In shock
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Logistics Pro
Joined: Nov 2004
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From: Southern MD
In shock
Just got a phone call from my dear old Mom.
This woman is the last one left in her family. All of her brothers and sisters are gone.
All cousins, etc., gone.
My Dad's brother is the only one left from their side of the family, from that generation. He's now 78, and is still in pretty good health.
Mom is 90 years old. She will be 91 in September, IF she makes it to then.
She had a massive stroke in '01. (Her Mom died from a massive stroke in '72.)
Mom's fought and beaten cancer twice in the last 25 years, and was just told that not only does she now have skin cancer, she's in kidney failure.
According to her, it's pretty advanced.
Mom has said that she is not going to fight this any longer.
She says that she's tired, and wants to be with my Dad.
She sees another specialist this Wednesday and has said that she will refuse dialysis.
Sorry, my friends. I'm sitting here in shock. I've never known this woman to give up, on anything.
This woman is the last one left in her family. All of her brothers and sisters are gone.
All cousins, etc., gone.
My Dad's brother is the only one left from their side of the family, from that generation. He's now 78, and is still in pretty good health.
Mom is 90 years old. She will be 91 in September, IF she makes it to then.
She had a massive stroke in '01. (Her Mom died from a massive stroke in '72.)
Mom's fought and beaten cancer twice in the last 25 years, and was just told that not only does she now have skin cancer, she's in kidney failure.
According to her, it's pretty advanced.
Mom has said that she is not going to fight this any longer.
She says that she's tired, and wants to be with my Dad.
She sees another specialist this Wednesday and has said that she will refuse dialysis.
Sorry, my friends. I'm sitting here in shock. I've never known this woman to give up, on anything.
i ain't rite
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 65,453
Likes: 5,521
From: Marlboro Mental Hospital.
sorry to hear the bad news about your mom Keith.
i have lost quite a few very good friends over the years due to cancer, with 2 that committed suicide to spare their families the pain of spending a fortune only to see them waste away anyway.
it is never easy, especially when it is a close family member.
spend as much time as you can with her, and cherish that time.
both my parents are loosing their battle with age, and will not be with us very long either.
we almost lost dad back in the fall when his pacemaker screwed up.
i have lost quite a few very good friends over the years due to cancer, with 2 that committed suicide to spare their families the pain of spending a fortune only to see them waste away anyway.
it is never easy, especially when it is a close family member.
spend as much time as you can with her, and cherish that time.
both my parents are loosing their battle with age, and will not be with us very long either.
we almost lost dad back in the fall when his pacemaker screwed up.
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Joined: Apr 2004
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My condolences.
Just went through a couple deaths, one related, one not.
Just make sure she has the diagnosis right, and that some treatment would not give her some quality time.
If it's certain that the best way is to just go, insist on comfort care and choose the hospice folks with care. Get your daily care lined up if you don't have it yet.
Beware the cutting off of dialysis as an "easy out". Our friends were told this about their person, and it did not prove out. In fact it was awful.
My sister-in-law had it a bit easier, but it could have been smoother without her old addiction issues coming into play.
Sorry to talk about such downer stuff, but I think you can do much better than we did if you get the right hospice and the doctors steer you towards comfort.
Good luck with this, and God bless your mom.
Just went through a couple deaths, one related, one not.
Just make sure she has the diagnosis right, and that some treatment would not give her some quality time.
If it's certain that the best way is to just go, insist on comfort care and choose the hospice folks with care. Get your daily care lined up if you don't have it yet.
Beware the cutting off of dialysis as an "easy out". Our friends were told this about their person, and it did not prove out. In fact it was awful.
My sister-in-law had it a bit easier, but it could have been smoother without her old addiction issues coming into play.
Sorry to talk about such downer stuff, but I think you can do much better than we did if you get the right hospice and the doctors steer you towards comfort.
Good luck with this, and God bless your mom.
Post Fiend
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 23,849
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From: McKenzie River
Very sorry to hear this, Keith.........You know I lost both Mom and Dad in less than 9 months time, So I know where you are at............PM anytime friend.
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Logistics Pro
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From: Southern MD
Thanks for the very kind words, everyone.
They are truly appreciated.
Dave, I remember.
It's been a little over 2 years, since Dad passed at 87 years of age.
Mom's mind and wit is still very good.
She and I were talking, yesterday, and she reminded me that I had promised to take her's and Dad's cremains back to Tennessee, to be buried in the family plot, in Newport.
She said that until I could take time to get them back to Tennessee, I could put her on the fireplace mantel, beside Dad, or, IF there wasn't enough room, I could set her on top of Dad's container.
