ever lost a child???
FTE Chapter Leader
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 42,551
Likes: 3,117
From: Fraziers Bottom, WV
Yes, in 97 my daughter (then 15 1/2) died from a lung infection!
I can understand the pain but not that it get better as time goes on. You never stop feeling some pain be in time it changes to the "good time" thoughts and remembering her in a positive light and the day she died slides into the back ground! It makes you feel better when you wake up one morn'in and realize this!
Best wishes
Rod
I can understand the pain but not that it get better as time goes on. You never stop feeling some pain be in time it changes to the "good time" thoughts and remembering her in a positive light and the day she died slides into the back ground! It makes you feel better when you wake up one morn'in and realize this!
Best wishes
Rod
Elder User
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 714
Likes: 0
From: Antelope, CA
Originally Posted by 5_labsownus
Yes, in 97 my daughter (then 15 1/2) died from a lung infection!
I can understand the pain but not that it get better as time goes on. You never stop feeling some pain be in time it changes to the "good time" thoughts and remembering her in a positive light and the day she died slides into the back ground! It makes you feel better when you wake up one morn'in and realize this!
Best wishes
Rod
I can understand the pain but not that it get better as time goes on. You never stop feeling some pain be in time it changes to the "good time" thoughts and remembering her in a positive light and the day she died slides into the back ground! It makes you feel better when you wake up one morn'in and realize this!
Best wishes
Rod
Everything you said is so correct. I saw my own parents go through it.
I know, remembering the *good times* does help. I embrace those memories to this day. (my brother passed away in 1970).
Take care,
Paulette
Last edited by hyeit54; Oct 9, 2005 at 10:12 AM.
Senior User
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 184
Likes: 0
From: Ohio
We lost our first-born (Lisa) to brain cancer when she was 4 years old. Our best "couple" friends were wonderful. They would continue the same traditions as usual and we always felt comfortable when we were with them.
We could talk about our daughter without them getting fidgety or nervous. They always let us talk about our grief and memories without it getting too heavy.
I am so sorry for your loss. Be there for your Uncle, even if no mention of your cousin comes up.
For yourself, seek out those that treat you no differently than before your loss. They may well be your link to sanilty and reality.
My prayers are with you and your family.
aerostargal
We could talk about our daughter without them getting fidgety or nervous. They always let us talk about our grief and memories without it getting too heavy.
I am so sorry for your loss. Be there for your Uncle, even if no mention of your cousin comes up.
For yourself, seek out those that treat you no differently than before your loss. They may well be your link to sanilty and reality.
My prayers are with you and your family.
aerostargal
Senior User
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 166
Likes: 0
From: Milltown, NJ USA
"I was a Highway Patrolman and was subsequently disabled in the line of duty from a pursuit wreck. The face of those who died as we attempted to cut them out of old cars are etched on my mind."
shakerag...I am retired from the job also, was hit by a drunk and have lasting back pain from it. LUCKILY it wasn't bad enough to retire me early. I also see many of the faces from the accidents I have worked. I spent most of my career in the Trafic Division investigating fatal/serious collisions and have had the miserable job of notifying MANY families their loved ones were killed.
gotdiesel...yes, I have lost my then 27 year old son to a car accident in '03. The bitter irony is that two of my old coworkers had to come to MY home that Easter morning and do to me what I had to do to so many others throughout the years. The pain is CRUSHING!! It has been three years and it is STILL CRUSHING! You wake up, go through each day, then go to sleep with it. We, my wife, daughter and I are "getting better" with each passing year. To all the other parents that share this pain...know there are others of US out there so "carry on". Ken
PS: Sorry if I sound like a nut case.
shakerag...I am retired from the job also, was hit by a drunk and have lasting back pain from it. LUCKILY it wasn't bad enough to retire me early. I also see many of the faces from the accidents I have worked. I spent most of my career in the Trafic Division investigating fatal/serious collisions and have had the miserable job of notifying MANY families their loved ones were killed.
gotdiesel...yes, I have lost my then 27 year old son to a car accident in '03. The bitter irony is that two of my old coworkers had to come to MY home that Easter morning and do to me what I had to do to so many others throughout the years. The pain is CRUSHING!! It has been three years and it is STILL CRUSHING! You wake up, go through each day, then go to sleep with it. We, my wife, daughter and I are "getting better" with each passing year. To all the other parents that share this pain...know there are others of US out there so "carry on". Ken
PS: Sorry if I sound like a nut case.
Hotshot
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 11,697
Likes: 3
From: Marengo, Iowa
I lost my 2 year 9 month old last September, and it still haunts me to this day, my wife is still dealing with it as well. We were lucky in that we stood together, and helped each other, and continue to. It is probably the hardest thing I have ever dealt with, and likely ever will. She was such a special little girl, had so much potential, and was to be our last child. My wife had to have tubal ligation because she almost died herself giving birth. We are now looking into adoption though. After a year, I feel a little more comfortable with having another child, not as likely to just be trying to fill the void. Gives the adopted child more of a chance to be enjoyed for who they are.
