I have a friendship question. I have known this person for 11 years and became best friends in high school. Now that we have graduated I hardly ever hear from them. We went out once and had a great time like we used to, but a couple of funny things have happened. We went bowling last fall, it was supposed to be just the 2 of us so we could catch up, but they also invited some of their other friends without asking me if it was ok. I was upset, but what could I do. Then about 2 weeks ago there was a local concert that I wanted to go to, so I asked them if they would like to go with me. The answer I got was "I'm trying to concentrate on school right now." While that is ok by me, the concert was the day before spring break!!!! At this point I'm thinking that it is probably best to end this friendship now as I get the feeling they don't want to do anything with me. What do you guys think?

 

I would take what they say at it's face value, for now at least. It is possible that maybe they had been having trouble in school lately and needed to study.

The truth of the matter is that people grow apart. Even when I see my friends from school, things aren't the same. Honestly, I wouldn't want them to be. We all grow up and find our own way. It is possible to still be friends with this person, you just have to accept the way things are now.

 

I couldnt agree more. After high school people go their own ways and make new friends, common ground is lost. I see people that I was friends with in high school and we still talk and what not but nothing like calling each other or anything like that, it is limited to when we see each other in public. My best friend growing up, lived right next door, his parents still live next door to my parents. I havent spoken to him in two years. I talked with him the other day while I was at my folks and he was at his folks, we talked about how life has been treating us, what we accomplished since high school, and what we had going on in our lives at the time. But it wasnt the same, it was almost like talking to someone I met a week earlier. We exchanged phone numbers, both knowing that both numbers would probably never be used, and so far they havent, that was a year ago. I still see him now and again when I go over to my parents house but not more than a casual "Hi" and "how are you" are exchanged now. I guess the point is not to lose to much sleep over it. People take diffirent paths and persue diffirent interests, they find new friends, get into relationships that may not agree with past friends and basically just get on with life.

 

People move on and take different directions in life. As much as it stinks, I think that its time you let things go.

 

lots of things change after highschool, out of everyone I was freinds with, I probably only keep in touch with 3-5 people, Same goes for college graduation

 

Well said.

My situation was so diffren't from any of my HS class I left and never wen't back. You see my brother and I joined the Army right out og HS when Round one was winding up. Funny thing is as soon as we got a chance to come home on leave we couldn't realy find any common ground with any of our own friends and left it at that. After a year leave time became just family time and we would catch news through our parents and the stragest things started happening, beginning with comment about how much "So and So" wished their kids turned out like my brother and I.

So don't focus too much on trying to rekindle old bonds, find new ones and drive on from there. If he tries to contact you that's fine and dandy, just don't waste your time and energy being the only one reaching out to them.

Just my .02 worth.

Good Luck!

PK

 

I have only been out of high school about six years now. I still live within 30 miles of my old school and although I do see classmates quite frequently, I only make a slight attempt to keep in touch with two of them. One of which I havent seen or talked to since november.

It dosent really bother me to tell you the truth. I have my own life now, and a its a good one that includes my beautiful wife, a nice home and a little farm. I am living my dream.

For the most part the people that I knew in hs are still pretty focused on partying. A few still even live with thier parrents.

Maybe sometime in the future I will get back in touch with some of them. I doubt it though. I dont really miss them.

When I do go out and see them at the bars, we will buy a few beers back and forth and swap stories about old times, however that is as far as it goes. All we really have in common is old times.

 

I'm thinking the fact that you keep referring to your friend as "them" and "they" means that your friend is a "she". Women always make things like this more complicated. Is she afraid that you want to be more than friends? That may explain brining in her bringing in backup when you went bowling. Are you thinking you might like to be more than friends or is that off base? If it is off base, let her know you just want to be buds and hang out like you used to do. If it isn't off base it appears, unfortunatey, that she is sending some pretty clear signals that she doesn't want anything more. Life stinks sometimes. Give her some space, continue to be a friend and see what happens in the future. What the others have said about growing apart is true and could be a factor here as well, as I said, women just make a situation like this even more complicated than it already is, good luck.

 

That's what makes the long time friends you still have that much more special.

My buddy and I pretty much keep in touch on a regular basis.

It's been 40 years now. Plus it doesn't hurt that he's only a 30 minute ride away.

Friends come and go; best friends stay.

EDIT: I just read go_racing84 post.

I have to mention that we're both low tech idiots. We use this contraption called----A FRIGGEN TELEPHONE.

