Try to keep your daughter with you. I've been through it, raised my son by myself and it worked out fine.

Forget revenge. Think of the fact that when you are free of this woman your life now has infinite possibilities.

 

Your old lady and mine seem a lot alike. The difference being she is too stupid to handle going online...

All that I have found out about mine has come from face to face conversations, and even the step children do not want to tell me the whole story - though they must have known every bit of it.

Which tells me I owe the stepsons NOTHING. They failed to cover my back, or even tell me the truth.

When you are used enough, and discover it - it is time to make a change.

I FIRED MY WIFE, right out in front of God and everybody, in the driveway one night.

She left within 24 hours, and cleaning up the mess is still going on...

It is much more peaceful with her gone. Life is simpler now, as it was meant to be.

All of the neighbors, and her surviving parent are willing to testify against her.

 

I'd say get a good lawyer fast. And file quickly. Don't know if it's true but a couple of divorced dads here say if they'd known to file before their ex-wives did, they'd have custody.

 

Sinister 73- You awakened memories of emotions I experienced in the breakup of my first marriage, under similar circumstances. People who have not been betrayed in this fashion have no idea of the pain, anger, and stress involved. BUT there ARE plenty of us out here that made it out alive, wounded and wiser. I almost let my anger get the best of me, for I believe revenge can't help but rear it's ugly head in a situation like this. Self-destuctive behavior took the place of revenge, and let me say it wasn't pretty. Blessed I may be, but my family stuck with me, my kids believe in me, and I met and married a wonderful woman who showed me life can be fun again. Be strong, brother. My thoughts are with you.

 

went thru kind of same thing,married 13 yrs,never cheated 2 children,worked hard to pay the morgage(spl)2 cars,and then thru other people I find out she's a party girl,(cant keep her pants on).She used the,Ihave to work late thing on me,what could I do?she was in the bar/resturant buisness,and I worked days and watched the children at night,LONG STORY SHORT>>>Keep a log of everything you do and what she does every day,this is important if you go for the big D.Keep notes,cant stress it enough.I'am remarried 10 yrs now to the right gal,we have yet to have a fight.communication is everything,leave no stone unturned.

 

Like a few of the folks who have replied, I have been where you are....Mine even made a movie of her exploits. There are some interesting stories about where that movie ended up.

Best advice is, as others have said, get a lawyer...quit posting stuff on the internet...get shed of her and move on. I bet you will feel much better once you begin to move on. The relief you will feel is well worth the effort.

 

Tons of people have been in your situation. If you stay it will only get worse. Your health and mental well being doesn't need it or her. You need to cut the emotional string that binds you to her and face the fact if they do it once they will do it again. If not to you then to someone else. Life is to short to be someone else's excuse. I have been run down,mowed over what ever you wanna call it. I took the higher path walked away and left all the hatered behind me. I discovered it isn't the person get delt the raw deals problem it the dealers problem. My ex wanted me back after being with someone for a month. I told her to take a dirt nap. For every negitive thing you do to her or say about her to anyone comes back 10 fold. let her recieve the 10 fold! I would copy all the e-mails as was said earlier and seek out a goog lawyer and let him be the barer or bad tidings to her. Never yell or swear at the other parent in front of the kid. Never say a bad word against the other parent to a kid. It comes back to bite your butt! All you can really do is get a lawyer, file for divorce and be the best dad in the world. Through our childerns eyes do we see the true joys,beauty and wonderment of the world. our prayers are with you to find the inner strenght to be the better person.

 

I came home one day years ago to find my first wife had run away with her hair dresser. She took the kids and left. She sold some of my stuff to give him money. I felt pretty much like you.

I found a way to get my kids back and I raised them. I divorced her and never heard from her again.

You will get past this. She is not worth getting in trouble for. Get a divorce. Go on with your life and do the best you can. It will get easier in time.

 

do as the guys have said print every thing out.get a lawyer. and dump her while going for custody of your daughter on grounds she can't properly care for her while commiting acts of adultery. my prayers go to you .

 

dang........anyways, well, just from the reading, print those emails out and get a lawyer. if she loves you, she will be running back, if you even still want her. if she doesn't love you...well....get on with your life as soon as possible. and those email conversations will come in handy for the custody case.

but i go way back to the first couple of paragraphs about your history with her and already see some sort of problems. the car incident really comes to mind, plus there are probably a million other things you didn't mention. let me tell you, that is not normal behaviour, that should have been the key alert sign for you right away, second, if she is stressed, the only person she should ever be confiding in is you, not "getting her stress out" on the computer, yet another alert sign.

and not saying anything is your fault, but maybe you shouldn't have been caught off guard so much, seems like this has been devolping for some time.

to state the problem...well...impossible from reading, all i can say is good luck to you.

 

My Opinion is ditch the Bit#$! You cant trust her, but I would not settle for anything less than joint custody of your child-Not the childs fault her mom was an easy target.

 

If you haven't already, change the bank accounts and credit cards; get her name off of all of them. Then file for divorce. Check your credit report and check for any accounts in your name that you didn't open; close them immediately and report the fraud/identity theft.

