If I want any chit out of you I will squeeze your friggen head. Me.

 

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

 

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

 

dont eat at mcdonalds after 10pm

 

The fortune you seek is in another cookie. - anonymous

 

"Good judgement comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgement." unk

"Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day." Harry Truman

 

Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.

Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.

Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.

Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.

Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.

Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

You cannot unsay a cruel word.

Every path has a few puddles.

When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

The best sermons are lived, not preached.

Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.

Don 't judge folks by their relatives.

Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

Live a good, honorable life.. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.

Don 't interfere with somethin' that ain't bothering you none.

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a Rain dance.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around..

Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply.
Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
--
Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight,
he'll just kill you.

 

And my favorite :

“I used to be a lifeguard , until some blue kid got me fired “

 

"I believe that forgiving them is God's function. Our job is simply to arrange the
meeting."

General Norman Schwartzkopf

 

Why tell a little lie, if you can get away with telling a huge lie?

Adolf Hitler