i cant believe my boy 11 years old and gets tossed out of school,im so po'ed at him i cant describe. ive taken all his things exept cloths and school stuff and nothing gets to this kid. he dont steel or fight he just wont shut up and do school work. any ideas?

 

In most cases these kids are missing something in their life.

Peer pressure is an unbelievable force.

I suggest:
Go to the library and get the book by Bayard & Bayard called: How to deal with my acting out teenager.

It is quite a conservative by fair view on what to do.

 

hard yet loveing callussed hand , meet young tender a$$.... it worked for me all the way till I was about 15

 

X2 on that one. My dad use to whip our tails . It wont no warning or 1,2,3 or you wait till we get home. It was right then and right there. Hey but it worked and I thank God for dad keeping us straight.

 

May be he's not being mentally stimulated enough in class? and is bored??

 

First be thankful he doesn't fight, do drugs, or other bad behavior.

Next if he is just talking in class and not doing the work maybe he is bored..
Maybe the work is not challenging enough to keep him interested..

Talk to the councilors and have him tested.. He might just need to be in a different class that motivates him...

Also we can't really give a qualified answer to what the problem is, because we don't have all the facts.. Check out a local professional councilor that he can talk to..

I agree with the others a few well placed smacks on the bottom would not hurt..

I found that the problem with taking away things they have is that they always have other items that gets them by.. The kids today have to many game systems, computer, or activities to entertain them.
It isn't like growing up in the 60's and 70's where we had very little and when it was taken away you were lost..

As a final note don't forget he could have gotten tossed for carrying a gun, taking drugs or a host of other things... Just keep things in perspective and talk to him..

Probably just a phase he will out grow..

 

I remember quite a few kids with this problem. It would probably be something good to look into.

 

without digging deeeper and looking at the problme at face value, i agree 100%.

i think lack of challenge and mental stimulous is way under rated as to why many kids act the way they do in class.

i even saw it in the Navy, give some people a challenge and some responsibility, it is amazing how they can go from dirt bag to super sailor in a short period of time.

 

I know this won't be popular with many, but frankly I don't care. (and it's not meant to be directed at Wizzard).

There is no excuse for hitting a kid, unless it's to stop him in the act from doing violence to another...or himself. If a parent resorts to hitting, all it means is he has been way behind the curve, and is not committed to effective parenting, which takes creativity and patience. Grounding, yes; turn him into the family chain gang (chores) if you must; consequences must be stated, severe when needed and adhered to.

IMO, most of today's problems with kids stem from mixed messages from parents and the immediate community. As a parent, one had better practice what one preaches.

Wizzard:
Something is going on here, and before you go too heavy on the kid, spend a lot of time/energy finding out what it is. If he's not listening to you, he's showing signs of feeling alienated, and it may not be anything you've done...you are right to set limits and impose consequences, but too much "tough love" without seeking the cause may increase the feeling of alienation from you.

The right counselor can be gold...and admittedly the wrong one can be manure. It may take some searching. Ultimately it may take a counselor and a change of schools, if the boy has created a "character" he feels he needs to be at school...what everyone expects him to be, and he can't back out of it. If it's caught early enough, this may not have to happen.

Good luck. Eleven is a tough age these days. For kids too. I don't envy you, but I'm pulling for you.

 

what specifically did he get booted from for?

i think that kids get suspended from school for things nowdays that they would never have gotten trouble for even 10 years ago.

my step sister got a 1 day suspension for wearing a shirt that had a stripe on it, it was her 3rd offense for the (what ever time period it was).

i worked with a guy who had his 7? year old booted for a week (maybe not that long) because he "aggressively" took back something that another kid stole from him.

when i was in school you had to basically bring a gun to school or physically assault a teacher to get kicked out.

 

Good points, those.

 

I hate to say this, but do nothing. Maybe that is just his personality. Sounds like me when I was his age.

School bored me so I would just go to be with my friends. Then later on for the girls.

 

Ever here of Military School! Worked most every time I threatend my boy with it.

Although he thinks I was a DI in the marines lol

Really I was just a Grunt!

 

I was raised in the ways of you get one chance to fix things on your own before daddys hand or belt fixes things for you. Unless I talked back to mama or was disrespectful to either of them. Then there was no chance.

Now I know their are people here who don't agree with this and that is fine. I am not directing this towards anyone this is simply what worked for me and my family. I think it worked because it taught me that with bad behavior comes a consequence. My dad never BEAT me. Truth be known their were several that I deserved and didn't get and several more that should have been alot worse.

I didn't always get a spanking though. I remember one time I was about 9 or 10 maybe and I got caught stealing. Instead of a spanking, my parents put me through the good ol guilt trip talk and then my mother had a brain storm. She said " you know, if me or your daddy got caught stealing we would go to jail." I had to sit in my room for the entire weekend , starting on Friday when I got home from school with no tv, radio, telephone, nothing. The only time I got to come out was to go to the bathroom and I got 30 minuites for meals. That was the longest weekend of my life and I have never thought about stealing again.

Another thing that helped me stay out of trouble was at the age of 10 my parents bought me my first guitar. They really encouraged me by listening to me try and play and it was horrible but they always were there to pat me on the back and say it was good. I spent more time playing guitar then anything else and I didn't have time to get in trouble because I was to busy playing.

I guess my suggestion is do what seems right to YOU and stick to it because I am sure their will be folks here and everywhere else that don't agree with your decision or your methods.

 

not that i am at all against spanking, but 11 years is a bit too old in my opinion.

by that age a mental awareness of a person's deeds, presonalities and actions has developed pretty good. the physical pain may be a deterent, but not a solution to the problem (if there really is one) and the kid will just play the game better while still holding the same method of thinking in their head.

i say (if there really is one) because schools have sometimes a real good habit of making things out to be worst then they really are.