So are you saying you're not a hottie?

 

Women are generally no more abused than men are, especially in today's day and age which has basically all but neutered the avg american male. There are some instances of highly abusive husbands to be sure, but the same is true of wives also, abuse can take many forms- it's not always a simple matter of being slapped around by an ignorant or uncaring mate.

Physical abuse is arguably the worst form of abuse, it's certainly the ugliest, and it requires something more than just being selfish
and inconsiderate, it requires a will and effort to do your mate bodily harm. It's disgusting and vile to say the least, and women as a group probably suffer this form of abuse more than men do.

While it may be the worst(most obvious) form of abuse, it's certainly not the only one. Nor in my opinion is it anymore psycologically damaging than other less easy to see forms of abuse. Physical abuse is straight foward and takes the form of
a beating or a systematic frequency of beatings, emotional abuse is attached to physical abuse but also takes many other forms.

How many men and women have cheated on their spouses?
How many do so openly, taunting their spouses with it, and doing everything they can to undermine their spouses position in the relationship? I've known men and women both who have deliberately lied about their spouses to friends(like me) family, co-workers, and just about anyone else who'll listen to them in an effort to black ball their spouse or to make themselves look good.

I've known more than a few guys who have allowed themselves
to be undermined in relationships, they've tolerated the cheating, the lying, and back stabbing in an effort to keep it together for themselves and for their kids. These same men were afraid of divorcing their abusive wives because they knew,as we all know, the courts are slanted in favor of women when it comes to divorce, these guys did'int want to lose their kids, as well as everything they've worked for, the thought of losing so much time in a relationship just to have your other turn on you in a dime for no apparant reason and with no warning. Since the courts do not recognise cheating as a form of abuse,their husbands would not have much to use against them anyway.
I think it's lame how many women get away with alot based on stereotypes present and acceptable in todays society. If a wife
consented to her husband of more than 15 years having sex with her, and then at the height of his arousal changed her mind about it, but he kept going a minute longer to get off, he's liable to be charged with rape if she pushes the issue, society would condemn the man who "raped his own wife", but it's perfectly legal and acceptable for her to go home with a co-worker for an evening of hot sex while he waits for her with the kids...afterall it's her body.

Getting back to the stereotype thing, what would happen if a woman in the above mentioned scenario simply broke down from the experience, she sobs hopelessly when she realizes that her control over him is not as complete as she had led herself to believe, and in this condition she goes to the local police department to file charges on the *******, what do you think will happen to him?? Naturally most of the officers present will be men, who will by nature be geniunely moved by this misleading show they are receiving from this woman, and soon the beligerant husband will have the SWAT team beating his door down.

Reverse the scenario above by making the man the victim, and everyone gets a good laugh.
In the cheating game neither men nor women can blame the condition as a whole on flawed characteristics of the opposite sex, since it obviously (unless their spouse is homosexual) takes
an equally selfish member of their own sex to make an affair happen. A man or woman who helps somone else's spouse to cheat on them dos'ent have a whole lot of ground to stand on
when it happens to them, and if they end up in a relationship with the cheater who left his or her spouse for them- I guarantee it will.

The whole point of what I'm saying here is that abuse does indeed go both ways, it is not something that is inherent to either sex anymore than it is something inherent to a particular race. People have to start making an effort to put their spouses needs above their own, whether that "need" may be an absurdly expensive toy which the family cannot really afford, or the desire to have sex with a really good looking person who's just in the right place at the right time. This is not easy to do. As much as we love our mates, our natural desire is to put ourselves first.
How many here have went out and bought a brand new 35000.00 diesel pickup truck that they just "needed", but
somehow could'int take the time to bring the wife home a bouquet of flowers, or maybe sprung the money for that new dining room set she's been wanting for the last 6 years?

It's not even that we mean to but ourselves first deliberately, it's just that it's so natural to do so. People need to realise how selfish they are really being at times before they can do something about it.

