I have been having problems getting along with my parents lately and need some advice. My mom is notorious for saying things, that I get angry/upset about. This has been going on for several months now. I have tried to talk with her about the problem, but thats just it she doesn't see it as a problem. She thinks that I just over react to everything, and can't even see what she has said that has causes troubles. Tonight just took the cake when we went over to visit my grandma (which is her mother-in-law) My dad was there and him and my mom were joking around trying to be funny, but hurt my grandma's feelings and she took off crying. (I had just gotten upset at them before this) After that took place, I sat down with the both of them and said everything I did before, how they don't realize what they are saying and how it effects others. (they thought they were being funny but grandma didn't) I thought to myself, it is terrible that it has to come down to something this bad (them making my grandma cry) before they realize what they are doing and even how their words effect me. And STILL after all of this they still didn't catch on, and couldn't see how it effects me as well. I feel like I have done more than my share and still didn't get through to them, but I don't know where to take it next as I feel I have tried every solution. My aunt has even talked with my mom about other situations and she just blows them all off as nonsense. Sad, but true, I really feel unappreciated around them. It any of you have any suggestions or any words of encouragement to help me feel better, I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks for listening

 

Ranger I am not sure how old you are so my advise will probably be ill-advised. I grew up also in a rough home. While this forum is for ford truck enthusiaists I think it is great that there are people like you out there brave enough to put it out here and see what you get back.

I have found that living my life by a few simple priciples has led me to great happiness. I will try to detail them below.

FIRST - Always take reponsibility for everything that happens to you. Eveything that happens to you may not be you fault, you may not be guilty but taking repsonsibility it always the first step to deal with anything. You can only control those things that you are responsible for. This is not to say you have to "pay the price" for it all but believing you are responsible will open up you mind to new ideas and ways of dealing with chit as it comes. The worst thing you can feel in not in control. Being responsible= being in control of yourself.

SECOND - Know who your friends are and smile at everyone else. It is pointless to debate, argue, or otherwise try to persuade someone that does not repect you. Your friends will and do respect you. Your parents lack of respect around others you can not control. YOu have to be a great person and stand up for yourself sometimes and always for those who can not stand up for themselves.

THIRD - Everything that everyone in life does, including yourself, do so for selfish reasons. THIS IS NOT BAD... ITS HUMAN. When your parents "joke" like that and it hurts others it is usually because they dont feel well about themselves. You cant control that. When we help others we win, we feel good. When we donate our time, money or ideas we do it to feel good about ourselves not to see others succeed but instead to know that it may not have happened with out you.

FORTH - This is close to the first but must be said. NO ONE EVER "MAKES" YOU MAD, HURTS YOUR FEELINGS..ect. You choose these these feelings. You can choose to feel how you wish. Others often do things to provoke feelings from you. I you get mad, cry, or react in a negative way - they win. Screw that be in control of your own life.

<!The last thing I have to say is hypocrytical. I personally am not all that religious, but I have seen it help so many. I have a friend that was really strung out just a few years ago... pills, crack the works. We all thought he was lost. Today he is married and raising his daughters. He reads his bible literally everyday. I myself have not been able to draw much strength from a higher power but for this guy its just amazing how worthwhile and productive he is today and for him God was his answer.>

Like I said I am not sure of your situation or your age but I wish that I had the courage back when I went through similar times that you have now. I am 25 now. You have shown that courage and optimism with your post. Thanks for sharing with us. I hope that things are great for you. Thanks for letting me help.

 

flytripper...for 25 years old...
you are WAY ahead of MOST older people !!!

Well said and to the point...

I'll try to add a little different slant to one of your points...

Our most important asset is hope...
if you do not believe there is a solution and lose hope...
there is little to believe that things will get better...

And let me assure you - things WILL get better !!!
It may not be as fast as WE would like, but eventually you will be able to control your environment...

Be patient, but always be prepared to take advantage of your opportunities...

Tired, trite, and hard to believe sometimes... but education IS your out !
Learn everything you can in school, I told my kids (and the young people I encounter) that if you work a little hard for the next few years, it makes the next 40 years a LOT easier...

Being educated gives you options... one of which is typically better PAY at what you chose to do for work...
Money is not the solution to all your problems, but it makes it easier...

good luck... and find your GOOD freinds !

And one day you may be surprised that your parents ARE your friends !

 

Well said, both of you.

Ranger, edjucation IS the way out of a lot of things. But you must tender a good edjucation with hard work and taking responsibility for your actions, or inactions. The best way to deal with interpersonal relationships is to UNDERSTAND the causes and effects. Edjucation and experience are the two best teachers of this.

Just stay focused on this: Always treat others the way YOU want to be treated.

Think about this; perhaps by pointing out your parents "problems" you compound their feelings of inadequacy. Let them know when they are acting "correctly". Reinforce the good, try and deal quietly with the bad.

Above all hang in there and don't ever lose hope. Control that which you have control over. Don't lose yourself trying to control that which you cannot. Focus on the positive.

Good luck Ranger, you sound like a good kid.

 

For those who wondered, I'm 20 and and getting ready to start my second year at college

Thanks guys for your encouragement, things are going a little better today