Lots of talk about marriage lately, let's test the waters on divorce.

I eagerly await the replies.

Waxy

 

like you could expect me to answer this any way other than NO. so here goes....I think the government has made divorce too easy. People now enter marriages with the mindset that if things don't work they can always get a divorce...rather than working thru problems and issues, when the tough gets going, they give up. I think not allowing divorce would sure cure people getting married that didn't really want to.... I guess the flipside of that is there would be a higher number of people co-habitating without being married.

 

So you would rather two people live a life of misery, in a prison essentially, than get a second chance?

Waxy

 

OK,

I voted yes to get things rolling, but I'd like to change my vote to maybe so.

I do agree with you fisher, it is too easy, but I do believe that there must be a way out.

Waxy

 

I lean more towards no then maybe so, so that is how I voted, I believe divorce is much to often granted and much to used as well, as Fisher said...dangit Fisher, you always jump up and speak before me!

 

sorry guys...just thought I better get my answer in so the real bashing could start

so waxy....this change in your answer...is it because of my reply? did I in some small way influenence you?

why must there be a way out? if you spend the time getting to know somebody prior to getting married and not (as the other poll suggest) getting to know their body, why must there be a way out? Surely you took the time to get to know the real person, surely you knew what you were getting into? Surely it isn't anything that you can't work thru?

or did you go into it trying to "change" the other person?

if you took the time to get to know them...NO, there shouldn't be a way out.

its only a prison because they make it that way...work it out..don't bail out.

 

I agree that they've made too easy. Additionally, not only it is relatively acceptible, but I see an attitude rising that it is pretty much expected.

To this I think its funny how cliche most of it has become. As an example, my wife was watching the final episode of "The Bachelor" last night. I had to keep snickering every time they would say lovingly that "this could be the person I spend the rest of my life with." It was especially funny when Bob, who was recently divorced, himself was touting the same claims.

Personally I find divorce abhorant. Marriage is not just a piece of paper that allows you "legally" live together. I think many people see it as an easy way to jump ship if things get even a little rocky.

 

HECK YES!

Why be stuck with someone that you totally detest, hate and can't stand anymore..

Life is too short to be miserable!

Last time I looked it was still illegal to kill them, so at least we have divorce.

 

why'd you marry em in the first place?

 

I didn't...

I think people marry for the wrong reasons and Too young. and think or marriage as a pair of shoes, when its old dirty and stinky.. No problem I'll just get a new pair.

and for the record were a couple months shy of 16 yrs.

I married my best Friend.

 

Well you brought it to my attention, but I have always agreed that it's too easy these days.

Quote:

why must there be a way out? if you spend the time getting to know somebody prior to getting married and not (as the other poll suggest) getting to know their body, why must there be a way out? Surely you took the time to get to know the real person, surely you knew what you were getting into? Surely it isn't anything that you can't work thru?

or did you go into it trying to "change" the other person?

if you took the time to get to know them...NO, there shouldn't be a way out.

its only a prison because they make it that way...work it out..don't bail out.

People change, lives change. That's a fact. What if you can't work it out? Don't reply that you always can, because you can't. I don't think GWB and Saddam are giong to be best buddies anytime soon.

Can you really know if you're compatible with someone that you have never lived with? Maybe. Can you adjust? Probably. People are full of surprises though.

There are things that can't be worked out.

-Abuse
-Infidelity

I agree with you for the most part, don't get me wrong. Too many people approach marriage is being only until they get divorced. No big deal, I can always eject if I don't like it. I disagree with that way of thinking, but I also feel that people should be able to get out of situations that are unrepairable and damaging to one or the other.

Waxy

 

Abuse....yes...anytime. If someone is being hurt by their spouse then Yes....by all means they need to get away. (hopefully though in the time that you've gotten to know them prior to getting married, you see some signs of abuse. Either they are very controlling, have a bad temper, are easily set off...etc...I don't think that abuse would just spring up out of nowhere....I think there would have to be some kind of warning signs ahead of time.

Infidelity is a whole nother issue.....I pray that I NEVER have to deal with this...but in the event that it happend...I don't know that divorce would be my best choice. why would it have happened in the first place? was I not meeting the emotional needs of my wife? was I not around? was I not communicating with her? surely something pushed her over the edge....she isn't just a cheater...if she was I would have never married her in the first place. can it be worked thru...probably...will it take a lot of work from both sides...yes...is this an easy situation to deal with NO....we all make mistakes...stupid ones at that...and while it is a big time mistake...I don't know that I would want to end everything I have ever had with the person I chose to spend the rest of my life with because of it...would I need some time and space OH YEA....but in the end...I don't know that divorce would be the answer.

Me and my wife always tell each other we'd just kill each other....there would be no need for a divorce. When we married we made it perfectly clear to each other we would not get married unless we both agreed to the fact that it would be for a lifetime. I've come from a divorced family (mine did it when I was 3) my wife has come from a family that is together still...but not always happy about it. things have gotten better for her parents, but we knew going in what options were out there...and the big one for us was not to get married unless we planned on staying that way.

 

The thing I am worried abour going into marriage is that, while my family is still together, hers has been divorced, and then her dad got a divorce with her stepmom, there was alot of cheating involved and well, I am worried that the idea that divorce is 'ok' may have rubbed off on her, I do not see any signs of such, and she tells me I have nothing to worry about...but you know them dang doubts....

 

There are circumstances where Divorce is the only sensible option. I know, I should say ban it, but then, I follow the teachings I find in many scrolls, and a couple of big books... Divorce is permitted when the other spouse commits adultery, refuses to act as a spouse, leaves without reason, or offers violence to the relationship. I do not think that Divorce should be available for any other reason, and never available for the adulterer. Too many people now decide they want out of a marriage so they can go to someone else. That should be a no no - adultery is grounds, yes, but not for the adulterer.

I think also that a person who has divorced should not be allowed to remarry for at least 3 years. That would stop the second divorce in many cases.

Theo

 

I agree Theo...good points....three years? try more like 10....