I hope this isn't a repost, been on a local forum here for a while, see how many of these you have experienced.

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted vertical stabilizer which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh sh! #..."

SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

WELDING GLOVES: Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race..

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity. Also used to perform surgery for the rapid removal of un-needed digits.


E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

CRAFTSMAN * x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A very large pry bar that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'DAMMIT!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

 

This is funny!!!

 

Funny but mostly true

 

He forgot Drill….that seemingly harmless tool that whizzes away making holes in metal only to have the bit stop suddenly and prove that you’re not all that highly evolved when you can’t fight the instinct to grab onto things like a chimp, so you try to hold onto the metal and drill at the same time as they continuously attempt to break your wrists and jump free and bust out your teeth….INSTEAD of simply releasing the trigger….evolved my ***.

Then there's the 1/2' drill....that deceptive piece of equipment that makes you think you can hold onto it like a 3/8" drill, but in reality, will break your wrists, spin free, and smack you in the giggleberries faster than you can blink.

 

Memories,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

 

To expand on the Drill entry:

The Hole Hog - This powerful device works very well for cutting 4" holes in the side of a house for installing electrical boxes for outdoor lighting. However, it also reminds us, very quickly, that if you aren't paying attention and that 4" hole saw hits a knot in the wood, blood, bone, and bits of cartilage will be forever embedded into the wall stud next to the hole. It is also important to note that, if you should find your shattered finger(s) embedded into the stud and you are in extreme pain as a result, try not to drop the hole hog as it is quite heavy enough to cause damage to your foot...

Yeah... Memories...

 

lol. great list.

 

that is funny...im still laughing...

 

I've got just-about every one of those. My dad's got a bunch of that last one.

 

my favorite would have to be the dammit tool lol

 

When I used to climb towers, we reffered to the 1/2" Millwaukee drill as the "cartooner" i.e.; how in cartoons you can grab someone by the feet and bounce them side to side, that's what that drill did to all of us at least once!

Thanks Fury!! still laughing!

 

Now that I can breathe again,

Breaker bar-

definition 1- A long steel implement that, as the name implies, allows the application of a large amount of torque before breaking into two makeshift spears upon which the user can impale himself.

definition 2- A tool that is used to break one or more bones when the bolt being loosened snaps and propels the user into the hardest (and usually pointiest) possible surface in the shop.

definition 3- A large silver instrument that, with successful operation or even with one of the above results, results in the flexing of one's muscles in a local pub.

definition 4- A watering hole for truck drivers. Sorry, I couldn't resist!

Another use for vise grips...makeshift window crank that quickly and effectively polishes out all those annoying little ridges on the regulator shaft.

Arbor press- useful when destroying the bearing in a part is simply not enough.

Safety goggles- lenses that, when used in conjunction with power tools, protect you from having to see the injury which is taking place as a result of the goggles fogging up in the first place.

Dead blow hammer- a hammer that will still break fingers, but will do it without that loud clanging sound...you know, so your neighbors don't have to hear you injuring yourself.

Channel locks- a tool whose one useful purpose is changing the channels on your 70s era shop TV when the **** breaks off.

Calipers- Used to measure the length of lacerations before entering the emergency room, thus speeding up the stitching process.

Wire cutters- handy in cutting the wrong wires after incorrectly reading a wiring diagram.

Penetrating oil- good for loosening one's grip on the aerosol can after spraying said oil too hard and hitting oneself in the eye with the splashback.