The Safe for GNAC Joke Thread!!!
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Cargo Master
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 3,191
Likes: 2,007
From: SW Washington
Jokes That Can Be Told In Church
Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil.
One said to the other, 'What do you think about all this Satan stuff?'
The other boy replied, 'Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your Dad..'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl
whispered to her mother, 'Why is the bride dressed in white?''
The mother replied, 'Because white is the colour of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.'
The child thought about this for a moment then said, 'So why is the groom wearing black?'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three boys are in the school yard bragging about
their fathers. The first boy says, 'My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.'
The second boy says, 'That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song,they give him $100.'
The third boy says, 'I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon,and it takes eight people to collect all the money!'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, 'They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A police recruit was asked during the exam, 'What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?'
He answered, 'Call for backup.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem.
A small child replied, 'They couldn't get a baby-sitter.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to 'Honor thy father and thy mother,' she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'
Without missing a beat, one little boy answered,
“Thou shall not kill . . . “
~~~~~~~~~~~~
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, 'Johnny,what is the matter?'
Little Johnny responded,
‘'I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife.'’
Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil.
One said to the other, 'What do you think about all this Satan stuff?'
The other boy replied, 'Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your Dad..'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl
whispered to her mother, 'Why is the bride dressed in white?''
The mother replied, 'Because white is the colour of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.'
The child thought about this for a moment then said, 'So why is the groom wearing black?'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three boys are in the school yard bragging about
their fathers. The first boy says, 'My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.'
The second boy says, 'That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song,they give him $100.'
The third boy says, 'I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon,and it takes eight people to collect all the money!'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, 'They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A police recruit was asked during the exam, 'What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?'
He answered, 'Call for backup.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem.
A small child replied, 'They couldn't get a baby-sitter.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to 'Honor thy father and thy mother,' she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'
Without missing a beat, one little boy answered,
“Thou shall not kill . . . “
~~~~~~~~~~~~
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, 'Johnny,what is the matter?'
Little Johnny responded,
‘'I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife.'’
Fleet Owner
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 26,157
Likes: 4,149
From: Near Cal. Avenue
We have those stands to stack toilet tissue so we know when to get some. For a time there were no Cheetos ! Went to get a new gas leaf blower they had one of 4 brands in stock. $190 with a gallon of 50/1 fuel. I feel mugged ! Went to 2 large stores. Things just aren’t right ! Talked with Clubcar dealer. He said 45,000 clubcar’s on back ordered nation wide. How do you replace a fleet of 72 golf cars per course. Just saw static’s on job market. More hired = best ever…..they must all do the same thing. = nothing ? So much for Service job market economies !
Fleet Owner
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 24,319
Likes: 5,128
From: 0,0,1
We have those stands to stack toilet tissue so we know when to get some. For a time there were no Cheetos ! Went to get a new gas leaf blower they had one of 4 brands in stock. $190 with a gallon of 50/1 fuel. I feel mugged ! Went to 2 large stores. Things just aren’t right ! Talked with Clubcar dealer. He said 45,000 clubcar’s on back ordered nation wide. How do you replace a fleet of 72 golf cars per course. Just saw static’s on job market. More hired = best ever…..they must all do the same thing. = nothing ? So much for Service job market economies !
Fleet Owner
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 26,157
Likes: 4,149
From: Near Cal. Avenue
I sometime wonder if my Boat thinks of me as much as I think of my Boat ?
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