Bdox drives home my thoughts that the GUY in Canada is not the reason or the problem.

Your wife is over 18 and should have her own brain, which has caused all this.

She has the sole responsibility of handling her own relationships.

It takes two to tango and she has stopped dancing with you.

I would just blame her....not him.

It is what She does or doesn't do that should concern you about your marriage... mostly.

 

been there-done that--get your case together--and tell her goodbye--and ya--id pursue--and have her extradited--case that will give a lot of weight to your case-- shes already done-wouldnt trust her after that for nothing--shed say that--and set you up for a really big letdown--i know--been there stay strong--and build your case--forget about the canada clown--

 

DISGRACE - This is most men's knee-jerk reaction to a wife's infidielity. Not man enough to hold on to her, right? Bull. What guys forget is that all those stereotypes women love to apply to men about untrusworthiness, irresponsibility, no-good pigs? They apply at least equally as well to just as many women. Your only shame is that you do not have divine insight and were mistaken about the trustworthiness of this particular woman. On the contrary - as a reasonable man, you took her at her word when she made her vows and did not indulge in paranoid jealousy when there was no good reason. How many really great guys have come home one day to fnd wife and kids gone? Lots. and it's not because they weren't man enough, nmot because they couldn't satisfy, not because there was anything wrong with them. Too often it's just because she was an untrustworthy, self-centred, immoral POS underneath that veneer.

ANGER & REVENGE - real tough, but forget it. If not for yourself, for your kid. Anything that happens, anything at all, in this intense situation, and you will be susp-ect number one even if you were 1,000 miles away. And what kind of relationship are you going to have with your kid from jail? Or with even the suspicion you did something to mom hanging over your head? Forget it. She's not worth it. The best revenge is living well.

MONEY - ya, good move on the accounts. Get everything possible out of her reach. Or, don't worry, it will disappear. Don't be shy - empty accounts, cancel cards...transfer ownerships..everything.

LAWYER - number one best move. Just watch out - there are good divorce lawyers that will defend your rights effectively, and then there are the sharks that know how to escalate things out of control. They spread dissent where there was none, push extreme strategies that make things worse not better. The worse things get, the more money they make. And youpay twice - in cash and in a ruined life. Choose a divorce lawyer carefully. There's nothing like a good recommendation from someone you know.

KIDS - this is the toughest. Money, you'll forget about. Butyour kid - - - things are going to change. It stinks. Some guys do manage to get their kids, but they're a minority. For most guys, divorce means automatically becoming a visitor in their own kids' lives. You will rail against it, and for good reason, It;s wrong, It stinks. It's the ultimate injustice. But unless you'reone of the lucky ones, it's somethign that you have to learn to live with.
The nature ofyour life is going to change - radically. The nature of your relationship with your kid is going to change. It's gonna hurt. A lot. Some men, it rips them apart and leaves a hollow shell. Fortunately many men find themselves a reason and re-build their lives knowing that life is long and there will be decades of adulthood to share. Number one thing you can do foryour relationship with yor kid - keep in touch as best as possible; let him/her know that you want to be as much of a dad as mom and th system will allow you to be; make yourself a nice life and be happy so that he/she sees a dad who has it all together.

THE GUY - Obviously out of bounds. You get face to face with him, something you're gonna regret is going to happen. Topic for another thread - this kind of excuse for a man is among us, brothers. They're slime, but they think they're "real men". When will men of character start letting this underclass of sleazeballs know they have no place among real men?


This is the beginning of a long road of life rearrangement. Try to take it easy along the way.

 

I caught my ex with her boyfriend. After he got out of the hospital, She moved out with the two kids. I filed for the divorce and while I was working on the papers, a friend of mine said "Tell her you won't fight the divorce and you'll pay all the bills and she can have everything, if she gives you custody of the kids."

I did just that, and she was more than happy to give them to me! 25 years later and the kids and I couldn't be happier!

Tell her the same thing man. Then take the kids and be happy! Best revenge I can think of!

 

Icamball "I caught my ex with her boyfriend. After he got out of the hospital, " now that is funny, is there a story to this?

sinister, heck, she may be running back because you locked her out of the bank account but not to your arms, but she will be running back because of money and security, not love.

she is a grown adult, she is responsible for her actions, even if there was some underlying problem with the marriage, she should have confronted you about it, not sneak around like some animal in the spring time.

to me the trust in the marriage has been destroyed, i don't see how someone can be with their spouse after they so much violated their trust, it seems to me that forever there will be some sort of mistrust, not a way to live a life with someone.

 

about the kids, i am speaking from experience as the kid. if she ends up with custody of them, dont push them, dont force them to be with you. she will brain wash them that you are the devil (my mom did to me and i ignored my dad for a year) then she started to psycho me and one day it hit me WO THIS WOMAN IS CRAZY!!! and i moved out and am now happily living with my dad. today is the first day in about 6 months i have seen my mom and i am trying to build up somewhat of a normal relationship with her but it will NEVER be the same. if your kids are smart they will figure it out, that is when you make your move.

