This was a good read lol, points from real people vs random web searches and articles via google. Post #24 is good to know too haha. FTE will always be the best forum

 

Dammit---have awakened the necro-thread monster!

Now being honest it did occur to me looking back to the very early days of FTE and maybe dig up a remotely relative thread from years and years ago---might be fun to poke that bear maybe?! Then again I don't wanna clog the fine forum up just for a laugh. 'Twould be fun kinda sorta................

 

Some people simply tried all the relationship / dating websites, and they use them, why not. I know at least one great web resource, which allows you to make a date ( here: https://www.datemyage.com/dating-an-older-man/ ), with older people. It's really great that some developers care about such age categories.

 

Not sure your meaning or question there but I would say a resounding yes that today a lot of relationships of all kinds are initially formed on-line. When I first got online the dating or introduction sites were rare and not full of as much BS as they became to be a few years later. Back then it was somewhat easier to know or guess how or what someone was seeking whether it was a casual short-term hook up or something more towards establishing a traditional relationship.

Over the years I participated in those sites it was easy to see or "detect" those who'd be train wrecks in real life. Its been a good 8 years or so since I've participated, have established a great relationship with a gal who'd seen me playing in a band one night, tracked me down through the Plenty of Fish site and we met up a few days later.

Today with the invasion of creeps (both sexes) and scams its far more difficult to weed the problems out but as it has been for 100 years or so we have no idea how we will or will not get along until actually meeting in person, interacting and seeing them more in how they generally conduct themselves. We're still asking the question: "Is this someone I'd introduce to my family or friends?"

 

I know what you mean. I hate it when I find out that the girl is only using me for my body.

 

Yeah I pretended to hate that as well--even today my handsy girlfriend just won't take no for an answer.

Oh well----some people have it more difficult I'm sure.

 

Really poor kids, like from my neighborhood, practiced running from the police. As a poor kid who grew up in Chinatown, we didn't learn Karate from a strip mall McDojo. We fought on the streets. Sometimes as an adult, who now has taken a step sideways from the cycle of poverty and crime, I forget how fortunate I am.

As I indulge in the world streaming media and watching free videos on YouTube, I have to remind myself that I never stepped foot into a movie theater until I was in my 20's. Why? Lack of discretionary income. My parents just didn't have the extra money to hand me a twenty, back when wages were $1.25 an hour. I had to work my way through school, and money was tight. I didn't have health insurance to cover the cost of Quaaludes. I was a full grown adult, with hair on my face, when a girl took me to see a film.

It wasn't even a new movie. It was an old movie. The kind that plays at those art house theaters. The kind of place that serves beer & wine. She liked to complain and nag about how I only rented video cassettes, and that I never took her to the movies. I made excuses that didn't hold water. I was scared of being groped by strangers. I was afraid of the dark. I didn't trust the "butter flavoring". The floors were dirty. She finally said, "next Friday, we're going, I'll pay, and they even have beer". She knew me too well. I should have married her. She knew that I was cheap, and an alcoholic.

We saw Al Pacino in Cruising.

I was more into classics, romantic comedies, like The Karate Kid. I was speechless. I didn't know what to think. The whole experience was surreal. Was it a murder mystery? Was it a cop film? Was it a love story? Was it action and adventure? Then I felt oddly uneasy. I knew, that as the lights came on after the closing credits, people would be staring at me. Back then, I still rode a bike as my "daily driver". I was wearing the same type of black leather jacket. leg armor, and boots as all of those guys in the movie.

 

Cool chick to take YOU to the movies----she might have been a keeper? Ahhh sometimes we look back and think what might have been.......!

Your cashless story reminds me of my middle school days when I first "hit the streets" developing a social life outside my family home, neighborhood and school. I would get $1.50 a week (ONE dollar and FIFTY cents) for lunch at school, I'd save that all week and use it for weekend entertainment. Most of my friends would walk everywhere or splurge $0.26 on a round trip bus ride somewhere---our big hang out was downtown Columbus, Ohio as it was THE shopping mecca for most of the city. Easy bus access from all parts of the city, block after block of retail businesses to visit and window shop. On occasion we'd have money for new clothes and could buy what we wanted, was allowed to make our own choices without parental supervision.

With maybe $0.75 left over from lunch money Sunday found most of us at a very popular dance hall that ran from noon to 5pm or so---lots of local bands would play one after another. As I look back I'm still amazed how far we'd walk going somewhere, how little money it took to have fun. I can't sit in front of my computer and spend that little amount these days.

 

Ah, summer and bike rides across town as a kid. What great memories. Was always over 100 degrees, but can't recall the heat...and I don't recall having water, a hat, sunscreen, helmet, the list goes on.

 

After being married to the same wonderful woman since 1977 I would be petrified to death if I were to have to start dating again. Not only would I be totally socially retarded and a bumbling mess, but I would be scared s#$*less the potential new squeeze would have some incredibly heinous or ridiculous baggage. I guess I've watched too much Investigative Discovery shows, but that's a position I wouldn't want to be in. I think I prefer to keep the status-quo. Plus, it's just nicer, and cheaper, this way.

