"I would get depressed if I had to wear something yellow."
LOL.

 

This thread proves what I wrote - the world is full of sadness and depression. I am sometimes surprised how anyone can be happy at all in a world of misery, loss, disappointment. These are constants, always were and always will be. Anything else seems to be an illusion, temporary at best.

I've had my own trials and tribulations. I've had times when I was making several thousand per week and also times where I couldn't afford to fill the gas tank.

I've had times when I felt like my entire life was over. Crash, crash. And it was.
I was and still am dealing with deep, on-going and escalating mental illness. Of a family member that is. Who chooses to be as difficult as possible. There is no resolution. Just acceptance. My family is full of supressed rage and blame. It doesn't get better. Never will. I know that. I accept that.

The only time in my entire life when I saw a person I thought was suitable for me and proposed to her, I was turned down. I've known her for a while and felt like I was kicked out of heaven when the whole thing ended and she went back to her ex. At the time, it was a huge, the biggest disappointment.

Any one of these would be sufficent cause for misery. Which they were.

But,

Ultimately I regret nothing. All that happened made me a better person and as painful as these experiences were, I learned something here and there, changed myself a little bit - and little changes add up to big changes. The people I lost were not good anyway and an obstacle, the things I lost were not worth keeping and opened new doors for me. I think overall, I am happy but I also realize that life is an endless series of problems, crises, painful experiences, disappiontments, people who let you down. Nothing is certain, nothing is predictable, it is an exercise in chaos for the most part.

Failure is normal and acceptable and is OK. Every person is a failure - in something, but conversely, every person is a success in something.

My criticism of the whole take-a-pill culture dominant in our society is that for every issue there is a quick, painless solution. Like an aspirin for a headache. I think it is snake oil and those who endorse it like AMA are charlatans. Headache doesn't happen because of lack of aspirin. Taking a pill is far easier than totally reassing and then rebuilding one's life - which is the solution - but mostly everyone would prefer to do the easy thing, covering up the symptoms - and *still* feeling miserable and still feeling depressed - until the issues get resolved. It is like adding some 99 cent thing into the engine to cover up the leaks / noise instead of rebuilding the motor.

 

Best advice is what my old girlfriend use to tell me-

Don't Worry-Be Happy!

Now that I've solved that problem, let's move on...

 

Carp_diem,
I have read many of your posts and have, seemingly, felt your pain. I can almost see you writhe in pain sometimes and feel I need to say something – if not to you to someone who might be reading this. Since the Pig Pen is closed I cannot give you any words that I would consider of ultimate comfort without opening up a can of worms. However, I can say that I have been in a similar situation that lasted for almost three years. I have been married before and have regretted sharing a lot of the miseries of that time with someone who does not know me personally. The last years of our marriage were like living in a prefabricated hell. I was as close to subtle insanity as I have ever been, accompanied by extreme and complex bouts of depression. It was horrible. The days would all start out with a whisper of hope, but in just a few hours would return to the inevitable road of hatred and regret, hopelessness and despair. I had to do something and I knew (from watching my spouse) that drugs did not, could not, fix it. Nor did counseling, of which I spent a better part of a year’s salary on. But something had to give. I was desperate and she was defeated. I spent a lot of time on my knees, she spent most of hers at the local bars. It was time to do something, so I just heeded the advice given me by my preacher and released it all to God. Please don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to inject anything into the Gen Con that should not be here, it is just my opinion and certainly not a jab. And you may already know all there is to know about fear, doubt, depression and hopelessness, so please don’t take it personal. Just one of those times when I can’t fight the need to reply.

 

You missed the whole point of the responses that you got. Several posters told you that they PERSONALLY had good results taking antidepressants and you just dismissed them. You have your theory about depression that is unmoved by facts, so why did you go through this exercise in the first place?

 

Exactly. Someone is just trying to stir up controversy.

 

never mind - Pig Pen mentality - sorry

 

I have been married before and have regretted sharing a lot of the miseries of that time with someone who does not know me personally. The last years of our marriage were like living in a prefabricated hell. I was as close to subtle insanity as I have ever been, accompanied by extreme and complex bouts of depression. It was horrible. The days would all start out with a whisper of hope, but in just a few hours would return to the inevitable road of hatred and regret, hopelessness and despair.

Yeah, I know exactly what you mean, unfortunately. It is called Borderline Personality Disorder you have been dealing with. The symptoms include behavior alternating between rage and fake kindess and you never know what you are going to get on any given day. People like that destroy your self-esteem.

Eventually I developed my own dysfunctional coping methods with this, which made me unhealthy and did not address the problem. I now reject all of these escapist methods of coping, ranging from pills to Christianity and everything in between like booze, smoking, various OCD's which I am still familiar with. -sigh- God is *not* going to fix anything for you. Maybe, but I no longer waste years hoping and hoping for something which never comes, letting these false hopes replace my own initiative and responsibility. Accomodating difficult people only makes them worse and worse - they even drag you with them into the bottomless abyss of pain. (Yes, I do realize that divine intervention has happened, I just don't believe it is applicable on a daily basis. I think at most, I can get a sense of direction, but only I can follow it - and maybe that's enough)

Minor behavior changes will result in minor circumstancial changes. If you want major changes, you need to change majorly. It is that simple, and that complex.

I've learned a lot. I stopped fixing people. All of my relationships have been based on my relationship with my mother, which means I gravitated towards intelligent but deeply disturbed women. But now, if I detect a relationship which needs "work", I get out ASAP, don't even go in that direction. In fact, I learned much more than that. A person's life should speak for himself and no rhetoric is desired.

So I changed the people I my circle. My values changed. I kicked out the bums and changed the criteria for my friends. Lots of things have changed. I am no longerdepressed by my failures and try to seek something positive in the process.

The world hasn't changed - I have.

As for the medication issue, those who are taking them have what they want, so let them keep it. I, however don't want that. There is nothing wrong with me, it is the world which is the catalyst for pain.