mmmmmmmm...................no, i wouldn't say anything, i wouldn't want anyone telling me. its a hard decision, very hard. but i say always keep every hope going for a mairicle, knowing to me would make her lose what power she had left, to succomb i say to what she would think her fate is.

i beleive in the power of the mind, its a great tool, and to live out the rest of life knowing when the end is....it will cast an always gloom on an otherwise sunny day.

that of course is my opinion, you have to chose what you feel you all would really want best.

prayers to you all.

 

Carl, Listen to what lcampbell had to say. You need some counseling and so does she. Her reaction is normal for many people. GET HELP NOW from the professionals before any more time slips away!

 

I concur Carl. Time is critical, and seeking help is wise.

My wife and I were discussing your dilemma, and basically it came down to this: if you discuss it with her and she gets upset or freaks, well, that would've happened whenever she got the news anyway. But discussing it with her will likely open the door to some priceless and meaningful times for her, and you.

According to my wife (a shrink who has a special interest in death, dying, and living fully) most people when faced with the news that they will likely die undergo a remarkable transformation that results in a lot of healing and enrichment of relationships with others, themselves, and their spiritual beliefs.

But it may take time to go through the common reactions (denial (not me), anger (How dare the world do this to me), bargaining (if I can just last till...), depression (I can't face this or burden my family with it), acceptance.

So it may well not not be helpful to deny someone the opportunity to come to terms with their potential death. There are a few people for whom this doesn't work, they are usually those who are emotionally walled off to begin with, or really neurotic on a regular basis. Still, were it me, I'd rather err on the side of facing her with it.

If the worst happens, she'll have had the chance to prepare with eyes wide open. If the new chemo works (dear Lord, hear our prayers), then there's a good chance you all will come out of this with some profound lessons learned, and new understanding of each other.

Talk with the cancer doc again to be sure you know what the straight dope is. Seek out the hospice or similar help to get yourself straight on how to work with her.

Our opinion (from 3k miles away): Honesty and transparency is what is needed regardless of the outcome.

Erik

 

No one can say what would be right for you to do. Like a previous poster stated, we are anonymous aquintinces, we know nothing of each others personality nor do we know each others spouses personalities. My wife for instance, would not want to know, I on the other hand, just have to know everything going on concerning me. I can tell you this though, if you were to choose to tell her, you may just get a surprise and find out that she already knows. Dosent it seem odd that she never brought it up, or asked about what the doctor took you aside for? Like I said, I dont know your wife, its up to you to decide what would be best. I as well as my wife am sending prayers up for you and Nancy everyday. Just remember to stay strong, for yourself, and most importantly for Nancy. Counciling is a great idea, you will need all the support you can get.

 

to all that posted here, God Bless. e1p1, tourqe1st, mil1ion, especially. not that i'm pulling these guys out, but you all gave me insight. the above mentioned just went above & beyond. i addressed my concerns and took all of the advice offered in the replies and approached Nancy accordingly. i think she knows my concern, and i really know her need to not face it. we found a common ground. i shut-up 'till she tells me what she is cofortable with. hospice won't deal w/us as Nancy is getting an experimental chemo. where i live you have to say i give up before hospice comes in. don't ask why, as i dont have a clue. you all are so much a part of our support group, that we can't express our thoughts or thanks for your input. Again guy's ..thanks, and God Bless all of you.
carl

 

Carl, I agree with all the guys that this is a really hard situation with the ultimate decision left to you. My advice would be to be honest, you don't want to have any regrets. I truly believe honesty is the best policy. My prayers are with you and your family, Georgia

 

I'm behind you all the way Carl. Strength brother. Stay in touch.

--Erik