A father and son went hunting together for the first time.

"Stay here," said the father, "and be very QUIET. I'll be across the field."

An hour later, the father heard a blood-curdling scream. "What's wrong?" he asked, having rushed back to his unharmed kid. "I told you to be quiet."

"Look," said his son. "I was quiet when the snake slithered across my feet.

"I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck.

"I didn't move a muscle when the skunk climbed over my shoulder.

"I closed my eyes and held my breath when the wasp stung me.

"I didn't cuss or scratch when the poison oak started itching.

"But when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant legs and said, 'Should we eat them here or take them with us?' ... I guess I just panicked."

Graham Hicks
Edmonton sun

================================================== ====================
I got this from a friend on another group.


This 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60
years, had died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last
ten years, mainly due to her interest in health food, and exercise.

When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to
their mansion which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and
master bath suite and Jacuzzi. As they "oohed and aahed" the old man
asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.

"It's free," Peter replied, "this is Heaven."

Next they went out back to see the championship golf course
that the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges
everyday and each week the course changed to a new one representing
the great golf courses on earth.

The old man asked, "What are the green fees?"

Peter's reply, "This is heaven, you play for free."

Next they went to the club house and saw the lavish buffet
lunch with the cuisine's of the world laid out.

"How much to eat?" asked the old man.

"Don't you understand yet? This is heaven, it is free!
"Peter replied.


"Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods?" the
old man asked timidly.


"That's the best part...you can eat as much as you like of
whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is
Heaven."


The old man looked at his wife and said, "You and your
damn bran muffins!! I could have been here ten years ago!"

================================================== ==================

This will explain some of the ignorance which crosses our boarder.

All Time Dumbest Questions Asked by Banff Park Tourists. Yes, they're
ALL TRUE as heard at the information kiosks manned by Parks Canada
staff!

1. How do the elk know they're supposed to cross at the "Elk Crossing"
signs?

2. At what elevation does an elk become a moose?

3. Tourist: "How do you pronounce 'Elk'?"
Park Information Staff: " 'Elk' "
Tourist: "Oh".

4. Are the bears with collars tame?

5. Is there anywhere I can see the bears pose?

6. Is it okay to keep an open bag of bacon on the picnic table, or
should I store it in my tent?

7. Where can I find Alpine Flamingos?

8. I saw an animal on the way to Banff today - could you tell me what
it was?

9. Are there birds in Canada?

10. Did I miss the turnoff for Canada?

11. Where does Alberta end and Canada begin?

12. Do you have a map of the State of Jasper?

13. Is this the part of Canada that speaks French, or is that
Saskatchewan?

14. If I go to B.C., do I have to go through Ontario?

15. Which is the way to the Columbia Ricefields?

16. How far is Banff from Canada?

17. What's the best way to see Canada in a day?

18. Do they search you at the B.C. border?

19. When we enter B.C. do we have to convert our money to British
pounds?

20. Where can I buy a raccoon hat? ALL Canadians own one, don't they?

21. Are there phones in Banff?

22. So it's eight kilometres away... is that in miles?

23. We're on the decibel system you know.

24. Where can I get my husband really, REALLY, lost??

25. Is that two kilometres by foot or by car?

26. Don't you Canadians know anything?

27. Where do you put the animals at night?

28. Tourist: "How do you get your lakes so blue?"
Park staff:"We take the water out in the winter and paint the bottom" Tourist: "Oh!"


Dennis https://www.ford-trucks.com/user_gallery/sizeimage.php?&photoid=1733&.jpg
[i][font color=red]Calgary,Alberta,Canada[/font][i]





[font color=blue]Please Don't Ask Me Any Tough Questions,
"I'm Saving My Memory For When I Develop Alzheimer's" [font/]


78 F-150 429CJ,Silver, Explorer Pkg.
641/2-Mustang 260,Pre-World's Fair Car.
64-Fairlane500 S/C waiting for a 390-4spd.
68-Mustang 289-Sunlit Gold 80,892Mi
78-Buick LeSabre 403 4V
84 Volvo DL Wagon

 

[updated:LAST EDITED ON 22-Mar-02 AT 08:15 PM (EST)]You mean number 20 isn't true?????
and I know for a fact number 24 came from my wife!!

Thats some funny stuff, but of course being from south of the border I must defend my fellow country men and say Ignorance has no borders.
Of course you can keep the ignorant ones and use them for bear food if you would like.

 

Don't get me started...
Too Late...

When I was a young lad, working at a gas
station for summer coin, living in Sudbury
Ontario, we used to get citizens of the U.S.
driving through with skis strapped to thier
roofs, In the summer, as in July and August,
and asking "How far to the ski areas?".
I'd answer "it's aboot a 1/2 hour or so, eh."
I can't believe the number of people that
I told that to, like a 1/2 hour north is going
to have snow, when it's 80* here...

Steve & the Rockette
'63 F100
'68 F100
'72 Capri 2L
'73 Capri 2.6L V6
'73 MG B GT 2.6L V6(Ford)
'98 Contour SVT 2.5L V6 (Mods)
'01 ZX2 (No Mods yet)

 

i'm canadian and I live on the montana/Alberta border and you should here some of the stories here. I not even going to try, some are even worse then those ones above.

ps-i cross the border daily


82' Flareside with 400 horse under the hood