Fastest Trooper in Montana

In most of the United States there is a policy of checking on any stalled vehicle on the hightway when temperatures drop to single digits or below. About 3 AM one very cold morning, Montana State Trooper Allan Nixon #658 responded to a call there was a car off the shoulder of the road outside Great Falls, Montana. He located the car, stuck in deep snow with the engine still running.

Pulling in behind the car with his emergency lights on, the trooper walked to the driver's door to find an older man passed out behing the wheel with a nearly empty vodka bottle on the seat beside him. The driver came awake when the trooper tapped on the window. Seeing the rotating lights in his rearview mirror, and the state trooper standing next to his car, the man panicked. He jerked the gearshift into 'drive' and hit the gas.

The car's speedometer was showing 20-30-40 and then 50 MPH, but it was still stuck in the snow, wheels spinning. Trooper Nixon, having a sense of humor, began running in place next to the speeding (but stationary) car. The driver was totally freaked, thinking the trooper was actually keeping up with him. This goes on for about 30 seconds, then the trooper yelled. "PULL OVER!"

The man nodded, turned his wheel and stopped the engine. Needless to say, the man from North Dakota was arrested and is probably still shaking his head over the state trooper in Montana who could run 50 miles per hour.

Who says troopers don't have a sense of humor?

 

Picture this, true story...
Driving home after a long trip, wife's asleep in the passenger side.
Following a tow rig with a tractor slung from the rear.
I yell, 'oh no! a few times and grab the brakes...(nothing behind me)
She jumps up and sees out the windshield a rig heading right for us...
We pull over to remove her fist from my side.

 

Are you TRYING to commit suicide?

 

hahaha, I'd probably get put out of my own truck for that one!!!!!

 

Obama goes on a State visit to Israel. While he is on a tour of Jerusalem, he has a fatal heart attack.

The undertaker tells the US diplomats: "You can have him shipped home for $1 million or you can bury him here in the Holy Land for $100".


The US diplomats go into a huddle and come back to the undertaker and tell him they still want Obama flown home.

The undertaker is puzzled and asks: "Why would you spend $1 million to get him home when it would be wonderful to be buried here in this religious country and you would only spend $100?".


One diplomat replied: "More than 2000 years ago a man died here, was buried here, and just 3 days later he rose from the dead. We simply can't take that risk".

In God We Trust

 

Its amazing how the funniest things are based in truth

 

True story...



I was eating lunch today with my 12 year old grandson when his mom asked him

"What is tomorrow?" He said "It's President's Day"



She asked "What does that mean?" .... I was waiting for something profound...



He said . . .

"President's Day is when Obama steps out of the White House and if he sees his shadow,

we have 2 more years of unemployment."



I almost snorted my iced tea.
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double post..... sorry

 

Why Sharks
Circle You Before Attacking.

Two great white sharks swimming in
the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship.
"Follow me son" the father shark
said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.

"First we swim around them a few
times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.

"Well done, son! Now we swim
around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did.

"Now we eat everybody." And they
did.
When they were both gorged, the
son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first?

Why did we swim around and around
them?"

His wise father replied, "Because
they taste better without the poop inside!"


Now you know...
Why Sharks
Circle You Before Attacking.
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One day a fourth-grade
teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a
living.


All the typical answers came up
- fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman... and so
forth.


However, little Justin was
being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him
about his father, he replied, "My father's an exotic dancer
in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes to music in front
of other men and they put money in his underwear.


Sometimes, if the offer is
really good, he will go home with some guy and stay with him all
night for money."

The teacher, obviously shaken
by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on
some exercises and took little Justin aside to ask him, "Is
that really true about your father?"

"No," the boy said,
"He works for the Democratic National Committee and helped
to get Obama elected, but it's too embarrassing to say that in
front of the other kids."

 

Hey Mary's Landers, here's one for you.:

texass Vasectomy

After a dozen kids, the texan couple decided that was enough. & that they couldn't afford a bigger bed.

Husband goes to his veterinarian & says "Me & my cousin decided we don't want no more kids."

Vet says "Well, there's a procedure called a vasectomy that will solve your problem. Problem is, it's kinda expensive. A cheaper method is to go home, light a cherry bomb, drop it in a beer can & hold it up to your ear & count to 10."

The texan says "I know I ain't right real bright, but I don't see how that's gonna help."

Vet says "Just trust me, I'm the doctor here."

So the texan goes home starts doing what the vet told him. He has the beer can next to his ear & is counting.
"1"
"2"
"3"
Gets to 5 & puts the can between his legs to hold it so he can use the other hand to get to 10. Also reported to work in Ark. & La.

 

OH. MY. Gawd. He shoulda got a second opinion! (2 Fingers!)

 

I don't know where else to put this piece of knowledge:

Interesting quote

“The fact that we are here today to debate raising America's debt limit is a sign of leadership failure. It is a sign that the US Government can not pay its own bills. It is a sign that we now depend on ongoing financial assistance from foreign countries to finance our Government's reckless fiscal policies. Increasing America's debt weakens us domestically and internationally. Leadership means that, "the buck stops here.' Instead, Washington is shifting the burden of bad choices today onto the backs of our children and grandchildren. America has a debt problem and a failure of leadership. Americans deserve better.”

-- Senator Barack H. Obama, March 2006

 

wow. I'm speachless after that

 

Did you know???
The Goldberg Brothers -
The Inventors of the Automobile Air Conditioner

Here's a little factoid for automotive buffs or just to
dazzle your friends.

The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram,
and Max, invented and
developed the first automobile
air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was
97 degrees.

The four brothers walked into
old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter.

Henry was curious and invited them into his office.They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car.

They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the
car off immediately.

The old man got very excited
and invited them back to the office, where he offered them
$3 million for the patent.

The brothers refused, saying
they would settle for $2
million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,' on the dashboard of each car
in which it was installed.

Now old man Ford was more
than just a little anti-Semitic,
and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords.

They haggled back and forth
for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that
just their first names would be shown.

And so to this day, all Ford
air conditioners show --
Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max --
on the controls.