I think that title should get your attention.

What an ugly sonofabitchofaword. I hate my wife. The love I have had has turned to hatred. I mean glaring, mind boggling, visions of death and violence which I have never had before.

My mind is ....what friggen mind? I never thought I could ever have such visions. I never thought I could even think about ever doing the things I've been thinking of. I can't bear the thought of my misery being used to lay the foundation for someone else's happiness.

Lies on top of lies. More deceit than I've ever seen in my life. There is no truth anymore. The truth becomes whatever twisted notion you make of it. Selfish excuses are made to be "reasons".

I'm a mess. I'm the first one to give advice to another in need, especially concerning family issues. I have no advice for my own gut wrenching pain right now. The doctor cannot heal himself, and is no good to anyone else.

I've seen real hell in these past few weeks. I mean real hell. I mean I've been hit by a car while walking across HWY 441, and the car was doing 60 mph and busted me up to the point that I was bed ridden for a month and could'int crap in privacy for two - and that WAS EASY compared to this.

I don't care who thinks what anymore. Not my problem.

It's not everyday that a man finds out that his wife is a weak minded fool. One who is willing and able to be seduced into destroying everyone around her for the benefit of some ahole she's never met. My wife of eleven years.

It all started when I noticed she was deliberately distancing herself from me.
It was unnatural. Like she was forcing herself to be distant. Coercing herself in her own mind that this was right and proper. I thought maybe it was just stress at first. Then no kisses. No dinner. No nothing. Already she had been consuming all her time on the computer for months playing online poker games.

But during the majority of that time she acted normal, so I figured it was no big deal if that offered her some form of "escape" from the everyday stresses - much like this site does for some people here. This woman has been a real pain in my azz.

I tried getting her to talk with me, and everytime I did, she'd become closed. She wanted to dictate any kind of conversation we might have (that is when the computer allowed time for a conversation to begin with). The minute a conversation turned to issues of intimacy between us, she'd immediately change the subject or become "too busy" to talk at all. I told her not to believe in everything she hears from people online, incase that was the situation.

I asked her if I could have permission to view her email. She flat out refused.
I reminded her that she had always had the password to my email account because I never had anything to hide from her. I also reminded her that I had never asked for her for her's, because I always felt she'd let me view it if I ever wanted to anyway - I trusted her. Now I needed to know if that trust had been misplaced.

She blabbed some crap about me never trusting her....lol, this woman was always accusing me! I've NEVER strayed.

I went and downloaded a keylogger. Spying is not my thing. I still don't feel right about invading her privacy, but I had to know. I could sense she was lying to me. I have eleven years invested with this woman. I've spent alot
of money on her.

She drives a car which is titled in both our names - of course I'm the one who's been paying for this friggen hunk of crap she just "had to have." Pestered me every damn day about it. I'm working my butt off in the Florida heat to gain a future for us, and all she's got on that warped little mind of hers is that screw-job car. She accused me several times of lying to her about looking into the friggen loan for it (I'm the only one who could get
the financing from somewhere for it.)

I get her the car, and my thanks?...I'm not allowed to drive it...lol. This woman has damaged two trucks on me! Once by turning into one of those concrete filled iron posts which protect the gas pumps, and the other was an accident she had while trying to beat on-coming traffic to turn into a parking lot.

I have a daughter with this woman. A daughter I love very much and would die for. Knowing of my daughter's total dependency upon me, is what gave me my strength to do whatever I had to do. Food, clothes, spending money, a roof over her head and a room to call her own, entertainment, education, future plans, like her first car, college, etc, in short, everything in her life depended upon me working to be able to provide it for her.

This knowledge gave me the strength to complete the toughest jobs, the ones no one else wanted. It enabled me to work in ANY kind of inclement weather - snow storms, ice storms, freezing rain, high winds, stifling heat, rain - you name it. I simply did what had to be done.

My wife whined all the time about taking a smoke break in the Florida heat....lol. Now she's whining about going out to start her car in 24 degree mornings with ice storms while taking the kids to school....lol.

I'VE WORKED OUTSIDE ALL DAY LONG - IN BOTH EXTREMES - SOMETIMES WHILE SLEEPING IN MY TRUCK AT NIGHT. THERE'S NO WAY THIS PREPPY LITTLE PIMPLE SHE WANTS TO BE WITH, COULD POSSIBLY DO THAT.

Weak people.

