Rules for Men

by Lenny Schafer

For men, the marriage contract has been gutted almost useless over the last 25 years. "Adjustments" to family law initially designed to protect woman and children from abusive husbands and poverty after divorce have gone so overboard that it offers a too easy way out to spouses for working out the problems that are inevitable in most relationships. Husbands and fathers are disposable, dispensible.

If you have doubt about this ask just about any man who has lost his family, children and most of his assests in a "nobody's fault" divorce. Since the divorce rates hover at 50+%, they shouldn't be hard to find -- a percentage that puts any man in marriage or considering marriage at great potential risk.

Our society honors quick fixes and instant gratifications over honoring husbands and fatherhood. To reduce your disposability factor in future marriages (in lew of waiting for the laws to change), I offer the following tips of problem "stereotypes" to avoid.

1. THE FEARFUL FEMINIST -- Avoid women who see sexism and male privilage at every turn. These women are insecure and it's only a matter of time before you are seen as part of the problem too -- no matter how hard you try to prove you are fair. Her problem has nothing to do with you specifically, just men in general and her own self-doubts. You can't fix it.

2. THE CAREER BOUND -- Avoid women who chase careers not so much because they love their work, but that they are adamant about being independent. You are going to be highly disposable as a husband and father in a culture that promotes instant gratification and taking easy ways out. Exception being if you are comfortable taking the submissive role in a relationship (many American men are).

3. THE WOUNDED BIRD -- Avoid women in recovery, therapy, or from fatherless or father-scarce families. Fortunately since victimhood is honored in this culture, these women tend to readily blab about their wounds 10 minutes after you meet them. Women who have truly healed have no scabs to obsessively pick at. Resist the urge to be the heroic rescuer, for her healing can only be done by herself and you will only be resented for your patronizing efforts, eventually. "In recovery" is present tense. If unable to resist your ego's need to be a hero, become a big brother. It's appropriate to patronize children (in it's positive sense).

4. THE TICKING BIO CLOCKS -- Avoid older career women with ticking biological clocks. These women can be particularly bad picks. They have demonstrated generally their low priority in taking the time and making effort into making durable relationships with men. By "ticking clock" age she may be too independent and set in her ways to be willing to make a whole lot of flexible room for your bad habits or personality flaws. You are a VERY disposable piece of family furniture (usually realized after you've deposited your seed and invested half your assests).

Time given for you to shape up to her version of "equal" partner varies from "strong woman" to strong woman. If you marry the boss, that's what you'll get. Again, many American men are fine with the submissive marriage partner role. Hell, they can even be President some day!

5. AMERICAN WOMEN -- Consider marrying a foreign women from a culture which does not dishonor men, husbands and fathers. And only if you're exhausted with traditional dating methods and a seamless stream of "high-maintenance" women.

These are generalizations of course and they are only a suggestive guideline starting point in the ounce-of-prevention catagory of avoiding the dangers of divorce. The best solution is to reverse the trend today of making husbands instant disposables and making fatherhood functionally illegal. Help create family laws which promote family stability and commitment rather than divorce.

P.S. Yes, men can be jerks too. But you don't need me to restate this when there are so many other people around who have made a profession out of men-bashing and awfulizing.

 

Thank Heavens he didn't mention "Red Neck Women" that is about the only type I ever met - except those he mentioned

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

()

 

I think carpe, you have some deep seeded problems.

Just think. If you were a woman, and you were bashing men, you'd be called a lesbian by now. Just a thought.

 

Hottie, did you just call carpe a *** in round about way. I think you did. That would explain the trouble he's been having with women.

Thats it Carpe, you've been barking up the wrong tree. Perhaps you could have a better time finding a mate if you start looking for a good sensible man. One that has the same women bashing values as you, so you don't have to teach him how to hate women.

Good Grief Man! I wouldn't put up with you if I were a women either!

 

Whatever happened to the good old fashioned "Male Chauvinist Pig" ? I really do not think carpe_diem is a lesbian.

. . besides he didn't write it. See "Lenny Schafer" at the top.

FWIW.

 

I think someone just got screwed in a divorce. Which is typical for a man to get the shaft because the woman plays "Poor innocent one that has done everything she could the make the marriage work" card. And god forbid if you have kids, you might as well just had over everything you have.

 

I think someone just got screwed in a divorce. Which is typical for a man to get the shaft because the woman plays "Poor innocent one that has done everything she could the make the marriage work" card. And god forbid if you have kids, you might as well just had over everything you have.

But prey tell, how did we get to this sad condition?

 

Payback for decades of spousal abuse by husbands maybe?

 

BOY HOWDY!

l8r

 

NH-HOTTIE,

I think carpe, you have some deep seeded problems.


I am terrible, I am already aware of that.

What I wonder is why my posts make you so insecure? Do you feel threatened by the idea of a relationship with men, period? What's all this talk about Mine [defects] are that I'm too independent, determined, direct, empathic, and I don't need a man to live my life.

Sounds to me like you feel really insecure about yourself and your role in the world, especially after your relationship failed. Why is that? Seems to me like you are trying to persuade yourself more than anyone else.

You don't have to answer this if you don't want to, but did you parents have commitment problems?

Now, coming up with a login as interesting as "NH-HOTTIE" and then posting on a 99% male dominated forum, a lot of whom are single , hm. Not that we don't appreciate your perspective here - we do, but just something I was wondering about.

You know, beauty is skin deep. If the people around you judge you by the way you look, you might reassess not your choice of looks - but your choice of people.

I can tell you, NH-HOTTIE, that my criteria for people and especialy mates in my life has radically evolved over the years. I try to look at it as a 'learning experience'.

 

OK I'm a man , but if I bash men,

can I be a lesbian?

aw, come on, PLEASE?

 

I'm constantly learning from others and from my experiences. I've been told that I analyze things to a staggering degree. And also, that I don't think like a normal female.
We all are by products of our upbringing. And yes, my parents had many issues, and still due. As for me being insecure. I was sometime ago. But not anymore.
I really have no reason to explain myself to you and how I am. But a true worth while discussion should always include facts and proof from ones own experiences, to validate a statement. Didn't anyone teach you how to have a good fight?
As for my login. That's my tag on my truck. A nickname given to me by my co-workers, years ago. I'm fun to be with and fun to talk to( so I'm told), so it comes purely from the inside.

 

I see.

Sounds like a good journey.

 

Could you two get a room-

I'm tired of seeing people swap spit in public.

 

There's room for more...

Now I'll keep my mouth shut.