Barrack Obama was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below.

Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, 3 kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.

The first kid said, 'I want to go to Disney World & Barrack said, 'No problem, I'll take you there on Air Force One.'

The second kid said, 'I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan shoes. Barrack said, 'I'll get them for you and even have Michael Jordan sign them.'

The third kid said, 'I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in TV and stereo headset.'

Barrack was a little perplexed by this and said, 'But you don't look like you're handicapped.

The kid said, 'I will be after my dad finds out I saved your *** from drowning.'

 

Love it!!!!!

 

A boy scout leader was interviewed on the radio recently. Read his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you have to love this! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
So, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your camp?

TROOP LEADER:!
We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?

TROOP LEADER:
I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

TROOP LEADER:
I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER:
But you're equipping them to become violent killers.

TROOP LEADER:
Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

 

Now Thats funny I don`t care who you are.

 

 

2012 Democratic National Convention Schedule -- Charlotte, N.C.

4:00 PM – Opening Flag-Burning Ceremony – sponsored by CNN
4:05 PM – Singing of "God Damn America " led by Rev. Jeremiah Wright
4:10 PM – Pledge of Allegiance to Obama

4:15 PM – Ceremonial 'I hate America' led by Michelle Obama
4:30 PM – Tips on “How to keep your man trustworthy and true to you while you travel the world” – Hillary Clinton

5:00 PM – “Great Vacations I’ve Taken on the Taxpayer’s Dime Travel Log” - Michelle Obama
5:30 PM – Eliot Spitzer Speaks on "Family Values" via Satellite
5:45 PM – Tribute to All 57 States

6:00 PM – Sen. Harry Reid - 90-minute speech expressing the Democrat’s appreciation of the Occupy Wall Street movement, and George Soros for sparing no expense, for all that they have accomplished to unify the country, improve employment and to boost the economy.


8:30 PM – Airing of Grievances by the Clintons
9:00 PM – “Bias in Media – How we can make it work for you” Tutorial – sponsored by CBS, NBC, ABC, and the Washington Post and the New York Times

9:15 PM – Tribute Film to Brave Freedom Fighters incarcerated at GITMO – Michael Moore
9:45 PM – Personal Finance Seminar - Charlie Rangle
10:00 PM – Denunciation of Bitter Gun Owners and Bible readers

10:30 PM – Ceremonial Waving of White Flag for IRAQ , & Afghanistan
11:00 PM – Obama Energy Plan Symposium / Tire Gauge Demonstration / You too can get rich with Green Investment bankruptcies
11:15 PM – Free Gov. Blagowitcz rally

11:30 PM – Obama Accepts Oscar, Tony and Latin Grammy Awards
11:45 PM – Feeding of the Delegates with 5 Loaves and 2 Fish – Obama Presiding
12:00 AM – Official Nomination of Obama by Bill Maher and Chris “He sends a thrill up my leg” Matthews

12:01 AM – Obama Accepts Nomination as Lord and Savior
12:05 AM – Celestial Choirs Sing
3:00 AM – Biden Delivers Acceptance Speech


The New Democratic Party Symbol


The Democratic Party today announced that it is changing its symbol from the Donkey to a Condom because it more accurately reflects the Party's political stance.

A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed!






Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that!

 

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for a beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100.
If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:
The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.00
The sixth would pay $3.00
The seventh would pay $7.00
The eighth would pay $12.00
The ninth would pay $18.00
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.00
So that's what they decided to do. The men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day the owner threw them a curve.
"Since you are all such good customers," he said, "I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20.00."
Drinks for the ten men now cost just $80.00.
The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes, so the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free. But what about the other six men - the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get their "fair share?"
They realized that $20.00 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer. So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.
And so:
The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).
The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33% savings).
The seventh now paid $5 instead of $7 (28% savings).
The eighth now paid $9 instead of 12 (25% savings).
The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).
The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).
Each of the six was better off than before! And the first four continued to drink for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings.
I only got a dollar out of the $20" declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man, "But he got $10!"
"Yeah, that's right," shouted the seventh man. "Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!"
"Wait a minute," yelled the first four men in unison. "We didn't I get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!"
The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.
The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!
And that, boys and girls, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.

For those who understand, no explanation is needed.
For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible – forward to your progressive friends.

 

To make it right everyone should pay the same %. no one should pay less % no one should pay more %. that is the fare way. kill them all and let god sort it out.

 

Right on Chad!