 

It's interesting the way that works. My generation is caught up in the MySpace thing right now and that's really awkward (at least for me...) My senior class has been graduated for 4 years now, and I really made NO effort whatsoever to keep in touch with 90% of my class (which out here in sticksville was about 80-some people). All of a sudden, these people who I had pretty much just written off as folks I'd never see again... here we are, talking on MySpace. Something feels really unnatural about that. Plus the fact that I seem to have about zero in common with all of them.

But yeah, it happens. It's a little disappointing, but you have to accept it as the natural order of things.

 

Man if I counted up all the people who used to be my freinds, that I don't speak to anymore, I'd have a lot of freinds.

On the road of life, you and them both start over, in diffrent places, with diffrent people, doing diffrent things, and will never speak to one another. The only time I see people from highschool is when I go back to my hometown, and I usually only saw people I knew, not people I was freinds with. My 10 year reunion is coming up next year, I don't even know if I'm going to go.

Life is a series of do something, finish it, and start over again. That usually includes freinds to.

I have a buddy in Hopkinsville still, we meet when we both started college two and a half years ago. He was the only guy I considered a true freind in all of that time. We worked on each others cars together, hell I drove to North Carolina to help him out. He helped me with tools and a place to work on my cars. We also were in the same courses in school, and were the only guys who knew what was going on in class.

Well now I've moved to Michigan, and I've been trying to get him to move up here, getting him a job working for T-mobile, and doing the same thing I'm doing. I love this job, and both of us have said we'd rather work on radio equipment, and work outdoors. I told him about my job, he sounded enthused. Well the oppourtunity came around to get him on here. I recommended him for the job, told him where to fill out a application, talked to my boss about him, everything was going well, and he just didn't do it. I'm the only one that calls him anymore. He never calls me anymore. Never wants to talk for to long. The last time I was at home, and went by to talk, I really felt weird, and out of place.

So I think that this freindship is coming to an end, wherther I like it or not. Now I'm in michigan, and trying to start life over again. It hasn't quite been a year yet, and its hard to get out when you have a two year old. We just now found someone who can babysit Dan on saturday night, and have started to get out and do some things. I've started to make freinds with a few guys at work, but thats hard to do because we hardly ever see one another, and often go to days, where you never see the night guys anymore.

Long story short, freinds come and go, family is always there. In the words of Garth, "Life is like a river, ever changing as it flows"

 

LMAO!!!! I have to agree!

 

i had this freind from high school, he got married a couple of years ago(small town) and she never liked me from school, they were together for 8 years before getting married and evreything was fine, i was even in the wedding(flew from london to KS for it) and then that was it, after he got married, never was the same, even when i got married and moved back to the states, my wife and i stopped by to visit and it was just a one way conversation, they didn't want to associate with us.

him and his wife are all to serious, everything has to be perfect, like some typical snobby couple, didn't mix well with my wife and i who act like...well....teenagers sometimes and laugh and enjoy ourselves, they didn't smile or laugh ONE time while we were there!

so oh well, i don't care, thats life, i am not bending over backwards to know anybody!

 

So true. My best friend and I grew up 4 houses apart. We did everything together as kids. We went our own way during college. After college we got back together and hung out for a year or so. But it was different. Even though our lives were in basically the same place, we didn't have much in common anymore. We both were married within a year of each other. Our kids are only a few months apart age wise, but our communication consists of Christmas cards, and nothing else.

Times change, and people grow apart, so don't take offense at your friends actions.

Matt

 

I think that the problem is that when we are in high school we develop acquaintances, people you know, hang out with, take classes with etc... It takes much longer to develop friendships in my opinion. I have a lot of acquaintances, I can probably count my friends on both hands. I played sports in high school, not very well but played none the less. I knew a lot of people at school and we all said we were friends, but we are not really friends, we just all shared common interests. Out of everybody I went to high school with I count 1 of them as my friend. We know each others families, were in each others weddings and generally enjoy each others company. We live about 100 miles apart, not a huge distance but more then a bike ride. I saw him and his wife this weekend while showing off my new F350 to them after not having seen them for probably 3 months. We could call each other any time day or night and ask a favor and the other would do it without question. You don't have to see someone everyday to be friends. Friendship is something that is cultured over a period of time.

As for your initial post Ranger Rules I don't think you have to end anything. If this person wants to contact you then so be it, if not then that is the way it is going to be but don't beat yourself up over it.

The following definitions courtsey of www.dictionary.com

Friend:
1. A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
2. A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
3. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.
Acquaintance:
1. Knowledge of a person acquired by a relationship less intimate than friendship.
2. A relationship based on such knowledge: struck up an acquaintance with our new neighbor.
3. A person whom one knows.