At this point, considering everything that had happened and the attitude she was taking with me, I felt my right to know what was going on within my relationship, simply superceded her right to individual privacy - and the
fact is, she had'int been an individual for eleven years anyway.

The keylogger recorded every key stroke from the computer. So it only records one side of a conversation, it's also good for getting email passwords. The program I used also took screen shots so I would have
an idea of who was talking to her, and what he was saying as well.

What I found completely floored me. Not only did I confirm my suspicions about the possibility of infidelity, I found that I did not know the POS I devoted my life to at all. She was confiding everything in this guy she's
never met. Telling him everything about me. My family. Everything about
our kids. Our daily lives and our routine. Our bills, our loans, everything.

She confided in him, every single conversation I had with her. Conversations which were supposed to be private. What was the point in talking privately here, if she was going to blab it all to some sweet talking stranger anyway?
I have no doubt that this man could use social engineering to get every bit of personal information on me that he wanted from her - social security number, email address, the password, date of birth, pictures, you name it.

She was telling him of her devotion to him. Her love for him. Assuring him there was none for me. She reminded him of her loyalty. She stated her
belief in him. Her faith in him. Thanked him profusely for being a
"true friend" who was always there for her when she needed him.

In short, he was hearing all the things I had longed to hear,..for a long time.

God knows how much he knows about me already? And I felt like I was invading her privacy? Someone explain this to me please....

This guy has seduced her to the point that she is not thinking for herself.
I know this sounds like denial, but I've seen the way he talks. I've seen his mode of operation. The cues he uses. The psychological trickery. She is being led. She totally believes that she is making a conscious decision,
but has no idea of what a subliminal message is.

He has distorted her mind, to the point that for her, happiness equals him.
If he is happy, then she is happy. He's got to be either a doctor, or some kind of psychological therapist. Someone with at least some kind of degree
in psychology.

He must've seen it from a mile away. This con artist knew something I had'int realised in eleven years - she's a weak minded fool. Easily led. She is in Michigan now. Staying with her mother. She has our daughter there, they both probably sleep on living room furniture, I don't know, as she gives me very little detail. I'm almost not even allowed to call just to say hello to my kid, and to see if there is any semblence of reality left in my wifes head.

These people never even called for Jess's birthday. They never call. But suddenly they were calling an awful lot, and the one sister even left a message on my cell phone, "Hey J****, I'm just calling to see whats up,
and to see what your doing." She is waiting on him now, even as I
type this. He's still in Canada, and apparantely still has a life of his own.

Mind you, this guy has'int invested a single dime in her. I'm the one who bought her the friggen car she just had to have - he sent a bunch of jokes.
I'm the one who took our daughter to different places to do things, she would'int go. I'm the one who sits with my kid to tutor her in reading -
while he criticises my parenting ability.

I break my butt to keep bills paid and a prospect of a future for us, he sends messages of hopes and dreams, and refers to people like me as "the walking dead." "Those of us who aren't enlightened enough to live life for today."
Should I stay home from work to smell roses? Come home early to watch
the sun go down?

 

I'm the one who gives everything I've got. I do things I don't want to do.
Thing's other people simply won't do. I do all I can to put her on top of the world, yet he's convinced her I'm the one keeping her down.

I do all that is humanly and reasonably possible to show that my affection for her is based upon a solid friendship. One we had established years ago. Friends don't pressure others for sex - especially during stressful times in their lives. Friends don't lay conditions for friendship. They don't try to consume your every waking moment for their own attentions. They don't prevent you from growing in other ways just to be there for them.

Friends will go to the ends of the earth for you. They give you your space so you can grow on your own as well as within the relationship. Friends realise that they can't expect any relationship to stay as steamy and passionate as it was when it started out - relationships change. Children and other responsibilities are an ongoing factor in this.

Friends know that the relationship will work because, before they were lovers, before they were husband and wife, they were true friends. Best friends. This is what led to the rest. They live for you, and if need be,
they will die for you.

He's convinced her I'm the enemy. His, is her only true friendship. It is he, who has always been there for her. She is not responsible for any of her problems in life. She has hope - if only she follows her dreams. Dreams
he's convinced her are attainable.

I tell her she can do anything she wants to do, if she willing to work hard enough to achieve her goals. He tells her she already would have - if it werent for other people in her life who are holding her down. He's made it attractive for her to put the blame on others for her feeling of inadequecy. She feels he "understands" her. He certainly does.

