Robert a 62 year-old Billionaire is getting married to his stunning 23-year-old bride
in the vast garden of his 50,000-square-foot mansion.

Champagne is flowing and an enormous team of waiters was flitting about serving.
The Wedding Singer gets $3,000,000 & her Band $1,000,000

Finally a quiet moment in the Men's room one of his guest asks him,
"How did you land her?"

“Simple,” grinned the Billionaire, “She thinks I'm 85!"

_______________________________________________

 

During a job interview at The Dollar store,
"Steve, where do you see yourself in five years?”

So, Steve quickly considers his answer.
"Working for the $5 dollar Store!"

Later Steve is sitting in his favorite Coffee Shop.
He will start his new job on Monday and is planning stuff.
The Hottie waitress approaches him.

"Would you like our daily special?"
"No thank you, may I smell your hand
and consider what I'd like to have today!"

Have noticed if I don't pay to see a Baseball Game
I don't get to watch a Baseball Game! ... .....

 

Steven Wright was too funny to watch here.

 

Granny Hastings from the valley had never experienced a sick day in her life.

By the time a pair of husky interns got Granny tucked into bed, the skimpy gown,
Granny a shivering, mostly miserable.

Suddenly, Granny spotted a small plastic item with a button
"What's that?" she asked with suspicion.

"If you need anything in the middle of the night, Granny,"
said one of the interns, just press that button
it turns on a light in the hall for the nurse on duty,"

Later that night Granny is still freezing, needs a cup of coffee so she pushes
the button for hours, sleepless, a shivering & needing a hot cup of coffee.......


The Nurse came the following morning with breakfast.

______________

 

I have a holly in my back yard, every winter Mid-February,
100 's of Robins show up to eat the red Berries and get drunk,
they perch wherever to sober up.

A couple of days and they fly on north. ... ...

Nothing has changed with those birds' habits with those red Berries over the years.
It's like mother teaches son and father holds daughters close.
Heads tuck under wing out of wind. ... ...


_________________________________________________

 

Battery died; I called Triple A, to come out and they diagnosed it.

The original battery In Turbo's lasted 8 years, but now is in need of replacement.

So, they swapped it out. Well; Then I am driving away and it occurs to me,
Turbo's now runs on, AAA 's. ..... .....

__________________________________

 

I'm asked why I plow the soil up against the Wire Field Fence.
I had to think about it for a while.

Meanwhile he's getting fumed, madder and madder!
I let him fume a bit longer and after a good spit says,

"In a few years you can gain another 2 acres of ground
over the pulled and plowed posts.

U know he gave me a raise!
So; I thought about that!

"I quit !. ... I was onto something!

I convinced Farmers that I could rip out their Fences.
I had a great video of my first time ripping the fences out.!

 

The employees went hunting & three ducks fell. They threw them in a Cooler full of Ice in the bed of the F150 Hybrid truck and
were about to drive home when they're confronted by a thoroughly contemptable game warden. He hates green hunters!

The game warden orders them to show their hunting license. Sure, they show him their legal hunting licenses.
The game warden looked at the licenses, then reaches over and picks up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and says,
“This duck ain’t from around these parts!. This is a Kentucky duck. You fellas have Kentucky hunting licenses?”
They reach into their wallets and produce valid Kentucky hunting licenses.

The game warden looks at them, then reaches over and grabs the second duck, sniffs its butt, and says,
“This ain’t no Kentucky duck. This duck’s from Tennessee. You Fellers got valid Tennessee Duck hunting license?”
The Boys reach into their wallets and produce legal Tennessee licenses.

The warden then reaches out and picks up the third duck, sniffs its butt, and says This ain’t no Tennessee duck.
This here duck’s from Virginia. . You fellas have a current Virginia. Duck hunting license?”

Again they reach into their wallets and show him valid Virginia hunting licenses. The game warden is extremely frustrated.
At this point, he demands, “Just where in the hell are you fellas from?


This bunch of savvy guys turn around, drop their pants, bend over and say, " You tell us. '

 

Margo works in the Village Library marking stuff, making sure stuff returns and
adding to the fines and fees for the ones who haven't checked thier books back in time.

The passage of time seems relative to all of her days doing the tedious chores, time means
getting books back on the shelves. Years pass, she knows they drag by.

Then she finds a great local bar with a band and cool guys go in.
Time then passes 3 times as fast, there's uncountable amounts of men at closing time.

Is the passage of time only important to those experiencing its burns?.
Time, witnesses notice its passage of ?

 

My Grandmother had 18, my mom's mom 5,
my mom 8, I didn't have any.
More boys are the answer!

What my girlfriend thought. first four dates.
According to her best friends memory.

1) ... Nice shirt!!! .....
2) WOW ! .. nice shirt. .....
3) OK. ....first shirt again. Wow! ...
4) OK. .... He only has two shirts !. ...

 

I had 5 dress pants and dress shirts for school...
I soon started trading wearing the matched sets for unmatched.

After a few weeks it didn't matter what I wore,
I looked boring every day & guys started wearing Ked's.

I met my first girlfriend a Sophomore.

What my girlfriend thought, first four dates: She was a petite blond.

1)..... This guy has no fashion sense.
2)...... He seems like a nice guy, but that lack of fashion sense is a problem.
3)...... Ok. So he's a nice guy, socially awkward, with no fashion sense.
4)....... I'm going steady with a socially awkward nerd with no fashion sense.

Well, she wasn't boring, the conversations were stimulating and she French kissed great !
She now lives in a small midwestern town 300' from the E./W. B &.N. S.F. ... R.R. tracks.

 

I went out to see what he got into and
almost met the skunk myself.

I chased it out of the yard and
saw where it came under the fence,
that will be fixed in the morning.

When I came back into the garage the smell hit me.
but it wasn't strong like when its hit by a car
or sprays the neighborhood.

I did have to open the garage and
kick on the exhaust fan.

 

Winters grip on some of us!

 

The burglar brakes into the house.
He hears a loud voice say, "Jesus is watching!"
He stops dead in his tracks and looks around.
He sees the parrot..

"Was that you?" he asks.
"Yes," answers the parrot.
The criminal sighs in relief and asks
"What's your name?"
"Clarence," says the bird.

"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneers the burglar.
"What idiot named you Clarence?"


"The same idiot named the Rottweiler Jesus."

________________________________________

 

When I was young, I was poor...
But after many years of hard work,
I am no longer young.

One day I quite trying to make sense of stuff.
Now I stir the pot to see what comes of it.
Will the taste be bitter?

Some say, "The taste was bitter, it will add
Strength to the struggle!"

"Which will it be, a looser or a quitter?"
She, while hanging on the arm will
add, "will not quit!"

Ok I can save you a lot of time. The Duck dances on
an upside-down pot because I lit a candle inside it.