I wasn't sure how to title this. Its kind of bothersome to me, and its putting a strain on my relationship.

My girlfriends mom will not let her leave the house. Its kinda outrageous, Beke is not allowed to be out past 10PM, and she isn't allowed to stay at a friends house overnight.

I think this is quite outrageous, I haven't ever had a curfew and most of my friends have very generous curfews, if they even do.

If Beke were an irresponsible girl I could see where a 10 PM curfew might be handy. However, Beke is 19 years old, and she can manage to hold down three jobs, and go to school full time with good grades.
I have known Beke for over a year, and I invited her to come stay at my family's ranch in Montana for a week in December, but I am afraid that Beke will be hurting her mom if she leaves with me. I don't know what to do.

 

Man I feel ya, all I can say is....hmm...I do no know yours and her status together and her status with her family. I had problems tryin to get my gal to tell her parents that she was old enough to make her own decisions. She always did as they said, which is not a bad thing in its own right, they can place outrageous demands, especially when faced with 'losing' their daughter. After a while my gal become more outspoken with her family, and they came to realize that she was a big girl, and could take care of herself. And after my gal finished High School, her parents gave her just about all the leeway someone living under their parents roof could ask for. It is a slow process. It is somehting that needs to be started when the child is around 15-16 showing slight independance. This also helps out for when they move out as the 'real' world can be a big shock for most teenagers. You also need to show her parents that you mean the best of intentions for their daughter it helps..That is the only reason I am still aliv...otehrwise her mom woulda killed me when she walked in on the two of us....I had already shown them that I mean the best for their daughter, as now I am a part of the family, if not legally yet.

Best of luck....BTW, my gal was supposed to go on a vacation with me a year ago, we were about to get on the interstae when her parents called up and told her they changed their minds....six months later we where in Fl for a week renting a Condo stayin on the beach by ourselves, now she is in college and she stays with me every two weeks...so funny how circumstances can turn around.

 

Beke is a legal adult and can do as she pleases. She also is responsible for dealing with the consequences of her actions. She can leave any time she wants as long as she takes on the responsibility of being an adult as well as the freedoms. If you want a long term relationship with Beke, you have to accept a long term relationship with the rest of her family as well. Ponder this well.

 

You must remember it is not a good thing to create a large or perminent rift with her family. If her and her family get to fighting that might also cause you and her to fight.

 

I don't want to form a bad relationship with Beke's mom.
There won't be any consequences for her actions, we have both decided to wait until we are married.
Beke is my best friend and she wanted to come with me, I only mentioned it. We were going to start rebuilding a 302 that we are going to put in our 83 Ranger.

I told Beke that she always has a place to stay with my family, should things turn sour at home, my family likes her. I don't know if that was a mistake, but I love Beke, and she knows, I don't want a simple disagreement to turn that sour.

 

Most likely the mother is just worried about her getting with child or killed in a car accident after a wild party. Let it slide for a year and do not cause any rift. I agree that the 10 pm curfew is a little bit stiff for a 19 year old girl, but, for a child living at home it is not all that unreasonable. If you plan on marrying the girl (legally a woman) you will have the rest of your life to enjoy her without causing any resentment down the road.

 

Thanks Rebo.

I guess in the back of my mind, that what I was thinking, but then I hear the way she talks about coming to visit the ranch, and I feel like its kinda my fault. I already know her mom is gonna say no.

 

That sounds pretty outrangous if you ask me. Her mom sounds a little bit controling. Why dosne't she move out and get a place of her own?

 

Good question, I made the offer.

 

Being over 50 has its benefits.... I don't have such problems any more.

Parents either love their children, and do not see that they are grown, or don't love them, and don't trust them either. I have no advice for you in this situation, because I may agree with the parents in this one.... It is hard to let a beautiful daughter do what they want, stay out after 10, or what ever.. I sympathize with the parents of such a girl.

 

Not only do the parents want to let their daughter go, but regardless of what she says, most females have a hard time letting their parents go

 

Well I talked to Beke and she promised me that she wasn't gonna run off to Montana if her mom didn't approve. Thats what I wanted to hear.