Don't go West young man, thas 2022!

 

 

Have you ever camped with a real angry bear nearby?

 

Former Marine Lil Johnny is being interviewed for a job.
"Were you in the service?" the interviewer asks.
"Yes, I was a Marine," responds Lil Johnny.
"Did you see any active duty?"
"I was in Iraq & Afghanistan for 22 years
but now have a partial disability."
"May I ask what happened?"
Gunny SGT. Lil Johnny answers, "I had a grenade go off
between my legs and I lost both *********, Sir !"
"You're hired. You can start Monday at 10 a.m."
"When does everyone else start? I don't want any
preferential treatment because of my disability."
"Everyone else starts at 7 a.m., but I might as well be honest with you.
Nothing gets done between 7 and 10. We just sit around
​​​​​​​scratching our ***** trying to decide what to do first."

 

 

 

Lil Johnny and his new brides first night on their Honeymoon.
Lil Johnny's a tall man over 6'7" & the bride is beautiful, Petite + hottie.
So Lil Johnny takes off his pants and says, "Try them on."
She is Bewildered but tries to please him. "They're too big,
they won't stay on." She exclaims, "I am so sorry my Husband!"
"That's right, just remember who wears
the pants in this family." Lil Johnny rants!
Mrs. Lil Johnny removes her pants and
hands them to Lil Johnny saying, Try mine on!"
Well Lil Johnny knows he can't get one of his big feet into them
and says, "I can't get into them." So he Chuckles some.
Well, Blonde and So Hot Mrs. Lil Johnny says, "That's right and
until your attitude changes that's the way it's going to stay."

 

The Neighbor lady stopped by the other day.
She's a sweet, happy gay ol gal.
Snowball says she's a bit of a funny bunny.
Anyway, she tells us she has some Turkey Buzzards
hanging around, in her trees, on the roof of her house
crapping and stuff, what to do.
I says I can get my 10 gauge, but it makes big holes
an I don't wanna do a lot of damage.
She says oh dear Pap please don't do that.
But what should she do she asks.
Well, I look out there, walk around a bit and
say to her. "Ask the Dumpster guy to close the Lid"

 

That seemed all wrong

His wife is a romantic very hot chick and sends her husband the text:
If you are sleeping my beautiful husband, send me your dream,
My wonderful husband if you laugh, send me your happiness.
If you are eating a really good dinner, send me the essence.
If you are about to drink, send me more wine. If you cry out,
send me your tears for I love you my precious husband.
"I love you with all my being, all my heart!"
He replied, "I am in the bathroom.

 

 

Anyone ever enjoy and XRAY exam?

 

 

Raymone, (Short for)_ Ricky Wallace walks into a supermarket and notices a Real Hottie.
She stares for quite some time, so Ricky asks “Have we ever met?”
The Hottie says, “I think your the father of one of my kids”.
Well, Ricky thinks a bit and realizes this kid she is talking about
must be the result of the one and only time he ever cheated on his wife.
So Ramone, (short for)_ Ricky Wallace asks, “are you the stripper at my best friends bachelor party?
It was about 5 years ago?” “ I had sex with her on the pool table while
your friend spanked me with rolled up news papers repeating Walleye!”
This Drop dead Hottie answers, "I'm your kids school teacher!"

 

The construction Crew on a high building early in the morning.
Sadly, Steve slips off the Steel Beam down to the ground and is critically injured.
His pals attempt to save him with CPR, but Steve has hit hard on that Cement.
There is blood everywhere and he quickly passes.
Will says "Somebody gotta go tell Karen, Steve's wife."
Lil Johnny says "I'll do it, I can be very sympathetic "
So Lil Johnny heads off to tell Karen, then a few hours later
Lil Johnny comes back with a case of beer.
Will asks, "Where did you get the beer?"
Lil Johnny is quiet for a bit and answers, "Steve's wife gave it to me."
Amazed, Will says, "You told her Steve was dead and she gave you beer?"
"Not exactly. When she answered the door I said "You must be Steve's widow?"
Karen answered, "I'm not a widow" and I said,
"I bet you a case of beer you are."