Little old lady goes into the store & is bewildered over the large selection of toilet paper.
"Pardon me, sir," she says to the store manager, "but can you explain the differences in all these toilet papers?" "Well," he replies pointing out one brand, "this is as soft as a baby's bottom. It's $1.50 per roll."
He grabs another and says, "This is nice and soft, strong but gentle, and it's $1.00 a roll."
Pointing to the bottom shelf he tells her, "We call that our No Name brand, and it's 20 cents per roll."
"Give me the No Name," she says. She comes back about a week later, seeks out the manager and says, "Hey! I've got a name for your No Name toilet paper. I call it John Wayne."
"Why?" he asks.
"Because it's rough, it's tough and it don't take crap from anybody!"

 

The Lil Old Lady then visits her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband's libido.
"What about trying ******?" asks the doctor. "Not a chance" she replies. "He won't even take an aspirin".
"Not a problem," says the doctor. "Give him ******.” "What on Earth is ******?" she asks.
"It's ****** & dissolves in his morning cup of coffee. He won't even taste it. Let me know how it goes," he says. She calls the doctor the very next afternoon. "How did it go?" he asks.
"Oh faith, bejaysus and begorrah, doctor, it was terrible. Just horrid, I tell ya! I'm beside myself!"
"Oh, no! What in the world happened?" "Well, I did the deed, Doctor, just as you advised. I put the ****** in his morning coffee, and he drank it. Well, you know, it took effect almost immediately, and he jumps straight up out of his chair with a smile on his face, a twinkle in his eye and his pants a-bulging. Then, with one fierce swoop of his arm, he sent the cups, saucers, and everything else that was on the table flying across the room, rips me clothes to tatters and passionately took me then and there, right on top of the table. T’was a nightmare, I tell ya, an absolute nightmare!"
“Why so terrible?" asks the doctor. "Wasn't the sex good?"
"Freakin jaysus, it was the best sex I've had in over 25 years, but sure as I'm sittin' here, Doc...
I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again!

 

 

 

 

 

https://youtu.be/Uu5hzc2Mei4

No trees were killed to send this message,
but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

 

^ ^ ^ Many years ago, back when I was too young to even go to school, a skunk had crawled under the family car. Dad had gone out the front door on his way to work and saw the skunk. He was puzzled about what to do and certainly didn't want to get close to the skunk. The neighbor had walked out of his place about the same time and the two guys got to chatting about what to do. The neighbor indicated that he could handle it so Dad came back inside to stay out of the way. About 2 minutes later was the unmistakable sound of a .22 rifle shot. The neighbor had shot the skunk while it was still under the car. The stench was what you'd expect, and the spray/odor had covered the underside of the car.

But the story gets better. Back then not a lot of passenger cars had a hitch ball and suspension sufficient to pull a lot of weight. The car was scheduled to pull a float in the local parade that night. No replacement was found in time, so the local Lion's Club float was pulled by the car, leaving the unmistakable skunk odor in its path. I still wonder how badly the girls on the float suffered that night....

 

That's so ridiculous its funny!
Ride on Ladies, when on a float trip! .....

 

 

Ya can say that getting my 50 lb. drone stuck in a tree
with our orders of Taco's hasn’t been the worst thing
that happened to me today. Planting, planting and
more planting but losing the Drone, Well?
It’s definitely up there.