Hey everyone, i met this girl about a year ago who lives in michigan, kinda through my church. Well I live in virginia. I saw her in october and then again this weekend. We hung out a lot this weekend. Back in december i told her that i loved her sooo much and that i am depressed all the time. Well then about in july i explained that i dont love love her. This was over the phone/computer. But now being back home from seeing her its like i dont want to live, i havent told her that i am in love with her and wont. I dont want her to know that. I jsut dont kno what to say to her. I am pretty sure that she thinks that im still in love with her. I think im going to tell her that i dont love her and that i jsut wanna talk as friends. so thats what im gunna say probably. im not sure if any of this made since im just really sad and unhappy. any advice asldkfjasl;dkfja;sldf

 

man I went thru a time like that when I was younger...my first "serious" girl friend. we started dating when I was a junior in High school. She was a year ahead of me. I thought she was "the one". we spent time together any chance we could get...I alienated my friends and family just to spend as much time with her as I could. we set all of our college classes together so we could take classes together and everything. then it happened. my 2nd year into college, she told me that she might have this "thing" for her boss...we broke up...and I was devistated. I remember not wanting to do anything...I spent a lot of time in my bed...didn't want to be around people, didn't eat much...started losing weight... my friends (thank goodness they were good ones) kept after me to get out.....my mom was worried sick and kept trying to get me to get involved in different things to help get my mind off her.....to date it was one of the most painful experiences I have ever been thru...looking back, I would definately say that I went thru a stage of depression. the best thing that happened to help me get thru it was hanging out with my friends, getting out and about, going to the movies, going to games. That summer....I spent more time with my friends than before, did better at work than I ever had.

if she knows that you might still have a thing for her...stay away from her if you don't want to be involved.... hanging around when you care so much doesn't help at all. You never said why you want to stay away from her, but I suspect its because of the distance thing. If that's the case, make it a point to keep away from her, don't call , don't email, don't answer or read hers. the longer you try to hang on as "just friends", the longer it will take for you to get over her. Just tell straight...."I need some time...." after you get over her, if you think you can handle the friend thing, maybe you can talk then. Lean on your friends and family, get out, get involved and DON"T DWELL!

 

Sorry to hear that things aren't exactly working out. I think we've all been there before. Long Distance relationships are pretty hard to maintain, especially since you rarely see eachother.

I've been depressed over breaking up with girlfriends in the past - especially if you're on the receiving end of the breakup. I was engaged a few years ago to someone I thought was "the one". A few months after the engagement, whammo! It was over. Back then I could hardly function. I never felt so empty, lonely or depressed. It took alot to get up out of bed, go to work, eat, sleep, and enjoy life. I found the best way was to become busy in your friends, family, work, church, your FORD TRUCK, anything! Sooner or later you might even come across a great girl while enjoying an activity that makes you wonder what you were doing with the last!

On the flip side, who knows.. that person might realize what a great person you are and might come back. It happened to me - 4 years after a great relationship ended (I was on the receiving end of that breakup in 98), she came back to me. We're now engaged and looking at getting married next year or 05'. If that happens to you down the road, then thats great.. it could be meant to be, if not.. then perhaps it wasn't. We're all here for you..

 

Long-distance relationships (N)
(i guess it didnt work, theres suppsed to be a thumbs down sign there)

 

yea im going surfing real early tommorow with a friend. I just hate it how im attached to this girl, it sucks, i hate it.

 

Dude you confused the hell out of me with that post - I can only imagine that the young lady is just as mixed up. Trying to figure out what she's thinking? Forget about it!! Impossible. Just be yourself, be honest when you talk to her and if she doesn't seem as interested as you then don't go over the top, just treat her real well so she can leave her options open regarding you.

If you're feeling depressed try to think what it is that you're not happy about and take a few steps towards changing it. Try not to act depressed around her, that probably wouldn't help much.

Good luck + hang ten tomorrow

 

something similar recently happened to me, i live in illinois and my (ex) gf lived in michigan, we dated for 7 months but were really close to each other for 2 years before that. then she started hangin out with other guys more and eventually liked one of em enough to not have any feelings for me anymore, then she left me. that was about 4 weeks ago. im just starting to forget about her now, i take lots of long drives in my truck to help clear my mind.

 

Wow.
I hate to be the harsh realist, but get a grip. There is way too much going on around you to sweat about a girl that lives 1000 miles away.
I am not sure how old you are, but I am sure there are tons of ladies in Virginia Beach to fall for, especially at the bars and the beaches.
Here's some reality for you: if you don't see this girl again for the rest of your life, you wont be any worse for it. After a year apart, you wont even think about her except when you are intoxicated and feeling sorry for yourself.
Don't set yourself up for a letdown anymore that you already have, bro. It's like chasing a deer that you can't shoot while countless other deer stand around and watch. Aim that rifle at something you can actually kill, my man. And squeeze, don't jerk (the trigger).
BDV

 

Chris

Put your backside toward the monitor, I'm going to be giving you a little kick in the butt.

