The Safe for GNAC Joke Thread!!!
Cargo Master
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 2,196
Likes: 120
From: Carstairs Alberta
Canadian girls don't take no crap, at least not mine. smack her an you better make the first one real good. because I guarantee she will make sure she does what it takes to finish it. carving knife, club, or other
i ain't rite
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 65,515
Likes: 5,567
From: Marlboro Mental Hospital.
Hotshot
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 14,069
Likes: 17
From: Melbourne, Ky
Got this in an email. Wonder if any LEO's on here have used any of these!
These are actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were taken off their car video.
1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."
3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." (My Favorite)
4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)
6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." ( National Crime Information Center )
13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"
14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
AND THE WINNER IS....
16.. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.
Sign here."
These are actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were taken off their car video.
1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."
3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." (My Favorite)
4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)
6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." ( National Crime Information Center )
13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"
14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
AND THE WINNER IS....
16.. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.
Sign here."
i ain't rite
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 65,515
Likes: 5,567
From: Marlboro Mental Hospital.
i used 4, 6, 8, and 14 regularly when i wore the badge.
i also had one smartass trying to be a big man in front of his girlfriend and ask me if i would shoot him. i said something to the effect of: "no, cause if i shoot you i will have to clean my gun afterwards, and you are not worth the work required to clean it. i will however beat you to death with my nightstick"
he was very polite to me after that.
i also had one smartass trying to be a big man in front of his girlfriend and ask me if i would shoot him. i said something to the effect of: "no, cause if i shoot you i will have to clean my gun afterwards, and you are not worth the work required to clean it. i will however beat you to death with my nightstick"
he was very polite to me after that.
FTE Legend
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 161,105
Likes: 8,089
From: North Bay Ont Canada
Good one Tom, not worth the bullet or the extra work, lol
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Cargo Master
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 2,333
Likes: 35
From: South Carolina
I woke up this morning at 8, and could smell something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn’t know what to do.
Then I remembered McDonald’s serves breakfast until 10:30.
Then I remembered McDonald’s serves breakfast until 10:30.
Fleet Owner
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 28,609
Likes: 18
From: Lake Tahoe, Nevada
Hotshot
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 14,069
Likes: 17
From: Melbourne, Ky
A very funny video. Be sure to read the guys comments about the video lower on the page!
Video about ESD both shocking and funny
I know we've all done stupid stuff. This video really makes the point!
Video about ESD both shocking and funny
I know we've all done stupid stuff. This video really makes the point!
i ain't rite
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 65,515
Likes: 5,567
From: Marlboro Mental Hospital.
After being married for 51 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, "Fifty one years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 23-year-old girl. Now ... I have a $500,000.00 home, a $35,000.00 car, a nice big bed and a large screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 73-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."
My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.
Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve an old guy's problems!
My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.
Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve an old guy's problems!