 

If I ever get divorced, and my wife gets custody of my children, I will gladly give everything I own to her. My kids deserve the financial security and comfort, because they surely don't deserve the pain of the divorce.

 

Not to belittle your love for your kids or the responsibility you are willing to shoulder - but I think you better rethink this notion. Since you are from Texas there are certain guidelines and rules that you will have to follow whether you want to or not. With that being said, you might want to consider a GREAT lawyer and get everything you can get. I'm not kidding here.

Some of the replies I have read here are not that far off (as a matter of fact some are right-on) when it comes to what women want (nowadays).

There is no doubt that your wife (God forbid this happens) will not only get a good lawyer, but also a coach.

 

right on Big Orn
in a divorce, get the best lawyer you can, and get the best settlement( for you) that you can. you can always give her more than what the court orders if you think its fair, but you don't want to be legally obligated to give more than you can afford

 

I agree, I work with a guy who's wife divorced him and got the 2 kids, and he got royally screwed for the child support. In addition to having to pay 400 a month for his rent, he had to pay 600 a month for child support, then they added on another 100 a week for day care. He was working 3 jobs and still couldn't come up with it all, and he ended up being homeless for a couple weeks. Not something I'd want to ever go through.

 

It just seems that most people turn divorces into a man vs woman issue, and forget that the children get hurt no matter which side "wins".

I would not want my children to have to leave their home - so the wife gets the house.

I wouldn't want my children to be raised by a day care worker - so my wife gets all the assets so she can stay at home with the kids.

I would put my personal standard of living far, far down the list if it came to providing for my children.

Of course, I hope it never comes to that.

 

HerbertKornfeld

It just seems that most people turn divorces into a man vs woman issue, and forget that the children get hurt no matter which side "wins".


Yeah, and this raises another question, why do divorces happen in the first place?


sinister73 -

these are damn good points you make,

Getting back to the stereotype thing, what would happen if a woman in the above mentioned scenario simply broke down from the experience, she sobs hopelessly when she realizes that her control over him is not as complete as she had led herself to believe, and in this condition she goes to the local police department to file charges on the *******, what do you think will happen to him?? Naturally most of the officers present will be men, who will by nature be geniunely moved by this misleading show they are receiving from this woman, and soon the beligerant husband will have the SWAT team beating his door down.

I agree. Manipulation is a woman's thing. For every abusive man, there an equally manipulative and selfish woman. They truly deserve each other.

In the cheating game neither men nor women can blame the condition as a whole on flawed characteristics of the opposite sex, since it obviously (unless their spouse is homosexual) takes an equally selfish member of their own sex to make an affair happen.

Yeah, in fact, I have never seen a marriage where just one of the people screwed up. It is always both who screw up pretty badly. I have some friends whose wifes left them - and I say, geez, no wonder.

I don't know a single normal person, out of the people I know well.

I think that means we are all dysfunctional.

 

I'd go one step further than that. I'd work hard to make sure that it never became necessary to get divorced in the first place. Never stop talking to each other; fight fair; no nagging; know your shortcomings and overlook your spouse's.

I'm in my 26th year of marriage to the best woman on the face of the earth. She has to be; she puts up with me.

 

Political Correctness? NOW? General Purpose Male Bashing? Liberal courts? No-fault divorce? Butthead men? Or a combination of all of the above.

 

Marriage is a covenant between 3 parties; a man, a woman, and God. God instituted marriage, so when a marriage runs into problems, why not take them to God? The Bible clearly outlines the roles of the man and the woman in marriage. By following the instructions, marriage will work!

 

so if I don't believe in god, I can't get married?

 

Excuse me ?!?

Surely you have some validation of this besides a book even the "believers" can only at best describe as a story book.

I personally know a married pair of die hard atheist - been married over 50 years to each other.

How did they do that?

Respectfully.

 

What are the roles that the bible so clearly states? I would like to know if they still apply in today's world.