She then said, (I SWEAR these are her words!), "On second thought. Don't put me on top of your Dad. He didn't like anybody 'on his back', or as he would put it, 'riding his _ _ _'!"
She and I both had a good chuckle, and I told her that I'd take care of her and Dad.
They are truly appreciated.
Dave, I remember.
It's been a little over 2 years, since Dad passed at 87 years of age.
Mom's mind and wit is still very good.
She and I were talking, yesterday, and she reminded me that I had promised to take her's and Dad's cremains back to Tennessee, to be buried in the family plot, in Newport.
She said that until I could take time to get them back to Tennessee, I could put her on the fireplace mantel, beside Dad, or, IF there wasn't enough room, I could set her on top of Dad's container.
She then said, (I SWEAR these are her words!), "On second thought. Don't put me on top of your Dad. He didn't like anybody 'on his back', or as he would put it, 'riding his _ _ _'!"
She and I both had a good chuckle, and I told her that I'd take care of her and Dad.
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From: Reynoldsburg, Ohio
She then said, (I SWEAR these are her words!), "On second thought. Don't put me on top of your Dad. He didn't like anybody 'on his back', or as he would put it, 'riding his _ _ _'!"
She and I both had a good chuckle, and I told her that I'd take care of her and Dad.
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Joined: May 2007
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From: Greenfield, MA
Keith...sorry to hear about Mom. Although her decision is a difficult one for you to accept...it is her decision. I lost my father to kidney failure about a year and a half ago...he refused dialysis. Although it was difficult to accept...his wishes were honored. It's a beautiful thing when our elderly relatives make their own decisions!!!
Good thoughts for Mom on her new journey...good thoughts also for those loved ones left behind.
Good thoughts for Mom on her new journey...good thoughts also for those loved ones left behind.
Post Fiend
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 26,337
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From: Paradise Found!
Very sorry to hear about your mom Keith. I've lost all my parents/grandparents to cancer. All but my grandfather passed away while suffering with chemo, etc. My grand father refused the treatments, and had a fast acting cancer. He was 89 and couldn't drive a car anymore. One day he turned up missing and everybody freaked out. He was missing for three days. I had an idea where he might have gone and went up the mountain to where we always went Elk hunting. I found him setting with his back to a tree, his rifle in his lap, with a smile on his face. He had passed on from his favorite place.....
Prayers heading your way...
Prayers heading your way...
Lead Driver
Joined: Sep 2012
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From: Manteca,Ca
I feel your pain Keith, my mom is 80 and she sit's in hospice all of the family are there I had to come home to keep my company running, the hardest thing is to let go I kept every emotion back until the minute I walk out that door knowing that could be the last time I will ever see her, I got it together and went back in to make the best day I could for both, sorry didn't mean to be so saucy, just let your Mom know how much you love her . good luck my Friend.
Postmaster
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 4,004
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From: North of Boston MA
Both of my parents have expressed repeatedly that they want absolutely no extreme care including DNR, DNI, CPR, etc. And they both mean it. Both are well into their 80's and have had pretty good health overall.
I wish her well in her remaining time. Prayers for her that it will be painless.
I wish her well in her remaining time. Prayers for her that it will be painless.
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Logistics Pro
Joined: Nov 2004
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From: Southern MD
Thank you, everyone, for the kind words and encouragement.
Mom certainly is a strong woman.
She's made it to 90 through her strength, Faith and desire to live.
Seeing this side of her, shows/tells me that she is much stronger than anyone has ever given her credit.
I had a long conversation with all four of my kids, and explained what is happening and will happen in the future.
My oldest daughter is really taking this badly.
You see, she is the product of my first (failed) marriage, and as a child, was not allowed to visit her "Mamaw" and "Papaw", very much.
The only time(s) she got to visit with them, is when I got visitation.
She was devastated when my Dad passed away, and when Mom goes, well....... I'm not looking forward to the day.
Again, Thank You all, for the very kind words.
FTE truly is a place where good friends are.
Mom certainly is a strong woman.
She's made it to 90 through her strength, Faith and desire to live.
Seeing this side of her, shows/tells me that she is much stronger than anyone has ever given her credit.
I had a long conversation with all four of my kids, and explained what is happening and will happen in the future.
My oldest daughter is really taking this badly.
You see, she is the product of my first (failed) marriage, and as a child, was not allowed to visit her "Mamaw" and "Papaw", very much.
The only time(s) she got to visit with them, is when I got visitation.
She was devastated when my Dad passed away, and when Mom goes, well....... I'm not looking forward to the day.
Again, Thank You all, for the very kind words.
FTE truly is a place where good friends are.