I try to motivate her toward working harder to achieve success. He facilitates her procrastination and lack of ambition, by removing responsibility from her - onto me.

I'm made the scapegoat for all the stress she's been feeling. By causing her to blame everything on me, he's given her a full pardon from her own decisions. Who else is there to blame? Not our daughter - he dare not go there with her. Our son? What influence could he have had - he's only 20 years old now?

Nothing draws two people closer together than having a common enemy.
This is sad, but it's true. "My enemy's enemy, is my friend." Being he his playing for the attentions of my spouse, we're natural enemies.

Step one; Convince her he is only a friend. Friends are there for you to lend an ear. Someone to talk to and vent frustrations with.

Step two; Reinforce this "friendship" using covert seduction. Give an ecard - "From a friend to a friend, best wishes", etc. Tell jokes, make them laugh - they associate feeling good with the people who make them laugh.

Step three; Give assurances that they can achieve whatever they want. When they protest the reality of becoming the first woman president, reply to them "If you really don't believe it, then it really is impossible", etc. Keep messages positive.

Step four; When the reality of their situation comes face to face with the BS they are being fed, and they want to know why, suggest that it might be their surroundings. Suggest that perhaps other people are the reason,etc, the point is to remove responsibility from the target - almost no one objects
when they hear the words "Well it's not really your fault."

Step five; When target seems upset, state "Mind if I ask whats wrong tonight? ""I'm worried about you, are you OK?" "I'm always here for you
as a friend you know that." At every given opportunity, agree with the
target person you want to influence. No matter who she was arguing with,
or what it was about - agree. Nothing gives someone satisfaction as much as being able to say to themselves "I knew it." Your re-inforcing their belief of infallibility. Your confirming their suspicions. They love to hear it and will love you for it.

Step six; When you have enough information on your enemy, make a casual statement, "As a friend who truely understands you, I feel so badly for your situation." Naturally the next question is "What situation." "Well it seems to me you deserve so much more." "I've been hurt by people who tried to hold me down, to keep me from realising what a great person I can be, it would hurt me to see you go through that - your such a beautiful person (name)."

Using a name increases intimacy. Increase passion by using comments like, "He dosent understand you, I've only known you for like what, two months?, and already I feel like we've made a great connection, you know?"
The question at the end of the last statement will automatically invoke a subconsious "yes" response (As in "yes I know")

Step seven; Continue the "friend" angle. Always want nothing more. This increases your value to her. Her passions will go through the roof. Your so remarkable. Such a rare find. You understand her on every level...lol.
You are perfect in every sense. The "chemistry" is perfect. And you've
done everything with the noblest of intentions - "friendship".

She will do anything to be your girlfriend - including leaving her husband and son behind, abducting their daughter while he's at work, and moving to Michigan to wait on you in your own good time. Your the man.


You you what hurt me most in all this? The fact that the manipulations of a man living 3000 miles away could have a greater impact upon her than the blood and sweat she sees me give everyday. The love and assurances I pour upon her. Lets see all the good that has come of this "friendship."

1.)For me the worst thing about this is the betrayal he set in her heart.

2.)He's caused the one person I trusted to put me first, to be seduced into putting me last.

3.) His mind tricks have caused the one person in this whole world, who I thought would love me forever, to deliberately hurt me more than anyone else in this world ever has. Because she has access to me like no one in this world ever has had - or will have.

4.) He used friggen psychology, to cause the only person I have ever truly loved in my life, to "chose" to love him instead.

5.)He seduced the one person I have wanted to spend time with, talk to, have fun with, make love to, and work toward a future for, to "chose" instead to do those things with him.

6.) He's taught my baby, the only person that I have ever devoted my life and love to, to not value this gift from me.

7.) He's played with her emotions to the point, that inspite of my history of making sacrifices and difficult decisions to benefit her, she chose to take the easy way out and look for what she "wanted" outside of our relationship.

8.) He caused the person I love, and have been warm, friendly, open, honest and trusting with , to lie, to use this love against me and to become cold, unfriendly, closed and heartless - for his own twisted benefit, not her's regardless of what she may think she knows.

9.) He's caused the one person I trusted MOST with our kids, to lie to them, break promises to them, manipulate them, and to ultimately risk the happiness and stable futures of her own children.

10.) Where she used to be a giver, he made her a taker - like himself.