Now...get out there and Have Some Fun with other people > Quick,

I don't want to have to come done there and lead you around to Meet more girls (women).

Get on with your life, you are way to young to hover where you are

 

Know what your going through. I'm in the same boat right now. Listen to the other guys. Go have fun with your friends, find something to do to keep busy. I don't recomand long drives cause for me usually end up with tickets. And stay away from alcohol, just makes the problem worse and if your like me (really sturborn) you end up doing something that not only risks your life but the lives of everryone around you.
Just try to stay busy and don't think about the problem. I know thats easier said then done, trust me I know. Eventually you forget that there was a problem.

 

I think almost all of us can say we went through just about the same thing. For me, it was 4 years ago my old GF moved, and started dating someone elce. (She moved to the next town over). When she moved I was still young (like 14), but it didn't hit me until later on when I realized that I went though my 4 high school years without a girlfriend. I decited that I not let this happen, and started asking out girls. (I'm the "shy" type) Now I go out with someone at work, and can't be happier.

Time will tell.
Rides in the Ford truck does wonders too

 

Believe me, you are not the only one who does stupid things. You can find others who have been even stupider.
I talked to someone via email for a long time. I was almost a year actually. I felt much like you did, I think. All fantasy, no substance. I sent her a plane ticket to come and visit me. On the day of the trip she cancelled the whole thing. I was really shocked like I've never been.

Oh, and she was married, and going through some "issues" and this was just a escapist outlet. She left him a couple of times and came back to him a couple of times and as far as I know, she is still with him. Still unhappy. Still totally guided by her own extreme selfishness. That's too bad because she was, and still is a highly intelligent and creative person, but it took me years to realize that her attitude towards life was wholly incompatible with mine.

I was too stupid to realize that if she secretely talked to me by email and phone, she will most likely do same thing with me, too.

Good riddance.

Hm, I can write a book on that subject. I was upset much like you, but learned a great deal.

What I have to say to you is, remember this. What a person does always speaks way louder than any token gestures she can make. Forget email, phone calls and letters. That doesn't cost her anything. If she truly wanted to be with you, she would have:

1) found a job / education in your area
2) moved there
3) worked out some other arrangement.

If she doesn't , no sense in trying to turn rocks into gold. It's an exercise in futility and frustraiton and it will only get worse. Just leave her alone, she is not the person for you. The only reason people get involved with people like that is becasue of lolineness, poor self-esteem. Were you parents divorced? Other family problems? Were you denied attention at a vulnerable stage?

I am telling you, you deserve more than that. Don't be easy to get, make her really pay if she wants to be with you, and if not, good riddance factor, most definitely. Chances are, she is playing on 2 or 3 fronts, seeing someone there too and keeping you as a backup or a backup for a backup. In fact, I guarantee you this. That's how they think. Do you want to lick a carpet 2 or 3 others wiped their feet on?

I don't think it is a good idea to get involved with anyone, remotely or locally, without knowing that person for a few years. Then there will be no surprises. Remember, her life and her actions show you the real person. Email doesn't. I am telling you, years from now, you will be dancing with joy that this clown is not in your life.

 

Well She is 17 and I am 19. I realize that there are tons of girls here and i know of tons of girls here. But like i said i dont know why i am so attached to her. She is a junior in highschool and I just gradutated from highschool and am going to a technical school. It just sucks so much. She doesnt see me as a type that she would date, and i realize where shes coming from, i really dont want to date her either because of the distance. Althought i would. Its almost like i wish time could fly by and she could graduate so she would be done with school and able to move. I really just wish i was more involved in her life. I really dont even kno why im posting all of this. But thanks ery 1. latta Ug

 

You sound to me like a young man with a lot of life in front of you. My advise to you is to CHILL OUT! If you win her, if you lose her, the sun will still rise in the morning and new opportunities will present themselves. The seeds of happiness and contentment are between your ears and are fed by your attitude. Life is too short to waste any time on a pity trip.
Dono

 

I won't tell you to get her out of your head - but I will tell you to quit falling off the board into the rocks. At 19, I thought I was in love with someone from out of town and I thought this was going to be it - the one. Next thing I knew I was in Daytona Beach by myself with my 2 jet skis and was having a blast with a group of girls down from Ohio on Spring Break. Then about 3 weeks later I'm in Savannah having a romantic dinner with a girl I met there. And of course she was 'the one' also...

Moral of story - enjoy every moment of life you can. Reality and percentages are against you at this moment. Maybe they won't be in a few years. You don't have to forget about her, but don't blow off the rest of the world and all the fun times that go along with it....

Have lots of fun...