 

Certainly only you can decide, but to me, with the information you provided, reconciliation is not an option. I could not reconcile with someone who saw me as "the enemy." Even before the online relationship started, with you working hard to be a supportive husband and father, all she could do was pester you about a car? RUN from this woman and start a happier life.

 

bf250--Yep story goes like this. I got beat up alot when I was a kid and when I got older, I decided it wouldn't happen anymore, so I joined the Marine Corps. While I was overseas, I took karate, judo, and boxing and started working out hard. I married the ho when I got out of the Corps.
Well, when I caught the ex with her boyfriend, she told him to kick my ****, yelling like a cheerleader and all. He took a swing at me and I kicked him up alongside his head.
He went down and started jerking, and then just went limp. That's the way he was laying when the meatwagon showed up. Kinda like "one kick, one kill."

 

Check into his history, not what he has sent as e-mail to your wife. Something similar happened to my Mom after my Dad passed. She started a pen-pal relationship with a guy in prison, he had her sending gifts and money (she really had none of either) by telling her all the things she wanted to hear. He was promising her all these things when he got out in a few months. Using contacts I put a stop to it after I found out and he was in prision for the 2nd time, first for manslaughter of girlfriend and second for murder of girlfriend. Not eligable for paroll until 2025 or something like that. These guys have nothing to do but perfect their manipulation skills on the unwarry. Know where you stand. A PI (if you can afford one) and a lawyer, wheather you reconcile or not is good advice. Good Luck! (My first one was a cheater also.)

 

Well, I'm over the wench. Life goes on...lol. Man I feel alive again for the first time since this has happened. I won't lie, there are moments when I think about the times we had, and I sometimes feel cheated, but the feelings are much less intense than they used to be. Also, I'm not having visions of their sexual escapades anymore, in fact, I hope he gives her the hottest times she's ever had in her life....lol.

It feels so good to care less, I have my life back again, and it's so empowering to just not give a hoot anymore, I mean really not give a hoot either, as in, not even bothering to let her know that I don't give a hoot.

She's his problem now, they've both made their bed, and now they can lay in it. If the crap ever hits the fan, and I'm sure it will one day, she had better not come calling me, because her life altering, catasatrophic pain, will be good to me only for shets and giggles.

As for my daughter, I hav'ent talked to her in over 6 weeks. I miss her dearly, but I just don't have the means to fight this. Her brother talks to her, and relays messages between us. She misses me dearly, and the more her mother denies her any contact with me, and puts me down, the more resentful she is becoming.

One day, she will leave her manipulative mother in Canada, and join her brother and I here in Florida. That's another part of that bed the ex made for herself.

 

Bingo. Not the dudes fault, he wasn't the one married to you. Hey, I've been divorced...it sucks heartily when your going through it but I had some of the best times of my life after I got divorced and so can you.

 

1) Daughter - Don't know how old she is, but if you can find a way to have some sort of contact, it would be highly recommended. Just to let her know that you're thinking of her, that you'd love to be her father if you could, that you will always be her father. Not for yourself, but so that she doesn't have to suffer from any doubts. Maybe yourson could pass on letters? Or an email address? Kids seem to be able to find ways to chat online with murderers without their guardians knowing, why not their own dad? Some day being able to say that you did what you could within reason to never break the tie with her will be highly valuable.

2) Blaming HIM - gotta disagree with Million here. Men have to be held accountable when they act like sleaze *****. And there's nothing lower, nothing more despicable a man can do than to adulter another man's wife. Men, decent men, have to let these trash know that it excludes them from the cricle of real men, and places them into the heap of human garbage.

 

Too bad you couldn't send the new guy a note "Now matter how hot she looks now, somewhere there's a guy tired of putting up with her crap."

 

See, I just can't agree with that. Granted, I used to think that way but the worlds become less black and white in the last decade. There ARE shades of grey. Now, I would concurr that a guy that specifically goes out to seduce married women is a total sleazeball. But theres plenty of guys out there resisting the advances of married women, then fall for the "but I'm getting a divorce" line and cave into her advances. Its her fault. She's the one who swore a vow before God to enter into marriage, and she's the one making the choice.

Here is an example of how messed up 'some' women can be. I had a married woman after me for YEARS at my work. It got to the point where it was flat out sexual harrasment. She was young and cute but I resisted for a very long time. So this is the line she finally comes at me with "You know, your my fantasy...if you sleep with me my fantasy will be fullfilled and my life can go on. If you don't I'll end up sleeping with any number of men trying to scratch that itch but since they won't be you my fantasy won't be fullfilled and it will just go on and on. But it can start and end with you so in that sense you'd be doing my husband a huge favor by stopping me from sleeping with all those other guys".

True story. Hows that for some messed up reasoning Not long after that they ended up divorced. Big surprise.

SO true. It took me dating a dancer from my Acropolis days to figure that one out, but damn is that adage true! I think theres a correlation between how smoking hot they are and how much of a pita they are. Or maybe none of the smoking hot uber cool girls live in Oregon

 

Wow. I just read this thread for the first time. Wow.

I'm 19, and this is a pretty big eye opener.

Sinister73, good luck with the daughter. Keep in touch with her! She'll know who's in the wrong and who's in the right sooner than later, if she hasn't already figured it out.

Ryan