Since it took me so long to get to 500 (I've been here longer than 02, I don't know why it says that...), I feel like I should post at least a couple jokes. I don't know how you guys get to 10,000 in a week or whatever, y'all are sick or somethin.......

Two executives, Gary and Bill, staggered out of their company's holiday party in New York City. Bill crossed the street, while Gary stumbled in to a subway entrance. When Bill reached the other side, he noticed Gary emerging from the subway stairs. "Where've you been?" Bill slurred. "I don't know," replied Gary, "but you should see the train set that guy has in his basement!"

A man's driving along when he's pulled over by a cop car. A cop approaches him and asks, "Have you been drinking, sir?" "Nah, why?" replies the man. "Have I got a fat chick in my car?"

This small skinny dude walks up to the bar and starts to sit on a bar stool, and a big dude on the next stool says, "That seat's taken!" The little dude sits down anyway. The big dude grabs him and whacks him several times with the back of his hand and tells the bartender, "When he wakes up, tell him that was Judo from Japan." Next day the little dude returns, before the big dude gets a chance to hit him, he hits the big dude several times and the big dude falls to the floor. The little dude tells the bartender, "Tell that sucker when he wakes up, that was a Monkey Wrench from Sears."

And the classic:
There is man sitting in a bar who is really, really drunk. When the bar closes he gets up to go home. He stumbles and falls couple of times and finally manages to get out of the door. As he gathers himself, he sees a nun passing by. He stumbles over to her and starts punching her in the face. The nun is shocked beyond belief, but before she could say anything, he leans over and punches her again. This time the nun hits the pavement. The drunk stumbles over to her, kicks her in the butt, picks her up and throws her against the wall. By now the nun is very weak and can barely move. He leans over her, grabbing her by the collar of her habit and says, "Not feeling too STRONG tonight, ARE YOU, BATMAN!"

 

hehehe, I like that. 'Specially the last two.

Congrats on the 500th.... it's a long road to 1000, believe me.

 

That last one was awesome man. Some day I'll be telling my 500th.

 

Good one....or two or three..., sandrat!

Congrats!

 

Those were ,And Big Orn,,,The under the bottom post was pretty funny too.

 

Yea, KT, I wondered if it would snag a snipe...

 

I'll pirate this thread with a joke I kind of like:

The Reunion
> > > A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar
> > > and asks if he could
> > > buy him a drink. "Why, of course," comes the reply.
> > > The first man then
> > > asks, "Where are you from?" "I'm from Ireland,"
> > > replies the second man.
> > > The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from
> > > Ireland too! Let's have
> > > another round to Ireland." "Of course," says the
> > > second. Curious, the
> > > first asks: "Where in Ireland?" "Dublin,"
> > > comes the reply. "I
> > > can't believe it, Me too! Lets have another round of
> > > drinks to
> > > Dublin." "Of course" The second man can't help
> > > himself so he asks,
> > > "What school did you attend?" "Saint Mary's",
> > > replies the first man.
> > > "I graduated in '62." "This is becoming
> > > unbelievable!!!" They say in
> > > union. About that time, in comes one of the
> > > regulars and sits down at
> > > the bar. "What's up?" he asks the bartender.
> > > "Nothing much," replied
> > > the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again!"
> > >
> > >

Now I'm one closer to 500
> > >

 

you're a posting machine sandrat

I get jokes, have jokes, and am bored at work, so I guess I may "pirate" this thread also.


Three women escaped from prison. One was a redhead, one a brunette, and one a blonde. They ran for miles until they came upon an old barn where they decided to hide in the hayloft and rest. When they climbed up, they found three large gunnysacks and decided to climb into them for camouflage.

About an hour later, the sheriff and his deputy came into the barn. The sheriff told his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft. When he got up there, the sheriff asked him what he saw, and the deputy yelled back, “Just three gunnysacks.”

The sheriff told him to find out what was in them, so the deputy kicked the first sack, which had the redhead in it. She went, “Bow-wow”, so the deputy told the sheriff there was a dog in it. Then he kicked the sack with the brunette in it. She went, “Meow”, so the deputy told the sheriff there was a cat in it. Then he kicked the one with the blonde in it, and there was no sound at all so he kicked it again. Finally the blonde said, “Potatoes.”

 

Bronc, you and jd are killin' me!

 

i hit 500 too!!!!

An old guy’s car collides with a young guy’s car and both are demolished. The two crawl out of the wreckage, amazed that neither of them was hurt in the accident.

The old guy says, "Look at this miracle! This must surely be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live our lives in peace for the rest of our days."

"Sure," says the young guy, convinced the old man’s crazy.

"And look at this!" says the old guy, reaching back into his car. "A miracle! My car is demolished, but this bottle of 12-year-old Scotch didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink and celebrate our good fortune."

Again the young guy agrees, so the old guy opens the bottle and passes it to him. The young guy smiles and takes several huge swigs, then tries to hand it to the old guy, who, to his surprise, refuses. "Aren’t you having any?" asks the young guy.

"No, thanks," replies the old guy. "I’ll wait for the police."

 

I'm getting to 500. It's weird. I have been here since May 03. I never really posted the first 12 months. I can remember around May 04 I had about 60 posts. And 3 months later I am at 384 posts.I jumped from a hardly ever poster to a post every time he can poster!

Once I get a computer in my own house this Christmas, I bet I will be up to 1500 posts May 05!

 

I've been MODERATED.
Damn that was a lot of typing for nothing.
And one of the best jokes I have ever heard.

 

This will be 500 for me, so here goes....
You guys know how General Motors is doing 'joint ventures' with foreign car companies to bring new models here and save design and development costs, right?
When they combined with Toyota in Freemont, California to produce the Nova, the union was called Gen-Ota. As they were partnering with Isuzu, it was refered-to as Gen-Uzu. Now they are considering Fiat as a partner to redesign the 1/2 ton pickup truck line. They will refer to the partnership as Gen-Italia!

There...that's 500.

MR