Im not a father yet but I really enjoy kids,a nd reading these stories, subscribing.

 

That would kill me.....truelly..

Okay, Christian was able to walk early, late 9 months.. well around 10 months he started to climbing the fence, and got himself stuck.. This scared me. So, I taught him how to climb the fence, making sure that he could do this with out getting stuck, or hurt..I failed in telling my wife this. So, she puts him in the back yard, and he is gone!!! talki about scaring us to death.. Well, he went to the neighbors.. over the fence.. this is a cause for several discussions on what time I am allowed alone with our 10 month old now..

 

The original post made me think of this picture...

 

The O.P. made me think of THIS picture. I'm guessing chocolate milk. Probably caused a chain reaction.

 

I had that happen to me when I was swearing in, the guy behind me blasted me...

 

OK, another. Wife and I have always told the kids, never talk or go with strangers. Well. When my son was around 4 years old, Wife and I decided to test the little &*&^%. So we got one of my wifes work friends to drive by the house and see if she could pick the boy up from the yard. He was playing in the front yard, here comes the tester. She pulls close to the curb and calls him, she tells him she will take him to the store to buy him some candy. That little rascal jumped right into the car with her. After going down the road a little ways, he tell her, "I think I want to go back home". He sure learned a lesson that day.

 

Two stories on my son (who's now 9):

1. I was stationed in South Carolina (my son was 3 at the time). We went to the grocery store and loaded up for a couple of weeks. We came home, turned on the TV for him to watch while my wife and I proceeded to unload the minivan (yes, minivan). A short time later I could hear a 'thud' from outside and my wife's frantic voice. My son had seen something out the living room window and climbed the back of our couch to get a better view. His unplanned and unexpected dismount resulted in him landing flat on his back and knocking himself out. 3yo kids DO NOT like to sit still for a cat scan.

2. Fast forward about 6 months. We are in the sweltering South Carolina summer. We have some friends over from work (with their 2 kids). After lunch (which was bbq hot dogs, hamburgers) my kids want some chocolate milk after being out in the hot sun. We give in, calling it their 'dessert.' Not 1/2 hour later we're in the house and my son looks a little pale. He stops in the middle (MIDDLE) of the living room, announces he doesn't feel well and the proceeds to projectile vomit his entire lunch (hot dog, hamburger and warm, curdled chocolate milk) all over the living room. Did I mention he was in the middle of the living room? Did I also mention that everybody else was in the living room also? Needless to say that ended our get together. That was also the day that cured my gag reflex. My wife had to leave the house for a couple of hours so she wouldn't puke too.

 

I don't have any kid's myself, but I have 21 nieces and nephews. My brother and I coach basketball. His two youngest girl-6, boy-5 come to practice with us. They follow my brother everywhere but they should know better. He's walking along and rips a loud one. My nephew says," that was gross dad, it was really wet!" To which my brother replied,"no it wasn't." We laughed and so did the basketball team but we got over it and went about practice. On the way home the subject came up again and my nephew again stated,"It was really wet, cause I felt it on my face!" Hearing this out of a 5 year old boy just made me roll with laughter, and no, it wasn't wet(according to my brother).

 

I still get reminded by my wife for this one: When my oldest son, Christian, (nice name eh Pat?) was about 18 months old, we were driving home from having dinner out and a guy cut me off in the parking lot. Of course, I let out, "you chit" to the driver. Well, guess what I hear out of the back carseat???

 

What a bunch of great stories. I have many, but I'll give you a cute one about my daughter. When she was about 4 or 5, she was pulling all the crust off her bread, sandwiches, toast whatever. My wife would always tell her to eat her crust. One day before Mom was up, the two of us are having breakfast. She is putting her crust to the side of her plate, and I say Jennifer, there are a lot of starving kids in this world that would love to have that crust. She proceeds to climb under the table and pull out probably several weeks of crust out from a ledge and tells me to send them to the starving kids. She's 23 now, and still doesn't eat the crust. Gotta love 'em.

 

My son is 38 now and this happened when he was 3. I was in the living room and he was in the back bedroom. I hear a real quick scream from the back of the house. I run back there to see what happened. My son is sitting on his butt looking a bit stunned. He looks up at me and says "I peed in the socket and it bit me". 35 years later and it still makes me laugh.

 

^^^ouch. that cracks me up though. these stories are great.

 

Man oh man that was priceless!

 

Robin......this totally reminded me of when I first started working on the Railroad. Our tracks have a very small current running through them that runs our signal system. The instructor told us never to pee directly on the tracks on day one of training. I have never "tested the theory" yet!

 

Sheryl, Christian and I were coming home from something, when this fool comes from the right lane accross to the median, I have to stand on the brakes to keep from tagging the guy.. I said nothing, suddenly, in the back seat Chriatian says "mommy, can I say it, can I say it" Sheryl replies " say what" Christian says " can I say IT " Sheryl says sure, He yells out " You MF " full term used here.. Sheryl turned RED, and I didnt stop laughing until we got home.. and even then had a chuckle going..