Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?" She hit me.

I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up fast.

I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here.

I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!"-

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

Wouldn't you know it...Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.

Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed in a federal building?

Bumper sticker of the year: "If you can read this, thank a teacher....and since it's in English, thank a soldier."

 

That's some great one-liners.lol. I'd add a few,but most of the ones I know have been around awile.

 

Is that sticker one real?

 

"Love & Marriage is Grand, Divorce,,, is a Hundred Grand"

"Never mind the size of the house, what's the size of the garage?"

 

yeah,the bumper sticker one is real,i have seen one around here on a truck tool box before

 

Why is divorce so expensive? Because it is worth it!

 

While I'm at it and to keep the bumper sticker thing going: Will the last American leaving Miami please bring the flag?

 

[QUOTE=Mil1ion]"Love & Marriage is Grand, Divorce,,, is a Hundred Grand"

Isn't that the truth... Couldn't of said it better myself.. Yes, been there.

 

on telling my witty uncle that my brakes were gone
he replied "no brakes never stopped anyone"

 

"Friends don't let friends drive Chebbys"

 

american made plane and simple on my dash " this ranger is powered by a V6. due to possible breathing problems under rapid acceleration, all females are advised to remove any tight fitting or constrictive clothing for their safty" then on the left it has a bra with a circle no symbol though it

 

"You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me!"

Bumper sticker:
Aunty Em,
Hate you. Hate Kansas. Takin' the dog.
Dorothy


Chris
Alberta

 

if anyone wants to know where the bumper sticker is, it can be found http://www.bumpertalk.com/~bumper/cg...gi/BD110A.html there.

I've never been able to remember one-liners. Unless you think that's funny. But then you're almost as retarded as I am.

 

I gradiated frum hiskool wif onorz

 

My bumper sticker: I fish.........because the voices in my head tell me to.