11.)He's caused her to care so little for the feelings of my mother who would be so hurt to know what the woman she sees as her own daughter is really doing to me, while I work so hard now to protect her from this knowledge because I love her and value her more than she seems to.

12.) I'm furious, because while I worked hard to keep our relationship alive, to keep my love for her alive, he caused her to resist all these efforts, to hold grudges in your heart now, and he effectively killed all feeling, love and consideration for me with his manipulations.

13.) He caused the person who should have been my partner, close support and helper, my one ally against the world, to actually secretly work against me, to conspire with him, to become my unknown enemy and the opposite
of what she had promised to be.

14.)His seduction caused my wife to have greater loyalty and love for him, to be more willing to be open and communicative with him, more passionate with him, to want to have fun with him, to go out with him, and to share his interests as if they are better than mine. All lies.

15.) I hate that he has created a twisted set of values in her, which makes her now believe that to kiss me would be disloyal and a betrayal of him, yet she never thought of this when he seduced her for the first time because he manipulated her with her barriers down. This guy knows that if he was'int a "friend", she would be more aware of what he was doing, and she would remind herself of our pledge to one another.

16.) I hate that I feel I am betraying her now in having any doubt if we can reconcile, in doubting if I truly want to risk my heart with this woman again. This man has destroyed my trust.

17.) I hate that despite everything he's caused her to do for his own selfish ends, I just can't kill the deep love, caring and desire for this woman that I still feel to my very core and that no matter how hard I try I cannot deny.

18.) I know that my only real choice is to try with all my very soul to make this work, to try harder, to continue to give knowledge, and care and love knowing that I risk being hurt again. Even by her family, who he's caused
her to lie to as well.

 

I am a mixture of deep love and intense hatred. I love my daughter dearly and I will not let her simply go. I love my wife, there is no point denying.
I hate this man. I never knew hate could be this strong, even stronger
than love it seems. So much, that if my wife were to die in an accident,
my grief would be more than compensated with immense joy, so long as
I knew he died with her - and so long as my daughter was'int there.

Ugly words. This^ is what their "love" has done to me. A "love" based upon lying to, deceiving, manipulating, and humiliating everyone around her. He's lost nothing. I do not want my daughter around this scum. Pardon my lack of faith in his "good intentions". I don't know how all of this will play out in the end.

I do know that if he ever ends up around her, and if I get even the slightest inclination that he is playing mindfrig with her, like she forgets things we've done, or suddenly remember things which have never happened, I will have to re-wire his circuitry myself. The man won't be able to co-ordinate a decent crap by himself, let alone be able feed anyone another line of **** again.

Wish me luck, and say some prayers for me please. I really need them.

You people are the only online "friends" I've ever had. And I mean that in a best possible way.

Frank.

 

you will when this thread is being read in court,

My advice, Divorce her

 

Print out the emails. go to the lawyer. and divorce her. There is nothing to be gained by doing anything else. You don't want your daughter to visit you in jail.

 

run and don't look back. try not to make the divorce look like the kid(s) fault,or drag them into it in any way,and make them understand you will be there for them. Unless you do the unthinkable before or during the divorce proceedings,you will have visitation rights,and use this time to show your kids the real you,not the you they are being forced to believe you are. I also tried making my marraige work for over a year before I had to burn the bridges and give up hope of her ever getting her head straight. I am not a big fan of divorce,but there is a time when there is no other options that are legal. I have been divorced for 5 years,3 kids under 10 years old. Do you know where those kids come to when they have a question about life,simple or complicated? ME!! because they know they can trust I will tell them the truth. this pisses the ex off to no end,but I look at it this way: she brought it on herself,I would not stay in a relationship I couldn't trust the person I was with. Just keep your head up,and don't do anything stupid that will end up with you in jail,no woman is worth going to jail for!!

 

One thing not many people realize is that people tend to dwell, unnecessarily, on the negatives, making themselves and everyone around them miserable.

Forget about it; if it's over, it's over. Dwelling on the bad things that are happening now does nobody any good and may end up actually causing someone harm.

One of the biggest forms of love is letting go, letting someone be happy, even if it means not being with you.

No matter what is happening now, you will always have memories of being together that will bring a smile to your face. There is absolutely no reason you can't think of those things when you are feeling bad about what is happening. Think about those things when you are feeling angry or vengeful and you will get over it quicker. Dwelling on something that is inevitable will only hold you back from moving on and in the end does not do anyone any good.

