1) "Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships." (Sharon Stone)

2) "Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in." (Courtney *** - Monica on "Friends")

3) "I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves." (Jerry Garcia - Grateful Dead)

4) "Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is." (Barbara Bush-Former US First Lady)

5) "Ah, yes, divorce..., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." (Robin Williams)

6) "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." (Billy Crystal)

7) "Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house." (Rod Stewart)

8) "On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars." (Bruce Willis)-(On the difference between men and women)

9) "And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan." (George Burns)

10) "Luge strategy? Lie flat and try not to die." (Carmen Boyle-Olympic Luge Gold Medal winner - 1996)

11) "There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane: Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to meet people who do." (Henry Kissenger)-(former US Secretary of State)

12) "My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she's loading." (Steve Jobs)-(Founder: Apple Computers)

13) "My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee - the natural enemy of a tightrope walker." (Dan Rather)-(News anchorman)

14) "I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, Thyroid problem?" ( Arnold Schwarzenegger)

15) "Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." (Tiger Woods)

16) "I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot." (Axel Rose)-(Guns'n'Roses)

17) "Capital punishment turns the state into a murderer. But imprisonment turns the state into a gay dungeon-master." (Rev. Jesse Jackson)

18) "My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." (Jack Nicholson)

19) Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself. (Roseanne)

20) According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, whereas, of course, men are just grateful. (Robert De Niro)

 

Good stuff bud. Nothing like a good laugh.
Ain't it nice to know that some people actually write down stuff we think about but don't say?

Ron

 

Good stuff - Wolf. I like the one uttered by a politician. "You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time - and that will usually get you elected."
Dono

 

Two rules for married men:
#1 Your wife is always right.
#2 If your wife is ever wrong, refer to rule #1.

Brian A

 

Hey Wolf - I watched (TV) some guy from Tenn set a new record in the 1/4 mile for top fuel dragsters today - can't recall the town, Demmings or something like that.
Dono

 

lol! go greywolf! and that rule about your wife never bing wrong also appiles to girlfriends