A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, to beconfronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum

cleaner. 'Good morning,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple minutes ofyour time, I would like to

demonstrate the very latest in high-poweredvacuum cleaners".

''Go away!'' said the old lady. ''I'm broke and haven't got any money!'' and she proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. ''Don't be too hasty!'' he said.

''Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.''

And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. "Now if this vacuum cleaner does not remove

all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."

The old lady stepped back and said, "Well let me get you a fork, 'cause they cut off my electricity this morning."

 

 

This guy's tooth has been hurting for two weeks. Finally, he goes in to see his Dentist.

But his Dentist isn't there. That's OK, there's another Doctor in the practice. It's a woman, but he's willing to give her a try. So, he explains that his tooth has been hurting for two weeks and getting worse, and she says "Sit in the chair, let's give it a look."

So, he sits down, she gets her tools out, pokes and prods, and he squirms and says 'Ow' a lot. She finally stops, says "I've got bad news: It an abcess, it's infected, it's got to come out Right Now, and it's going to hurt a lot." He says "Crap. OK, do it."

She says "Here's a Penicillin shot for the infection". "I hate needles!" he says. She sticks him in the shoulder, he squirms and says "Damn! That hurts! I hate needles."

She says "OK, I'm going to numb you up now:. He says "No! No more needles!" So, she withdraws. He says "Gimme the gas. I can take that, I think." So, she puts the mask on him. A minute later, he rips the mask off and says "I can't stand it. I'm suffocating. You got anything else?"

The Dentist says "Hmm. Hang on just a minute." and leaves the room.

A minute later she comes back and gives him two blue-colored pills. He swallows them down with some water, and asks "What was that?" "Viagra", she says. "Viagra! I didn't know that was an anesthetic." "It's not." she says. "It's to give you something to hold on to while I pull that tooth out of your head!"

 

 

“In a recent interview, President Obama said Joe Biden ‘would be a superb president.’ In a related story, Hillary Clinton punched a hole in a door.” –Seth Meyers

 

 

 

 

I stopped by the Ford Dealership yesterday, for a look at the new F-350 SuperDuty. I decided to take it for a test drive, noticed that the sales lady was wearing a "Hillary for President" lapel pin, but I didn't really give it much thought. She sat in the passenger seat next to me, describing the truck and all its options as we drove. The seats were of particular interest. She explained that the seats directed warm air to your butt in the winter and directed cool air to your butt in the summer heat. I smiled and said that this must be a Donald Trump truck. Looking a bit perplexed, she asked why I thought it was a Trump truck. I explained that if it were a Hillary truck, the seats would just blow smoke up your *** all year-round. The two mile walk back to the dealership was worth it.