In an effort to help outsiders understand the rural Midwesterner's mind, the following list will be handed to each person as they enter the State.

1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four-wheel drive because I need it. Drive yours or get it out of the way.

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get your butt whipped . . . by our women.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13-inch trout you fish for . . . bait.

6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you paid in the airport for one drink.

9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.

10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.

11. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar harvesting combines that we use two weeks a year.

12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks-because they want to. So, . . you're a feminist? Isn't that cute.

14. Yeah, we eat catfish, carp too-and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate 90 goes two ways; interstate 29 goes the other two. Pick one and use it accordingly.

16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.

17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Understand the concept?

18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish.

19. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot . . . his name is "Sir" . . . no matter how old he is.

Now, enjoy your visit :-)

 

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

Yeah Well, he had a son,& his name is "BAMBO"and he's packing heat himself.



Dennis

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"In an effort to help outsiders understand the rural Midwesterner's mind, the following list will be handed to each person as they enter the State."

Here, "State" would refer back to "Midwesterner's". Midwest is not a state, it's a geographic region. Can you explain which state you are talking about? Kansas, Nebraska, Iowa, Oklahoma??????

 

[updated:LAST EDITED ON 21-Nov-02 AT 04:33 PM (EST)]This is almost the identical post about the south a short time back.

 

Don't mean to brag, but this explains my state of S.D., as well as the other neighboring states.

 

I love it! Could use this for my homestate of Arkansas.

 

Spent a couple of years in North Dakota not really scenic, but nice people. I was glad to come home though; it just wasn't my cup of tea.

 

>"In an effort to help outsiders understand the rural
>Midwesterner's mind, the following list will be handed to
>each person as they enter the State."
>
>Here, "State" would refer back to "Midwesterner's". Midwest
>is not a state, it's a geographic region. Can you explain
>which state you are talking about? Kansas, Nebraska, Iowa,
>Oklahoma??????

In a word: YES!

 

>"In an effort to help outsiders understand the rural
>Midwesterner's mind, the following list will be handed to
>each person as they enter the State."
>
>Here, "State" would refer back to "Midwesterner's". Midwest
>is not a state, it's a geographic region. Can you explain
>which state you are talking about? Kansas, Nebraska, Iowa,
>Oklahoma??????


no need to be a smart but. i knew what he meant.

 

14. Yeah, we eat catfish, carp too-and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

Catfish...yes...turtle yes...carp...read the recipe...

Take a nice sized carp, and cut it open, gut it, split out and nail 4 corners of the fish to 2x8. Now put some seasoning on the meat of the fish, and set the fish over a fire until it is cooked. Now for the fun part...

Take the carp off the wood and throw it away. Eat the nails and enjoy...cause they're gonna taste better than the carp.

basstardo
2002 F-250 Lariat, 7.3L PSD, 6 Spd Manual, 4x4 Off Road Package, Line-X Liner, plenty of mods planned, no money to do it yet...

 

Love the list, I live in a midwestern state myself and that sums it up exactly. Well actually we have this big town up north that the rest of the state is trying to disown. It is not a part of the state, but they keep sending their kids to the college in the big town where I live, actually they are twin cities with about 90,000 people. The average town around here has 1500 people tops. You can always tell when the new big city kids are in town for school, they have this stupid look on their face when they see all the farms, corn and wheatfields etc.. And they always complain about the pig smell, what pig smell, I don't smell any pigs, oh well just a midwestern country boy rambling with others of the same. LOL
T. Roberts
UFD Local 1147