500th Joke... I'm now an elder...
#1
05-07-2004, 09:26 PM
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Claremore
Posts: 2,603
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
500th Joke... I'm now an elder...
UHG! NASTY!
A very attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender, who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," the man replies. "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't," breathes the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues, slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say. "Tell him," she whispers, "there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room.
YOU HAVE TO READ ALL OF THIS ONE! DON'T JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS, this is borderline for ANYTHING that I would EVER post... but I think that we can handle it.
An 85 year old man visits his doctor to get a sperm count. The geezer's given a jar and told to bring back a sample. The next day he returns to the doctor with an empty jar.
"What happened?" says the doctor.
"Well," the old man starts, "I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left -- nothing. Then she tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called Evelyn, the lady next door, but still nothing."
The doctor bursts out, "You asked your neighbor?"
"Yep, No matter what we tried we couldn't get that darn jar open."
and finally (I wouldnt be me if I didn't throw in one knocking the opposite sex,
)...
A salesman is driving toward home in Northern Arizona when he sees a Navajo man hitchhiking. Because the trip had been long and quiet, he stops the car and the Navajo man climbs in.
During their small talk, the Navajo man glances surreptitiously at a brown bag on the front seat between them.
"If you're wondering what's in the bag," offers the salesman, "it's a bottle of wine. I got it for my wife."
The Navajo man is silent for awhile, nods several times and says, "Good trade."
My Speech to the Site and the Members:
Anyways, thanks to everybody on the site, you all are awesome. I have enjoyed learning everything that I have from you. The site is great, and thanks to Ken and all the moderators here too. I hope I can return the favor to all of you! King Triton, Mil1on, Tim and all the others that I always converse with and seem to live here like I do, thanks, you guy's are awesome.
<----Obviously Im not much on speeches.
A very attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender, who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," the man replies. "Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she says, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't," breathes the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes, there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues, slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
What should I tell him?" the bartender manages to say. "Tell him," she whispers, "there is no toilet paper or hand soap in the ladies room.
YOU HAVE TO READ ALL OF THIS ONE! DON'T JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS, this is borderline for ANYTHING that I would EVER post... but I think that we can handle it.
An 85 year old man visits his doctor to get a sperm count. The geezer's given a jar and told to bring back a sample. The next day he returns to the doctor with an empty jar.
"What happened?" says the doctor.
"Well," the old man starts, "I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left -- nothing. Then she tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called Evelyn, the lady next door, but still nothing."
The doctor bursts out, "You asked your neighbor?"
"Yep, No matter what we tried we couldn't get that darn jar open."
and finally (I wouldnt be me if I didn't throw in one knocking the opposite sex,
)...A salesman is driving toward home in Northern Arizona when he sees a Navajo man hitchhiking. Because the trip had been long and quiet, he stops the car and the Navajo man climbs in.
During their small talk, the Navajo man glances surreptitiously at a brown bag on the front seat between them.
"If you're wondering what's in the bag," offers the salesman, "it's a bottle of wine. I got it for my wife."
The Navajo man is silent for awhile, nods several times and says, "Good trade."
My Speech to the Site and the Members:
Anyways, thanks to everybody on the site, you all are awesome. I have enjoyed learning everything that I have from you. The site is great, and thanks to Ken and all the moderators here too. I hope I can return the favor to all of you! King Triton, Mil1on, Tim and all the others that I always converse with and seem to live here like I do, thanks, you guy's are awesome.
<----Obviously Im not much on speeches.
#2
05-07-2004, 09:39 PM
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Michigan
Posts: 3,918
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
#3
05-07-2004, 09:44 PM
Postmaster
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: La Tech University, La
Posts: 4,513
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
HEY! I got mentioned 
Why TY
nah this is a great place, and I have made many a good friend here and been in many an argument where we where all friends afterwards :P
I owuld not trade this place for anything.. And I am very serious on that.
Congrats Traxxis I remember those days....a LOOOOOOOng LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONg time ago
Why TY
nah this is a great place, and I have made many a good friend here and been in many an argument where we where all friends afterwards :P
I owuld not trade this place for anything.. And I am very serious on that.
Congrats Traxxis I remember those days....a LOOOOOOOng LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONg time ago
#4
05-07-2004, 09:49 PM
Posting Guru
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: fremont ohio
Posts: 1,139
Likes: 0
Received 0 Likes
on
0 Posts
Thread
Thread Starter
Forum
Replies
Last Post