Elder User
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 714
Likes: 0
From: Antelope, CA
Originally Posted by bluesuedetruck
"I was a Highway Patrolman and was subsequently disabled in the line of duty from a pursuit wreck. The face of those who died as we attempted to cut them out of old cars are etched on my mind."
shakerag...I am retired from the job also, was hit by a drunk and have lasting back pain from it. LUCKILY it wasn't bad enough to retire me early. I also see many of the faces from the accidents I have worked. I spent most of my career in the Trafic Division investigating fatal/serious collisions and have had the miserable job of notifying MANY families their loved ones were killed.
gotdiesel...yes, I have lost my then 27 year old son to a car accident in '03. The bitter irony is that two of my old coworkers had to come to MY home that Easter morning and do to me what I had to do to so many others throughout the years. The pain is CRUSHING!! It has been three years and it is STILL CRUSHING! You wake up, go through each day, then go to sleep with it. We, my wife, daughter and I are "getting better" with each passing year. To all the other parents that share this pain...know there are others of US out there so "carry on". Ken
PS: Sorry if I sound like a nut case.
shakerag...I am retired from the job also, was hit by a drunk and have lasting back pain from it. LUCKILY it wasn't bad enough to retire me early. I also see many of the faces from the accidents I have worked. I spent most of my career in the Trafic Division investigating fatal/serious collisions and have had the miserable job of notifying MANY families their loved ones were killed.
gotdiesel...yes, I have lost my then 27 year old son to a car accident in '03. The bitter irony is that two of my old coworkers had to come to MY home that Easter morning and do to me what I had to do to so many others throughout the years. The pain is CRUSHING!! It has been three years and it is STILL CRUSHING! You wake up, go through each day, then go to sleep with it. We, my wife, daughter and I are "getting better" with each passing year. To all the other parents that share this pain...know there are others of US out there so "carry on". Ken
PS: Sorry if I sound like a nut case.
*bluesuedetruck*, FYI- You do not sound like a nut case. We are all here for you. This is the nice part about FTE people, we all share with each other, and care.
My heartfelt prayers go out to your and your family.
Take Care.
Paulette
Last edited by hyeit54; Oct 10, 2005 at 11:06 AM.
Senior User
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 166
Likes: 0
From: Milltown, NJ USA
Thanks Paulette. Unfortunately I HAVE kind of lost PART of my mind because of this event. Our family (and MY mind) will never fully recover.
fellro86...all my best to you and yours. Cry it out if you have to don't care what anyone else thinks.
fellro86...all my best to you and yours. Cry it out if you have to don't care what anyone else thinks.
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Postmaster
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 3,529
Likes: 1
From: The Star-Club, Hamburg
My sympathy for your loss, and my condolences to you and your family.
My brother and sister-in-law lost their son at ten days of age. He had been a preemie, and never left the hospital. My parents drove the 90 mile (one way) trip to the hospital every day to see if he had improved. I did'nt, not even once. I was at work when I got the call that he had died, and I stayed to finish my shift there, figuring there was nothing I could do to help. I regret both actions now.
Count your blessings that you had your cousin as long as you did. Spend as much time with your uncle as you can. And please accept my thoughts and prayers.
My brother and sister-in-law lost their son at ten days of age. He had been a preemie, and never left the hospital. My parents drove the 90 mile (one way) trip to the hospital every day to see if he had improved. I did'nt, not even once. I was at work when I got the call that he had died, and I stayed to finish my shift there, figuring there was nothing I could do to help. I regret both actions now.
Count your blessings that you had your cousin as long as you did. Spend as much time with your uncle as you can. And please accept my thoughts and prayers.
New User
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 6
Likes: 0
From: Wyandotte, Mi
loss of life is very hard for us "earth bound" people to cope with. I had my own story, that I wont get in to (I think all of us have one).
What helps me, is I take a mental step back, and I think about where that person is right now, and how happy they must be, to be with God.
I think our grief is selfish. It means I wont be able to spend any more time on earth with the lost loved one. Don't grieve for that lost loved one, they are doing just fine!
We will all see our loved ones again. and when we do, we will be happiest.
have faith, and all will be well.
I will pray for you and your family tonight.
What helps me, is I take a mental step back, and I think about where that person is right now, and how happy they must be, to be with God.
I think our grief is selfish. It means I wont be able to spend any more time on earth with the lost loved one. Don't grieve for that lost loved one, they are doing just fine!
We will all see our loved ones again. and when we do, we will be happiest.
have faith, and all will be well.
I will pray for you and your family tonight.
Junior User
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 59
Likes: 0
Losing a child would be horrible. I have been lucky and all four of mine have survived into near adulthood (youngest 16). I can't imagine the pain and loss of losing one for any reason.
This discussion brings tears to my eyes even thinking about the possibility.
My prayers to you and your family.
For those not children, I have a different view. I still feel the loss of losing those, but it's not the same. I take a more spiritual view knowing that those who have gone to heaven are enjoying a much more full and better life than possible here on earth. We are overly sad feeling sorry for not being able to see and speak with those gone and as such, are feeling sorry for ourselves. Knowing they have gone to a better life, it's easier for me to accept their passing.
This discussion brings tears to my eyes even thinking about the possibility.
My prayers to you and your family.
For those not children, I have a different view. I still feel the loss of losing those, but it's not the same. I take a more spiritual view knowing that those who have gone to heaven are enjoying a much more full and better life than possible here on earth. We are overly sad feeling sorry for not being able to see and speak with those gone and as such, are feeling sorry for ourselves. Knowing they have gone to a better life, it's easier for me to accept their passing.
Senior User
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 218
Likes: 0
gotdiesel, one of my friends lost his 15 y/o daughter last week. It tore the hell out of me and it wasn't even one of my own. I think what hurt the most is to see a young kid laying there and then her parents having to go through that. It really bothered me since they're close to my wife and my ages. It doesn't seem right for a youngster to die. It might sound rough to say it, but to me, it seems normal (?) for an older person to pass on but not a younger one. Her obituary was in the paper. Here was a 15 y/o olds in there along with 70, 80 and 90 y/old ones. Ugh. Hang in there.
Post Fiend
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 10,323
Likes: 2
From: Montana Territory
I found out a few weeks ago that my mom has cancer... that she is a stage 4, 3-4 months to enjoy what you can... every day I hate the feeling that there is nothing I can do... except be here...
my open sympathy to all who have lost...
my open sympathy to all who have lost...
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