Getting old and forgetful !

.....I got out from the supermarket and looked for the key of my car. It was not in my pockets. I went back inside and searched among tomatoes, potatoes and all the shelves attentively but found nothing.

Suddenly I realized that it could be left inside the car and the car could be stolen. I ran rapidly to the car park and THE CAR DISAPPEARED!

I called the police and gave them my position, the description of the car, the license plate, etc., etc., and I confessed that I left the key inside.

Then I made the most difficult call.....to my wife.

Daaarling.....(my voice trembled) I left the key in the car and it's stolen!

There was la long silence.....then she screamed:

I drove you and dropped you at the supermarket before going to the hairdresser! MORON!

Not without embarrassment but happy, I said: How nice! So you're coming to pick me up?

She screamed again: I can't, idiot! I am in the Police station and I have to convince them that I didn't steal the car!

 

 

A fancy lady on vacation took a stroll through the woods. Suddenly a little white duck, all covered with s#!t crossed her path.

"Oh, dear," the lady said, "come on, I'll clean you!" She took a Kleenex from her purse and whipped the duck clean. After finishing, she urged the duck away saying, "Be careful next time!"

She walked on and another duck, with s#!t all over it, crossed her way. Again she took out a Kleenex and cleaned the little duck. She warned this one as well and the duck took off. Soon after, she encountered a third duck with the same problem.

"Now I've had it!" She whined. "What have you all been doing?" And for the third time she acted like a Florence Nightingale and tended the duck.

She continued her stroll when suddenly she heard a voice from the bushes. "Hey, you, lady!" sounded a male voice in distress.

"Yes?" she replied.

"Do you have a Kleenex?"

"No, not anymore," she answered.

"Too bad. I guess I'll just have to use another duck."

 

OMG! thas sick!
Knowing how it feels to know no toilet paper on the roll and pees all over the floor too!

 

The center of a Toilet paper roll makes a great seed planter in the early spring.

 

 

Computer games are sort of a PITA.

 

 

 

 

Ok. So most of my friends are nerds...

 

I hate it when the neighborhood bear wants to have lunch on my Patio table.