 

Without a doubt were more hardy than the kid's we're raising these days. You only got a trophy for doing something, if you didn't like that you worked harder to achieve success.

You're completely justified being scared of dating today----its been a few years since I did that in earnest, was never really seeking anything like a wife or "serious" relationship though. Because I think slightly outside the box it was a bit more difficult to find someone on the same wave length as myself. I didn't mind the expense because I was having tons of fun so that part wasn't an issue for me at all.

The dating pools do tend to be swamps of emotional baggage not to mention ex-boyfriends who were or could be problematic. Add in potential for step kids and there ain't a scary movie ever made to rival that fear.

On that note...........what follows is a contribution made before 2013, courtesy of a very wise single guy who laid it out plain and simple about pitfalls of dating single moms-----they were VERY plentiful during the first years of the 2000's. This post was widely criticized by the single mom's, roundly celebrated by single men trying to date them:Single Moms

Ok....here comes my big speech.....It's going to be very blunt. I'm a guy who has no kids, but was in a relationship for six years to a woman who had two boys from her prior marriage, that I helped raise. In most ways, it was the best experience I ever had. In some ways, it was the most painful. Someday...there WILL be a book.

If this man has 'no problem' with the kids...... you're at least one step ahead, because most guys (particularly those without kids) will rarely step into this scenario long term. (basically.....you got REALLY LUCKY...and you don't know HOW lucky...) There are SOME. But there are very specific reasons most men will not tell you as to why they would rather eat belly lint for the rest of their lives than to raise somebody else's kids.....

Are you looking to be with this man long term? What about he toward you?

If you ARE....then I am going to first recommend you get a few books by a man named John Rosemond. He is a family counselor. He particularly deals with scenarios involving 'blended families'. You can google for more information...... He has a lot to say. He is rather old school. But I recommend it to any single mother who is trying to find a GOOD MAN who is willing to stay the course in this endeavor.

Here is the most important thing you are going to have to consider. And often times, this upsets women...(not that I care....the truth is often a bitter pill for some..)..but if you are going to want to have SUCCESS in this, then it's going to have to be addressed.

FIRST.................. If this man is willing to take you AND your kids as a package....... then a little gratitude on your end everyday for this actually occurring will solve a lot of problems for you and everybody else involved. Believe it or not.....HE has options too. And he could choose, RIGHT NOW, to NOT GET INVOLVED. Because, as much as mothers would LOVE to think that being a mother is the most 'thankless job in the world'........let me tell you.......being a man to take on kids who are not his own, and love them as if they were everyday...and WILLING to be there for the homework, the raising, the school functions and whatever comes his way.............is even MORE thankless......Particularly from a thankless woman.

Too many women make the mistake of having a 'self entitled' attitude about this, thinking that the man should somehow feel 'priveledged' to have those little darlings and this added responsibility in his life.....yet complain that they can't find one..often actually blaming the MEN for somehow being 'shallow'..never really knowing the REAL reason men hide from this stuff...and the reason is very simple. They come in the phrases:

"My children come first"..........."My children are my world"

While these phrases SOUND very noble, and are considered to be the mark of a good mother (and they are to a certain degree).....they are literally the KISS OF DEATH for most women in actually finding a good man to take 'the package deal'..........

Why??

It's really simple.......The original idea was for Adam and Eve to be the couple......NOT Eve and her kids -then somewhere down the line, Adam can come next when you feel like it after the hectic schedule..........

If you're going to pull this off with this man, or any man who comes along later, you're going to have to 'get back to basics'. Failure to do so will have you winding up in the garbage heap of countless 'why won't a man date a woman with kids' posts that have collected dust in here...... And there are plenty.

Adopting this philosophy....along with some 'gratitude' for somebody WILLING to actually do this in your life, will work some wonders. Any man who is willing to take on 'the package deal'.....ultimately wants ONE thing only......'to be included in the package....as the package should be'.....NOT independent OF the package. HE is the one who actually risks loosing MORE than you ever could if he gets involved long term, and the relationship somehow fail, because......BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER. And while your kids may have YOU if the relationship doesn't work out....HE will not, if he bonds with them...and they bond to him. He's just discarded---because, well....he's not blood.....and they have YOU... You really need to sit and think about this, and really put yourself in HIS shoes. And your KIDS shoes. This is NOT 'child's play....it's serious stuff.

So if you really want a man to love you and your kids........you might want to consider really LOVING this man for doing this......He WILL deserve it....they do not just fall out of the sky every day. The real question has never been 'will men do this'? The REAL question has always been..........'what's it worth to the woman for the man TO do this'...

Of course, you could always adopt the "I don't need a man around.....a MOTHER is all my kids need" philosophy as so many angry single mothers do, thinking that they somehow CAN give certain things that only a father (or stepfather) was DESIGNED to give kids. And you can become your children's 'BEST FRIEND'.....or even surrogate mate. What the hell....single mothers do it every day. right?? And just look how WONDERFUL some of those are turning out......

All that was true in the '00's, just as true now with a few new wrinkles now too.

 

Everyone is in the same boat.