 

Thanks for all the replys guys. I've already taken care of a few things. I changed my email password - big time. Transferred money into different accounts, changed passwords to all my billing information,etc. I'm going to talk to a lawyer tommorrow
to see what my options are regarding my kid and that friggen car. I've printed out the key logs and emails.

I feel 10 days late and a hundred bucks short, God knows what she's given him on me already. I may need a social security number change after all this. I could have her in jail tommorrow if I wanted to. Under Florida law, if one parent leaves the state with a child without the other's consent, they are guilty of felony kidnapping. It does not matter that she is in Michigan now. The Michigan state police would arrest her, take my daughter into custody, and hold them both for extradiction by Florida law enforcement.

I don't want this. I really, really don't want to do this. I'll have to see what the lawyer says regarding my other options. I'm praying this can be made right without getting uglier. He is still in Canada, I know because of email messages she keeps recieving in her inbox. She dos'ent have access to a computer where she's at, and I've checked in from time to time to see whats going on. Using advanced header options I'm able to get full details on the emails and trace them to a computer. He's still in Canada.

This means they havent had sex yet. This means my daughter has'int yet been fully exposed to her father's disgrace. For me, both of these mean that there is still a possibility for reconciliation. The only problem is....she's in Michigan. This guy knew he had to get her away from me, so that he could better work her over - without my interferance.

If she comes back on her own, without meeting this man, and is willing to go through counseling, then there is a chance. If she is arrested and extradicted - there's no chance. I become everything he tells her I am - the enemy.

If she meets with him, and I am getting the heave ho anyway, then I'll simply do what I have to do. An added benefit to this is that my daughter will see for herself why I've done this. No lies will replace what she's seen with her own eyes. It's ashame that kids have to sometimes see the bad in order to recognise the good.

I feel traitorous even speaking this way. I miss them both immensely. I've seen this woman's soul. Looking into her eyes, I could see inside. There was none of this. She was pure. She really was. She's been corrupted. Manipulated. I know this beyond all doubt. This is no case of denial, or wishful thinking on my part.

In eleven years, she had never done anything like this. Never once did she even remotely behave as though I meant anything less to her than the whole world.
She has always played online games. She was never consumed by them.

The changes occured very rapidly. Within the past three months. She never went looking for "friends". She never went to any of those dating sites. She was'int looking to throw her life away and start anew with someone she's never met. He started off as a friend to be able to fully approach her without her putting any emotional barriers up. She never said a word to me because in her mind there was simply nothing to tell -much like if I made buddies with someone on here.

Eventually he bombarded her with up to as many as 40 emails a day. Almost all of them jokes. This is why, I now realise, she was literally consuming all her time on the computer. Eventually he snuck in a few ecards "as a friend". Next came being a close confidant while playing poker, instigating conversation about real life problems - and while still sending ecards and jokes.

There's no way she can be in love. You can't love someone "For all that they are", without first knowing....all that they are! And in this guy's case, he's a manipulating, back stabbing, cheating(he has a wife), lying, middle-aged, coniver - who spends way too much time seducing women on the computer, to be doing much good elsewhere.

He's used proven mind bending tactics to make her truely BELIEVE she is in love. She will eventually wake up from this - especially if she goes so far as living with him, seeing his not-so-romantic side, his very real life insecurities, realises he has'int got all the answers afterall, possible temper tantrums, annoying habits, the fact that the only sunsets he sees are the ones fowarded to his email address, etc.

But at this point it will be too late. I will not take her back if it goes this far - it would not be good for either of us if I did. My humiliation would be complete. My failure to preserve my position in our relationship would be open knowledge. Our only hope in reconciliation is now. But I don't know, her mind may well be beyond my reach. I simply don't know.

 

sinister73 I tried the counseling thing. The counselor had over 20 years experiance. In his own words " By the time a couple seeks counseling. It is already too late!" If she is as how you describe then it in my opinion is too late she is where my ex was. If you do seek counsel with one. My advice is if she takes no blame for her actions or sees no wrong end it right there and then. It will cost you more in the long run on sanity. A leapord can not change it's spots no matter how much we train. Life is to precious to waste on them and to valuable to a child to miss. It takes two to have a relationship. when communication breaks down then it no longer exists! Use the weekness of your heart as a strength to bond with your child. You kid needs you to be the person of higher moral value. They will think it's thier fault, reassure them it is not the case. Prove to them the a dads love is eternal. When you get your daughter back. I have walked through the valley of evil my self and did not want to choose to see the light. A bell of clarity came from an unexpected place. My kids faces. It gave me strenght to over come and not follow evils path. I do not say to this day I do not loath her with every fiber of my being. I refuse to let the kids or her see my true loathing. It has taken time and has brought me to a better place.

 

Hey 73,

Get the idea out of your head that there is any such thing as "her father's disgrace." What is going on here is her MOTHER's disgrace.

The pain that you are going through is disillusionment. You believed in her being "pure" but that may never have been. Having your belief destroyed is what makes it so difficult, seeing as how you built your life on those beliefs. The truth makes you free, and learning the truth about her, no matter how hard, also makes you free.

She is not a victim. If she had any strong core beliefs about her marriage, this couldn't have happened.

Protect yourself, protect your daughter. And good luck with it all.