 

COSTELLO: (Reporter) I want to talk about the unemployment rate in America .

ABBOTT: (Obama) Good Subject. Terrible Times. It's 9%.

COSTELLO: That many people are out of work?
...
ABBOTT: No, that's 16%.

COSTELLO: You just said 9%.

ABBOTT: 9% Unemployed.

COSTELLO: Right 9% out of work.

ABBOTT: No, that's 16%.

COSTELLO: Okay, so it's 16% unemployed.

ABBOTT: No, that's 9%...

COSTELLO: WAIT A MINUTE. Is it 9% or 16%?

ABBOTT: 9% are unemployed. 16% are out of work.

COSTELLO: IF you are out of work you are unemployed.

ABBOTT: No, you can't count the "Out of Work" as the unemployed. You have to
look for work to be unemployed.

COSTELLO: BUT THEY ARE OUT OF WORK!!!

ABBOTT: No, you miss my point.

COSTELLO: What point?

ABBOTT: Someone who doesn't look for work, can't be counted with those who
look for work. It wouldn't be fair.

COSTELLO: To whom?

ABBOTT: The unemployed.

COSTELLO: But they are ALL out of work.

ABBOTT: No, the unemployed are actively looking for work. Those who are out
of work stopped looking. They gave up. And, if you give up, you are no
longer in the ranks of the unemployed.

COSTELLO: So if you're off the unemployment roles, that would count as less
unemployment?

ABBOTT: Unemployment would go down. Absolutely!

COSTELLO: The unemployment just goes down because you don't look for work?

ABBOTT: Absolutely it goes down. That's how you get to 9%. Otherwise it
would be 16%. You don't want to read about 16% unemployment, do ya?

COSTELLO: That would be frightening.

ABBOTT: Absolutely.

COSTELLO: Wait, I got a question for you. That means there are two ways to
bring down the unemployment number?

ABBOTT: Two ways is correct.

COSTELLO: Unemployment can go down if someone gets a job?

ABBOTT: Correct.

COSTELLO: And unemployment can also go down if you stop looking for a job?

ABBOTT: Bingo.

COSTELLO: So there are two ways to bring unemployment down, and the easier
of the two is to just stop looking for work.

ABBOTT: Now you're thinking like Obama

COSTELLO: I don't even know what the hell I just said!

ABBOTT: Now you're thinking like a Democrat!

 

Cheers!

 

T'was the night before elections


And all through the town


Tempers were flaring


Emotions up and down

I, in my bathrobe


With a cat in my lap


Had cut off the TV


tired of political crap

When all of a sudden


There arose such a noise


I peered out my window


Saw Obama and his boys

They had come for my wallet


They wanted my pay


To give to the others


Who had not worked a day!

He snatched up my money


And quick as a wink


Jumped back on his wagon


As I gagged from the stink

He rallied his henchmen


Who were pulling his cart


I could tell they were out


To tear my country apart!

'On Fannie, on Freddie,


On Biden and Ayers!


On Acorn, On Pelosi'


He screamed at the pairs!

They took off for his cause


And as they flew out of sight


I heard him laugh at the nation


Who wouldn't stand up and fight!


So I leave you to think


On this one final note—


IF YOU DON'T LIKE A SOCIALIST,


GET OUT AND VOTE !!!!

 

I just about fell off my chair.

 

During a recent Romney campaign stop, a heckler from the audience hollered, "Hey Mitt Witt, where are you hiding your tax returns?





Governor Romney politely responded, "I've found a very secure place that I'm certain they won't be found." The insistent heckler, then shouted, "And just where is that, dummy"?





Governor Romney smiled and said, "They are underneath Obama's college records, his immigration status as a student, and his funding sources to pay for college. What's your next question?"

 

Towards the end of a round of golf, Dave hit his ball into the woods and
found it in a patch of pretty, yellow buttercups.

Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every
buttercup in the patch.

All of a sudden? POOF!!

In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared.

She said, 'I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those
buttercups? Just for doing what you have done, you won't have any butter
for your popcorn for the rest of your life... better still, you won't have
any butter for your toast for the rest of your life.... As a matter of
fact, you'll never have any butter for anything for the rest of your
life!!!'

Then POOF!... she was gone!

After Dave recovered from the shock, he hollered for his friend, 'Fred,
where are you?'

Fred yells back 'I'm over here in the pusssy willows.'

Dave shouts back,
'DON'T SWING, Fred !' FOR THE LOVE OF GOD , DON'T SWING!!!'