 

First and foremost....be right with yourself. Seek strength in others. Seek out those who can help you...look you in the eye and ask you what they can do to help. You are not alone. Don't try to resolve this most traumatic time in your life alone.

God Speed.

 

A couple of my best friends are going through this right now including their women taking the kids and leaving state. Its an absolutely BS situation.
All I can say is let go of the bad things those will eat you up inside. You need to just concentrate on doing the right things for your daughter, that includes not doing anything stupid.
The stuff your wife has done will come back to her eventually, bad things have a way of always catching up to a person.

You are not alone.

 

the very first thing you need to do right now is hire a PI. give him as much info as possible about her, and the guy she is emailing, and let him work. give that info to your lawyer and divorce the bi........er woman. also you need to get the court to take your name off the loan, and the title of the car you have together, and make her completely responsible for that. you need to strat right now a protect yourself, and preserve your assets. the stronger you make your case against her, the better chance you have of not paying her everything you own for years to come.

 

Other than that, how are things going?
Dono

 

I'm single....always been single and will probably always be single, especially after hearing horror stories like these.
A lack of trust is why I think I've never gotten married. It seems as I'm talking to a woman the deceit within most of them is so obvious. Most of them seem to be more concerned about how much money one makes.
One of the first questions they ask is "what do u do for a living"?
Suggesting to me that if you don't make enough money she will just write you off.
I don't know but I think that the liberal screwed up society that we live in is causing people to think and act in a twisted manner.
I don't see marriages making it if the woman is so focused on MONEY.
YOU CAN'T TAKE IT WITH YOU

 

I have to say I admire your courage to admit this

This has to be one of the hardest things a caring person has to deal with.

I blame the denegration of society and talk shows ,since the word "Comittment" seems to be lost in intranslation.

The changing attitudes about "This is BEST for Me" is more evident than ever.

With good reason, who would want to flounder in any relationship.

I firmly believe to get out of something what one puts into it..

She obviously has lost focus on what at one time she comitted to.
I have a couple of friends like that.

They disolved their marriages after 24 & 26 years respectively.

It's a shame that honesty and the refusal to discuss the sitaution is absent in her mind.

All I can say is do what you have to do to protect yourself and be strong in your resolve.

 

Sinister73,

I feel for you and hear every word you said. I had a similar thing happen to me.

I felt the anger, fear, and emptiness that this situation brings. It is like you heart is being ripped out and you want to kill the cause and fight for life. In fact reading your situation brought the pain and anger of my own.

You will go through many thoughts and senario's in your mind, but you need to keep your senses. These things can get out of hand and consume you.

Have you spoken to your wife and let her know you found out everything?
Sometimes when the truth comes out and they can see their lies unfold, it snaps them back to reality.

I know it is to soon to know for sure, but do you still love her and feel you can get over this? Most people who have not gone through it will say "dump her", But it is not that easy. As you stated you invested your life in this woman and family. It is hard to just give it up.

I don't know if you are religious or not, but it is a good place to get some help. Contact your Priest, Rabbi, or whoever you feel comfortable speaking to and let it out.

I would also look at your finances and take steps to guard against her cleaning out the bank accounts. It has happened before. A lawyer could advise you.
If you are paying the bills for internet service you could change it and not give her access. That might stop her contact with him, but it may not.

After you speak with your wife maybe you can get counseling. It will give you a clear picture if the marriage is worth saving and also if she is willing.
I tried everything I could to change my wifes mind and show her how much I still loved her, but during counseling I realized that it was not my fault and she would never change. At that point my main objective was divorce. Remember only you can make the choice.

I want to let you know that no matter what happens you will get through it. Keep the faith..


If you need someone to talk with, you can PM me..

 

Sinister73,

My own life experience leaves me not well suited to advise you as to your current situation, but I do want to share a little something with you.

As I read through the tragedy of your tale I am struck by the eloquence with which you tell it. Your communication skills shine through despite your obvious pain and the oppressive unfairness of it. I find this rather remarkable. The clarity with which you express your thoughts also reveals a notably rational, reasonable mind able to take on the perspectives of others and shows a genuine and innate compassion for them.

I don't know you at all but already to me it seems that you have much to offer a partner. Here's hoping that whatever happens, you wind up with someone who will deserve and appreciate the good in you.