with an attitude?
A. Normal
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A redhead!
Q. How do you know when your redhead has forgiven you?
A. She stops washing your clothes in the toilet bowl.
Q. How do you get a redhead to argue with you?
A. Say something
Q. How do you know when a redhead has been using a computer?
A. There's a hammer embedded in the monitor
Q. What's safer: a redhead or a piranha?
A. The piranha. They only attack in schools
Q: What's the Redhead Dating Motto?
A: The fastest way to a man's heart is through his ribcage.
Q. How do you get a redhead's mood to change?
A. Wait 10 seconds
Q. Why aren't there any more redhead jokes
A. Someone told them to a redhead.
A. You can negotiate with a terrorist
Q. How do you know a guy at the beach has a redhead for a girlfriend?
A. She has scratched "stay off MY TURF!" on his back with her nails
Q. What do you call a Redhead with an attitude?
A. Normal
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A redhead!
Q. How do you know when your redhead has forgiven you?
A. She stops washing your clothes in the toilet bowl.
Q. How do you get a redhead to argue with you?
A. Say something
Q. How do you know when a redhead has been using a computer?
A. There's a hammer embedded in the monitor
Q. What's safer: a redhead or a piranha?
A. The piranha. They only attack in schools
Q: What's the Redhead Dating Motto?
A: The fastest way to a man's heart is through his ribcage.
Q. How do you get a redhead's mood to change?
A. Wait 10 seconds
Q. Why aren't there any more redhead jokes
A. Someone told them to a redhead.
Hotshot
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 11,537
Likes: 27
From: Long Beach, Ms.
A golfer stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity. Looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed and all the while driving his partner nuts.
Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the darn ball!"
The guy says, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."
The partner says, "Forget it, man, you'll never hit her from here!"
Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the darn ball!"
The guy says, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."
The partner says, "Forget it, man, you'll never hit her from here!"