The local bar is so sure that its bartender is the strongest man around
that they offer a standing $1000 bet.

The bartender squeezes a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass,
and hands the lemon to a patron.
Anyone who can squeeze one more drop of juice out will win the money.
Many people have tried over time, (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.)
but nobody could do it.

One day Henry, now a 59 year old Senior & a little man walks into the bar,
wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and says in a tiny squeaky voice,
“I’d like to try the bet.” After the laughter had died down, the bartender says,
“Okay”, grabs a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed Henry the Lemon rind.

The crowd’s laughter turned to total silence as Henry clenched his fist
around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.

As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked Tiny Henry,
“What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, what?”

..... “I been working for the IRS all my Career!

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A parrot flies into a bar and orders a drink.
The bartender gives the parrot a drink.
The parrot complains:
"Hey! You forgot the little umbrella!"
The bartender puts the little umbrella into the drink and
the parrot is satisfied.

The parrot drinks a couple more drinks and then leaves.

After the parrot has left,
a man sitting next to it says to the bartender:
"Huh, I've never seen anything like that before!"

The bartender replies:
"So! Anyone can forget the little umbrella sometimes!"

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Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car.
Another hunter approached pulling his along too.
"Hey," He says, " I don't want to tell you how to do something
but I can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction.


Then the antlers won't dig into the ground."
After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it.


A little while later one hunter said to the other,
"You know, that guy was right.
This is a lot easier!"


"Yeah," says the other hunter, "but we're getting farther from the truck,"

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Karen is overheard by her mother reciting her homework,
“Two plus two, the son of a bitch is four;
four plus four, the son of a bitch is eight;
eight plus eight, the son of a bitch…;"

“Karen !” shouted her mother. “Stop swearing!”
“But mom!” Karen protests, “That’s what Mrs. Scott
taught us! She said we should recite it till we learned it!”

The next day Karens mother went to talk with Mrs. Scott
& complain. “No, no.” Mrs. Scott says very much upset !
“That’s not what I taught them. They’re supposed to say:
"Two plus two, the sum of which is four."

 

A private school is faced with a unique problem. 12-year-old girls are beginning to use lipstick and put it on in the bathroom.
That's fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night, the maintenance men have to remove them and the next day, the girls put them back on the mirrors.
Finally the principal decides that something has to be done. She calls the girls to the bathroom, meets with them
and the maintenance men....

She explains that all these lip prints are causing a major problem for the custodians.
They have to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it had been to
clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance men to show the girls how much efforts
required.

They dip long handles sponges in the toilets and clean the mirrors.
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

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I was once deliberating hard about a couple of girls I really liked in high school and which to ask to the sock hop.
So, I decide to just go and see if they have dates. Later I dance with them, I then had dated both of them, danced with
them and got them laughing at me. So then I leave and head to the bowling alley where my friends are to play the
pinball games and Bowl with my pals that were too shy to go to the Sock Hop.

I think those girls liked me more because they talked with me most every day after that. They even hired on to
help plant tomatoes on the 2 row Tomato planters pulled by me on the tractor. We had some good times. all dirty
and sweaty that Spring weekend. It was sort of fun to not be locked into the Boy Girl thing then.

Youth and hormones won out eventually! ...

My personal Mindless Joke Thread POST ! ...

 

I ask my best friend, "what's the matter John?"

John says, "I date many nice girls, but as soon as
I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother
doesn't like them."

I go, "Wow thas a bummer!"

Should I keep on looking? ... "Listen," I says, ... "why don't you find a girl
just like your mother?"

Many weeks go by and again I meet up with John.

"How ya doing John?"
"I met one like my mom & she loves her, and they have become fast friends."

"Are you and Mary going steady?"


"I'm afraid not. My Father can't stand her."

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....... there is a lot more pain ahead for ya!

 

I'm rushing around getting out of work and going on Vacation.
As I run through the shop, I hit my head on a low beam thus bleeding a lot.
A trip to the Emergency Room and 13 stitches later I am on my Motorcycle.
My Hair is Dried blood like a Friday 13th Freddy movie.
I'm on Vacation and its Friday evening, June 20th and long daylight.

2 Weeks later I buy a new 390 HP. Ford GTA.
I went through a lot of Concussion mistakes back then.
Got stuck in a H.S. School yard. ... "BUILD THE BALL TEAM NEW DOUGOUTS" ... "TWTJPS" ... ( thas what the JP said ) ...
It may not have cured me, but it mostly helped !

 

Is a dark, misty rain night.
The Marine Private is at his first post & on guard duty
He can't see much with all the moisture on his glasses !

The General steps out of his home & taking His dog
for a walk.
The nervous Private snaps to attention,
makes a perfect salute, and
snaps; "Sir, Good Evening, Sir ! "

The General, is out for some relaxation,
Returns the salute and says,
"Good evening soldier, nice night, isn't it?"

Private's not going to disagree with the General,
His glasses are fogged over with rain drops,
replies, "Sir, Yes Sir!".

The General continues,
"You know there's something about a stormy night
that I find soothing, it's really relaxing. Don't you agree?"

The Private didn't agree, he can't see ****!
& is just a private on guard duty.
"Sir, Yes Sir!"

The General's pointing at his dog,
"This is a Golden Retriever,
the best type of dog to train."

The Private glances at the dog but
still the rain, moisture and fog is so bad !
He just answers; "Sir, Yes Sir!"


The General continues
"I got this dog for my wife."
The Private simply says,
"Good trade Sir " !

__________________

 

A guy's at a rest area. Says to me, "I'm going to Texas away from my X and Kids. I
won't have to pay spousal or child support there."

He had stopped at a rest area for some quick relief. When he came out, returning to his
Soccer Van his side windows, all were broken.

Now Thas love got to do wid it !
I saw it wid my lil peepers.

Those Chrysler’s sure have weak windows ! He's trying to tape plastic
over them with duct tape. Is a Red Green type of 6' 4" guy.

Said, “he saw it on Red Green. Is it legal?” I just said look out for Bee’s !

 

Watch it on X, Ya got 1 second over and over again!

 

Saturday morning I got up early,
put on my long johns, dressed quietly,
made my lunch, grabbed my shotgun and the dog,
slipped quietly into the garage to load the truck, and
proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.

There was snow mixed with the rain, and
the wind was blowing 50 mph.

I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and
discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day.

I went back into the house, & quietly undressed.
No I am not a *****!

 

Charlie M. gets home drunk, surely wasted & falls into bed.
He soon gets smacked in his head. His wife screaming
at him. Blurring tears in his eyes & double vision the least of
his troubles he hears his wife yell,
"Charlie, you SOB, wake up!! You've pissed in our sheets!"

You know if you can't remember your last Beer Fart you really need to drink beers more often !


Saw an interesting input on "2FAC3EDBOOK " ____ gremlins are offering rebates for marketing ideas !

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