man that was bad.

 

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students.

"Human beings are the only animals that stutter," she
says.

A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who
stuttered," she volunteers.

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories can become, asks
the girl to describe the incident.

"Well," the girl begins, "I was in the back yard with
my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a
running start, and before we knew it, jumped over the fence into our yard!"

"That must've been scary," says the teacher.

"It sure was," says the little girl. "My kitty raised
his back, went, 'Sssss, Sssss, Sssss'...and before he
could say '****,' the Rottweiler ate him!"

The teacher wet her pants laughing.

 

i'm out as well kids!
good night!
don't forget to tip your waitress.

 

A professor at the University was giving a lecture on Involuntary Muscular Contractions to his first year medical students.

Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, “Do you know what your ******* is doing while you are having an orgasm?”





She replied, “Probably deer hunting with his buddies?”

 

LOL!!

 

never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so
much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have
never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into
bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel
like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me
to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look
by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in
the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with
her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on
several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to
take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to
compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We
went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond
earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was
one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because
she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play
tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel
like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled
WHAT?"

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're
just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy
your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she
was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and
not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

 

talk to yall later.

 

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to
the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes,and said, "I would like to
buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I
can't
give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll
lose
my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things
will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband
in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's
different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

 

ROFLMAO!!! Just going for the posts or what man?

 

I might stick around for a little while.

 

yep, jerry is catching me up

 

God im bored.

 

Looking at it im only thirty or so behind you.

 

Three hillbillies are sitting on a porch. One says, ''My wife has got to be the dumbest. She's so stupid she went shoppin' today and bought an air-conditioner and we don't even have electricity!"

The others laugh.

The next hick says, "Ah that ain't nothin'! My wife's dumber - she went shoppin' yesterday and had a washin' machine delivered!"

They all laughed and laughed because no one had plumbing.

The third hillbilly said, "Well, I reckon my woman has got to be the dumbest. Just this mornin' I was looking though her purse for some chewin' tobacco and I found six rubbers. Hell, she ain't got no dick!"

 

hey i might just have to catch up.